Thursday, September 28, 2006

Stretched Out.

I've got to give big props to the guy who invented the Rubber Band.

In my day to day work, the only thing I use more of is Paperclips. But ever since that guy traded a Red Paperclip for a house, I feel that they've become overrated, commercialized. Not so the humble Rubber Band.

From its sleek looks and versatile adaptability there seems to be no restrictions as to what one can accomplish with a Rubber Band. Sure, some say that it has limits, but when when one of them breaks it does so with a flourish. Even in defeat, Rubber Bands demonstrate their snappy, can-do attitude.

Rubber Bands are very casual. They just sit in a group, lounging around until needed. Some of them hang out in ball form, like a street gang out for trouble, but they are few and far between. There's no racism in the Rubber Band world, as all the colors do equally well at various jobs. There's not much difference between a Beige and a Purple, (except that Purple looks snazzier.) so there's no hard feelings when one has to wrap around asparagus and one has to steady the dangling testicles of a bull. (Not kidding, this is actual practice.)

As effective as they are at holding things together, Rubber Bands can also tear things apart. Snap your friend's ear with one from an inch away and I bet your friendship falls apart very quickly. (Rubber Bands don't hurt People. People misuse Rubber Bands.) Some insidious deviants have even cobbled together Rubber Band Guns, which could possibly be the worlds most terrible weapon.

Love 'em or hate 'em, Rubber Bands are a fixture of everyday life. You may not think much of them, even take them for granted - but everyone has had at least once in their life when they would just kill to have a Rubber Band. Look around your desk, office, counter or whatever.

Don't you wish you had one now?



  1. s/it's sleek looks/its sleek looks/
    s/granted- but/granted -- but/

  2. Anonymous12:45 am


  3. Thanks for the corrections - The new beta spellchecker doesn't catch my horrendous mistakes very well.

    $5.99/ Pound - 2 Purple per bunch.