Sunday, November 30, 2008

XBox vs. Wii.

With the XBox out of commission, I went to my backup console - the Wii.

Although I liked the Wii when I first purchased it, I really haven't used it all that much - it just doesn't have the games, look, and feel that I enjoy. And lets just face it: the graphics are what keep you playing, and the Wii just doesn't have the same shine.

The XBox is like a hot girl that does nasty things and talks dirty to you while looking back over her shoulder. (Wink wink, nudge nudge.) By comparison, the Wii is a chick who gives great head - you just don't want to look at her while she's doing it.

Their both fun, but it's no contest which one I'd rather be playing.

I haven't even had a chance to ship it oout yet and I already miss it. No games, no streaming video, no nothin'.

This sucks.


Saturday, November 29, 2008


Today the unthinkable happened.

You hear about it happening to other people, but you never think it will happen to you. "Other guy's equipment may be faulty, but mine runs like clockwork." you think - unaware that karma is waiting around the corner, ready to kick you in the balls.

Today I got the Red Ring of Death.

(Not to be confused with the Burnin' Ring of Fire, which I got from the chili I ate the other night.)

So what does that mean? I have to pack up my XBox and send it away. They'll either send me a refurbished one, or mine once it's been repaired. Either way, I hope it comes back with a big set of tits working properly.

I'm going to miss it while it's gone. I think I'll be at a loss as to what to do.

Online Poker? Maybe.
Read a Book? I don't know.
Hold my functionless controller, stare at a blank TV screen and cry while I rock back and forth?



Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Paper Planes.

I've had this song stuck in my head all day, and it won't come out.

If I have to have it in mine, you have to have it in yours.

It's not like it's bad or anything, it's just in there rattling around like mad.

It's good to not suffer alone. Thanks.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I reached a milestone today.

This morning I ran 10 miles. (16.09Km)

My previous best was almost as far - 9.3 miles - but my overall pace was faster this time around.

The only downside? I did it on a treadmill. That's right people, I busted my ass on a treadmill for 1 hour and 26 minutes just because I could. (The fact that it was raining like mad at 5:45am helped.) For those of you who think that doing it on a treadmill is easier, let me tell you different - what it lacks in hills and concrete it makes up for in boredom and monotony. Thank God for the Zune or else I would have died. (I also think the heat in the gym is a downside, as I was really sweaty at the end of the run.)

And wouldn't you know it? When I can't run (like right now) it's sunny and gorgeous outside. It doesn't bug me though, because to my legs, 10 miles indoors is the same as 10 miles outside.

On a side note - don't drive a stick-shift after such a long run. Even with stretching, I got a cramp in my calf from pushing in on the clutch. (Lots of stops and starts on my way back home.)

The shower at home was the greatest thing in the world. (But that's all I'm gonna say about that.)

With that pace, it puts my approximate Half Marathon finish time at about 1:54:00 - and I'm shooting for anything under two hours. With over three months to go, I should be able to make that time easily.

Here's to the next level - a couple more 10 milers over the next few weeks, and then I'll push for 13.1!


Monday, November 24, 2008

Exceptions To The Rule.

The other day at work, one of the guys made this general statement about women:
"All girls look better with a cock in their mouth."

(I'm not telling you who it was - it's not really important.)

I do, however, disagree. (Respectfully, of course - am I ever anything but respectful?)

The following are my exceptions to his rule.
  1. Queen Elizabeth
  2. Janet Reno
  3. Rosie O Donnell (I'm not sure if there has ever been one in there, but still...)
  4. Kathy Bates
  5. My Mom (This also includes any female member of my family - even the "Hot Second Cousin" should there ever be one.)

I think that almost covers it. I'm sure there are others, but I only have so much time. Now while some of these ladies are well within my co-workers standards, I'm just putting this out there as a guide to where he should draw the line. Whether or not he chooses to heed such advice is beyond my control.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

5 Things That Made My Day.

  1. Timmy's Coffee at 7:15am as I headed into work. (For some reason, it was like drinking the distilled essence of heaven.)
  2. The sun shining on me as I did 4 miles (in 30 minutes) on my lunch hour.
  3. The apple I ate after the run. (Fucking Delicious.)
  4. The Foo Fighters on the iPod as I got in the car.
  5. The hug I got from the Boys when I walked in the door.
I know it's bipolar to have such a feel-good post after the last one, but you know what?

I had such a good day I just don't give a damn.


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Two-Faced Bitch

I just found out today that there's this person at work who's been spreading shit about me behind my back.

Apparently I don't live up to this woman's social standards. You'd never know it, though, as she is nice as pie to me when I see her. (Go figure. I guess she can surpress her disgust for the 8 hours a day we spend in the vicinity of each other.)

How did I hear about it? From my bosses. Not in the we-have-a-problem tone, but in the you'll-never-guess-what-so-and-so-said tone. They tried hard not to laugh as they were telling me.

I'm taking it seriously, though - and when I see her in the next couple of days, I'm going to make sure she knows about it.

Fucking Bitch.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Good Guys Wear White Hats.

Even if they have a Canucks logo on them.

I think I'm one of those people who never look good in pictures. Unless it professionally done or photoshopped, I end up looking washed out and not as lively as I am in real life. (But what can I expect from a webcam, really.)

If I do look tired, it's because I just got back from a nine mile run. (It's amazing what new shoes can do for you.) So please excuse any lack of energy which may appear in the image.

As for the white hat, it's the one I got at the Canucks game The Sidekick and I went to. Would you believe you can't buy a white Colorado Avalanche hat in GM Place?

Enjoy the photo - just don't sell it to the tabloids, kay?


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

XBox Alive.

See that character to the right? Yeah - that's me. Or XBox Live's version of me, anyway.

The new console update went through today, meaning that my XBox 360 is now somehow a cousin to the Wii.

I don't really see the point of the avatars. Unless they plan on having some interactive social going on, there's really no use for them. The main thing I'm going to do is play a highly evolved form of dress-up, making the virtual me look like some pimped-out motherfucker.

(Although the way he stands is kinda gay. I hope there's a setting for that. Maybe Stand Like You Tha Bomb? I'll even take Stand Like A Normal Guy - anything's better than what's there. (It looks like my guy is trying to decide whether to head for a latte or go look at fabric swatches.)

For now, it's a nifty addition to something I already use on a regular basis. Will I get more out of it? Who knows.
Does the cartoon me look damn sexy? You bet.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Literary Wasteland.

I need something good to read.

How bad is it?

Right now I'm reading a novel by William Fucking Shatner, that's how bad it is.

It's not like Captain Kirk is a horrible writer, (he's no Bernhard Schlink, mind you.) but he is the equivalent of going to McDonald's and ordering the Number 2 Combo - you know what you're getting, and when it's there in front of you, there's really no surprise that it doesn't taste that good.

I'm looking for something with a bit of substance. Something that will make me wake up at 3 in the morning and go "So that's what that meant." I want something entertaining and stimulating.

And Shatner's just not doing it for me.

I guess I could peruse the book section at Amazon, and trust in the reviews to tell me whether or not the book is what I'm looking for, but I'd have just as much luck if I let a cow loose in the library and picked the first book it shits on. (Either one is hit or miss.)

Until I can find something, I'll finish off Bill Shatner's magnificent work - that's if I'm not too distracted wiping and flushing. (Eww...gross.)


Monday, November 17, 2008

It's Not A Race...

Just because I'm posting this hilarious video does not mean I know anything about, nor have anything in common with said topic. (So don't go reading anything into this.)

I'm glad he covered thinking about baseball, but Kathy Bates? Ewwww.... That's just too much.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Firing Up My Controller.

I'm totally thinking about getting back into Guitar Hero again.

For some reason, I just feel compelled to grab my axe and rock out with my cock out.
(Too many metaphors, right? - I thought so.)


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My Body Is Weighing Me Down.

I started a new workout routine today, and it's kicking my ass.

You see, the only weight I use is my body. I know that doesn't sound like much, being as I am a svelte 180 pounds, but when you combine that with 20-30 reps per exercise, it adds up. By the end of the set, I'm gasping and sweating.

The hardest things about this workout are the return of two of my old enemies, the Lunge and the Chinup. It's amazing how one can make my arms ache and the other makes my ass muscles feel like they've had a long weekend in San Francisco. (Ho! A gay joke! Bet you didn't see that coming.)

I think that combining this workout with my Half-Marathon training, (and if I could stop eating peanut butter sandwiches) I should be able to lose those last ten pounds, which seem to be concentrated around my hips. (If I was a girl, I'd be called Muffin Top.) The irony of it all is that if I am successful with the workout I'll actually have to add weight to the routine to balance what I've lost.

But I think I'm up for the challenge.

Now if I can only get my hamstrings to stop cramping, I could get up out of this chair...


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Missing The Point.

I could write something mournful and sad about Remembrance Day. I'd thought about it on my walk to work this morning.

But then I realized I had a hole in the bottom of my shoe, and trying to avoid deep puddles while my sock absorbed about 2 cups of water took up most of my time.

Do you want to know what sucks? Working in wet socks. Do you know what sucks even more? Having a job where you go in and out of freezers frequently - in wet socks.

By the time I went home for lunch and changed, my left foot looked like I had spent two hours in a cold tub. (Not as fun as you think.) Sliding my foot into that warm, clean sock was almost as good as sliding into - well, you know.

But I did make time to stop at 11am and pause to reflect what others have sacrificed so that I may have the leisure to bitch about my feet. It may not sound like much, but to each their own.


Sunday, November 09, 2008

Point of Interest.

- When the Sidekick and I were enjoying beers in the pub, I must have said "I'd like to Blog about that" at least 5 times.

Do you think I can remember any of what I was talking about?

Of course not.

Beer is like WD-40 for my brain - it loosens the cogs, things flow more freely, and I have insights into the true workings of the Universe. (Or at least it feels that way at the time.) I should make it a priority to have at least three beer before I blog. I think you'd find things a bit more interesting around here, that's for sure.

That sounds like a good policy - Has anyone seen my can opener?


Saturday, November 08, 2008

10 Things I Learned About Vancouver.

So I'm back from Vancouver, and now that the Hangover has settled down, I'd like to share some things I learned from my little trip...
  1. In the downtown core, you can pass a coffee shop every 16 feet, but trying to find a place to buy offsales is nigh-impossible. (It's do-able, but you have to work at it.)
  2. The bus ride from the ferry to downtown is shorter if you chug 4 beer just before you leave the boat. (Who cares if it's 9am?)
  3. If your bladder is bursting from the beer, the Hotel Vancouver has the swankest public washrooms out there.
  4. Convincing your waitress at the Library Square Pub to not light the candle at the table is harder than it seems. (If two guys are sitting together, isn't the candle-lit dinner kinda gay?) However, the yam fries and beer were worth the hassle.
  5. If you go to a Canucks game, Club seats are the way to go. Sure it's $18 for two beer, but they bring them to your seat!
  6. Going to a crowded bar (The Roxy) in Vancouver is just like going to a crowded bar in Campbell River.(Except there's less flannel in Vancouver, and the urine stench is slightly less.)
  7. Skytrain? Cool to ride. Skytrain at 1:30am, singing with a bunch of Brazilians? Priceless.
  8. Driving to the Ferry from Port Coquitlam is probably more bearable when you aren't a steaming pile of hangover, but it still sucks shit.
  9. My Weekly $10 buy-in Poker game is nothing compared to the stacks of chips I saw being moved around at the Edgewater's Poker Tables. If I'm feeling ballsy I'll give it a try.
  10. I can't wait to go back - December 20th won't come fast enough.

So next to having to be at work the next evening, (Still hung) it was a great trip - I had a blast with the Sidekick. As I said before, I can't wait to go again - although I think I'll pace myself a bit better. (Maybe just 2 beer before 9am.)

We'll see how that goes.


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Different Strokes

Let me be the one blogger today who isn't talking about the election in the States.

Sooo..... How about them Canucks?




Oh, fuck it - I can't say anything about the election that Bish didn't already say here. I could add to it by saying that I feel it wasn't so much that people were voting the Democrats in as they were voting the Republicans out - the same backlash happened in B.C. after the NDP royally fucked things up. Did it help having a charismatic, well-liked leader like Obama? Sure it did - but the main thing he had going for him was his slogan - Change. That's what people really wanted.

We'll see how long the honeymoon lasts - it didn't matter who won the election, they aren't going to get a lot of time to prepare. People want Change and they want it now. (Trust me, if they can't wait 3 minutes for fresh McChickens in the Drive-Thru, they sure aren't going to wait 4 years for fiscal solvency.)

So..... Back to the Canucks...

Ah, fuck it .


Sunday, November 02, 2008

Fall Back.

Guess what I forgot to do?

That's right - I totally forgot about Daylight Savings. (Thankfully I forgot in the fall, when it means I'm early instead of late.) I bounded out of bed ready to go to the gym, and instead had to wait around for an hour before it opened. By that time the kids were up and then there was no chance to leave.

Ergo, I didn't go to the gym today.
(Don't you feel bad for me?)

It's good to take this day of rest, enjoy the (kinda) extra hour I did get, and get back to the routine tomorrow.

Does that mean it'll be dark at 3pm now? Thank God for my white legs - I won't be hit by a car while I'm running.


Saturday, November 01, 2008

Five Score

Eight minutes into my seven-mile run today, I crossed the 100 Mile mark.

Since September 14th, when I got my Nike+ Sportband, I've logged just over 106 miles. I know that I've ran more than that distance since I've started running, but it's nice to track it this way and have something to mark these milestones.

One Hundred miles seems like a lot, and I'm happy to achieve it. But it pales in comparison to the program I'm on now - training for the Comox Valley Half-Marathon - that has me on pace to do 233 miles by mid-January. I'll even have to extend it by a couple of weeks as the run isn't until March. (Basically maintenance runs.)

Look at all those miles...

I think I'm going to need another pair of shoes.