Seat of All Knowledge.

I post more pictures of toilets than I do of my kids.

In the circles I travel in, I'm kind of known as a bright guy. Not Einstein-level smart, but the type of guy that people usually come to with questions because I either know the answer or know how to find it. I'm that guy you know who knows a little bit about a lot of stuff.

(Remember that roommate you had who kicked your ass every time Jeopardy was on? That's me.)

I have a secret to confess - it's not schooling that filled my head full of information;

There were no long hours of study in the library;

I don't peruse Wikipedia on a daily basis;

I just have a huge collection of Bathroom Readers.

You remember books, right? The thing people used to take to the bathroom before smartphones were invented?

While I don't have every single Bathroom Reader - I have a lot. What started out as a inside joke for a stocking stuffer at Christmas years ago has turned into a twice-yearly easy gift for anyone that knows me. It's a guarantee that if there is a wrapped, brick-like object under the tree or beside the cake, someone has bought me a Bathroom Reader. (Unless, you know, they bought me an actual brick - but that would just be weird.)

I usually break convention and read them outside the confines of the bathroom, but I'm still able to soak up all the information - I don't think there's a direct correlation between the two.

I like them because they wrap up useful information in a format that is entertaining and not strenuous to read - I guess they figured if you were reading their books in the bathroom, you were straining enough already. They also cover a wide variety of topics that I wouldn't normally read about. Sorry to disappoint any Americans out there, but most of what I know about your history comes from these books and Hollywood.

For years, I thought this photo was pretty accurate.

There is one drawback to the knowledge that gets gleaned from these tomes: it's running into someone who knows the same information because they got it from the same source.

I was having a conversation the other day at work, and the subject got around to Bananas - I work in a grocery store, what do you expect? - we were talking about crops, rotation, suppliers and such, and I quoted a couple of statistics and facts that I had read about in the Bathroom Reader I got for Christmas.  As soon as the words left my mouth, one of the guys I work with looks a me and says "Hey - I was just going to say that! I've got that Bathroom Reader too!" - we had a pretty good laugh about it.

So the next time you come across some who seems to be a bit of a know-it-all, don't hate them or be in awe of their intellect - just understand that they read something other than US Weekly or the shampoo bottle while they are going about their business.







Later.

*Uncle John's did not pay me or give me anything to write about Bathroom Readers - if they want to, I'm totally cool with that. I believe the term is "Blogwhorin".

Literary Impact

David Eddings has died.

I first came across David's work when I was 13 years old. A friend of mine was reading Pawn of Prophecy and couldn't put it down. After I borrowed the book from him, I voraciously tracked down the rest of the books in the series.

I've read almost everything that David and his wife, Leigh, put out. Something about the way the characters interacted in all of their novels made them a very easy, enjoyable read. Curling up with The Belgariad, The Malloreon, The Elenium, and The Tamuli became something I did once or twice a year. If I could find nothing else new or exciting to read, I could always depend on Eddings.

During the last move, when I culled through all my books, discarding and donating, I never hesitated to keep any of David's books. I put them on the top shelf of my Fantasy section - right beside Tolkien. (And I think J.R.R. would understand.)

Mr. Eddings will be missed.
But his work will live on - I know, because I'm saving my copies for my boys to read.



Later.

Books & Covers.

If you would have told me three days ago that the lead singer for My Chemical Romance had authored a comic book series and that I would love it, I'd have called you a fucking idiot.

Shows how wrong I can be.

The Twin, as per his usual custom at Christmas, has given me yet another Graphic Novel (a fancy way of saying gussied-up comic books) - he usually goes for something outside the norm, as to broaden my horizons in the comic world.

(I won't lie - it's usually one of the highlights for me at this time of year - Christmas Eve, a cup of coffee, and a warm Graphic Novel.)

He hasn't picked a bad one yet. (Sure, Strangers in Paradise wasn't my favorite thing to read, but I appreciated the story and the writing for the type of book that it was.)

However, with The Umbrella Academy, he really blew me away. I liked the art, loved the story, and was entertained my the way the plot was laid out and developed. (I liken it as a cross between Hellboy and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.) The fact that I didn't know Gerard Way was the frontman for MCR before reading it probably helped. I have to admit, based on his writing, I might have to re-examine some of his lyrics - maybe I'm missing something.

I won't give away anything about the book - just read it and enjoy it if you have the chance. (I don't know if The Black Parade is good reading music, your mileage may vary.)




Later.

Literary Wasteland.

I need something good to read.

How bad is it?

Right now I'm reading a novel by William Fucking Shatner, that's how bad it is.

It's not like Captain Kirk is a horrible writer, (he's no Bernhard Schlink, mind you.) but he is the equivalent of going to McDonald's and ordering the Number 2 Combo - you know what you're getting, and when it's there in front of you, there's really no surprise that it doesn't taste that good.

I'm looking for something with a bit of substance. Something that will make me wake up at 3 in the morning and go "So that's what that meant." I want something entertaining and stimulating.


And Shatner's just not doing it for me.

I guess I could peruse the book section at Amazon, and trust in the reviews to tell me whether or not the book is what I'm looking for, but I'd have just as much luck if I let a cow loose in the library and picked the first book it shits on. (Either one is hit or miss.)

Until I can find something, I'll finish off Bill Shatner's magnificent work - that's if I'm not too distracted wiping and flushing. (Eww...gross.)



Later.

Worst Sidekick Ever.

On my recent visit to Victoria I made a couple of purchases at The Twin's Comic Book Store. (I get the discount - it's sweeet.)

One of the purchases I made is to the right - Showcase Presents Green Lantern. I've always been a fan of the Emerald Gladiator, and a chance to get so many GL stories in one volume was too good to pass up.

Now my knowledge of the Green Lantern is from when I was a kid - we're talking 1978-79 before I was reading lots of comics. So this early presentation of Green Lantern threw me off a bit at first. Sure, everything I knew is there - Test Pilot, The Guardians, Green Power Battery, you name it - but there's something extra - Green Lantern had a Sidekick.

Looking back, it's not surprising - Green Arrow has Speedy, Flash has Kid Flash, Aquaman has Aqualad, Batman has Robin, and even Superman had Jimmy Olsen. So for GL to have a Sidekick as well made sense, except for one little thing.

His Sidekick was an Eskimo.

Not that there's anything wrong with that - if GL was an Arctic Superhero. But in the comics, he works in what would be the equivalent of California/Nevada - so the Eskimo guy seems out of place.

Oh yeah, his name? Pieface. Isn't that the most racially sensitive name ever? Combined with his trademark catchphrase, (wait for it....) "Jumpin' Fishooks!" it's about as subtle as a punch to the nose. I guess DC Comics didn't have a lot of subscriptions to the Arctic Circle, as it seems they aren't really worried about offending their customer base. (He was also Hal Jordan's mechanic, or as they called him, "Greasemonkey" - so yeah, Pieface the Greasemonkey. It works, right?)

But not only was this guy constantly getting into trouble, but he did the worst thing ever for someone who knows a Superhero's secret identity - he kept a journal. Complete with sentences like "My friend Hal Jordan (who is secretly Green Lantern..) blah blah blah". I know it doesn't seem like much in 1964, but that's like having a Facebook Group titled "Join if you want to know all my Hero's Secrets".

I haven't finished the book yet, but I'm hoping that GL dumps the Sidekick soon. I know it happens, as he wasn't there when I started reading GL all those years ago - but I want to see how these masters of subtlety handle it. My guess is they'll have him perish from choking on Whale blubber during a break from Polar Bear hunting. (In Nevada.)


And it won't be a moment too soon.



Later.

Page Turner.

What does it say about me, that I look forward to the new issues of Men's Health like I used to look forward to new issues of Maxim?

(In a totally non-gay way of course.)

I find that Men's Health is tailored more towards guys my age, maybe a bit younger. Maxim is just focused on guys who want to get pussy. (Yes, I do still glance at Maxim - old habits are hard to break.)

The tips and routines in MH are things that I've actually used - different things to eat, exercises to try at the gym, and other stuff. It's a good read and I enjoy it.

Plus, I don't' feel like a scuzzball when I take it up to the register.

That's probably the biggest change of all.




Later.