Tuesday, June 28, 2005

"Kickin' it Ol' Skool"

Just got GTA San Andreas for the X-box a couple of days ago and after playing for a while, I have some questions.

  1. Is it wrong that in the game, I'm a ripped, badass black man who deals street justice swiftly with my homies and my mac-10, and in real life I'm white, chubby, don't even own a gun, and would report swiftly to the law a simple driving infraction?
  2. Are black people upset about all the white kids wanting to be black? First we steal their music, then our teens ripp off any fad that makes them appear black, and now we are pretending to be black in a video game?
  3. Are there any black kids out there saying "Why do I want to play this game when I can just go out on the street and do it in real life?" That would be like me buying a game where you made this guy sit at a computer all day long.
  4. You know if there was a game with a buff Mormon guy coming back to exact revenge on the gangs who threw him out of Utah, all the while marrying as many women as he can, while trying to one-up his neighbor who just appointed deacon at Temple, there would be NO blacks buying it. There would also be screams of protest from Salt Lake City. Yet no outcry from the black community. Are they just more laid back , or do they really give a shit?

Just some observations I've had.

No I'm not racist.

No I'm not from Port Alberni

Yes I like the game.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Verbal Diarrhea

Here's the problem: public radio.
At work I am forced to listen to the local FM stations, there's 2 in town, shitty and shittier. I have a big enough beef with the Canadian radio industry on the mandatory playing of Canadian content, but if you have to play any kind of music, at least make sure it's good music. Be it rap, rock, pop, folk, it doesn't matter, these local stations have the talent for scraping the bottom of the barrel no matter what the genre.

Some of the stuff that musical artists try to pull off amazes me. (Note I say "musical artists" and not musicians, that's like apples and oranges.) I hate the lazy lyrics. "Na-nah Na-na-na-na"? What kind of shit is that? If you have something to say, say it. If you run out of words, end the fucking song. Even James Brown fell victim to this. "Heeeeeeyyah"? Come on James, don't cop out, write a real lyric. It's not just soul music and eighties shit either. Rap / Hip-hop is just as guilty. How many rap songs have a part where all they're saying is " Uh-huh, yeah, come on' " Kind of lazy considering all you are doing is talking in rhythm to the beat.

And why do the stations insist on playing the same songs over and over again? I swear to God, it seems that, to the local station, Neil Young only wrote one song : Southern Man, and Lynyrd Skynyrd only had one as well: Sweet Home Alabama. I mean really. This is just one example, there are thousands more. Play a Fuckin' b-side already! There are normally 12-15 songs on an album, why play the same one over and over. I can understand somewhat for those one-hit- wonder bands, but for artists that have been around for years? Eric Clapton wrote more than just "Tears in Heaven"

Now I'm not an elitist musical snob like some people I know, and just because I grew up in the eighties does not mean that I think that that eras music is the greatest, in fact, I think 98% of eighties music is shite. I appreciate all music, except those that "The Man" tells me I have to like "Just because they are Canadian." I'll support good music, no mater where it comes from. If a good band is out there and they happen to be from Canada, great. But I will not be force fed shit like Brian Adams and Shania Twain and told that they are great artists and wonderful Canadians. And Celine Dion? I wouldn't waste crusty ear wax on that Shrieking Whore.

But until my plan for world domination is fully realized, I'm at the mercy of public radio.

"When Lord? When's My Time?"

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

What's Your Kryptonite?

Of course the Uber-geeks who read this know what I'm talking about. What is that one thing that is your complete and utter weakness? And if left unfettered could lead you to your doom?
Now there is different types of Kryptonite, for those of you who have not read an old Superman comic, there was Red Kryptonite, Green, Gold, Blue..Etc. So I believe that there can be different types of Kryptonite for us as well. I will list some of my own, just don't let the list fall into the wrong hands..

  • Women - Of course this is most guys #1 pick, and I'm no exception. It's a weakness that you can't control or explain, and it causes you to do and say things you could never imagine. Doesn't matter if you have one, you want more, and therein lies the problem, the catastrophe waiting to happen, that can tear your life and mind apart. I'm not sure what color this Kryptonite is, but it's the crack like substance (no pun intended) that would knock ol' Supes on his ass and leave him beggin' for more.
  • Pastry - Yeah I know, after going on with the big dramatic women speech, I'm talkin' about pastry? Come on, you know what I mean. Be it danish, long johns, cinnamon buns, whatever, If it's light and flaky and covered in some form of sugar, I'm all over it like a fat man on a donut... Bad example. Those sweet little confectionery have blown many a diet for me.
  • Smokes - I have not had a cigarette in over three years, not counting when I was really drunk on Joey's birthday. But damn I miss it. Like a wino misses screwin' off the top on a fine chardonnay, I miss smoking. It was such a big part of me for so many years, and I'm not talking about a tumor in my lung. I loved to smoke. I knew it was bad for me, the taste was not all that great, and I had to smoke a pack a day to get that "first cig" buzz that you have only once and then chase for the rest of your life. But smoking was always there for me. Had a bad day? Go have a smoke and you'll feel better. Mad? Have a smoke while you cool off. Want to impress that chick? Flick out your zippo and show her your Andrew Dice Clay impression. Smoking was not an addiction, smoking was my friend.

I know there's more, but I'm too sick of analyzing myself to think of them.

So what does it for you.? What's that chink in the everyday armor you cast around yourself? Bad music? Horrible addiction to porn? ( now what's horrible about that?) Just can't get enough of Boy Meets World? Let me know.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Bright Lights, Big City

Now I don't normally comment on the news but you have to read this article.

Now I have always said the Vancouver was a city that I would not chose to live in, I never said it was a shitty place to live, but C'mon, in the streets?
And what does the Health Authority have to say?
"Defecating and urinating in the street is not something that's healthy for individuals."
No Shit, Sherlock...Wait, correct that. He then proceeds to say how dangerous the risk of salmonella is. Strait up brother, what about the risk of damage to my Pumas? How do you treat a human shitstain on your Jordans?
They feel that the problems of homelessness and drug abuse are to blame. Really? I figured it could have been some rich snob living on West Georgia who just decides to shit in the streets as to not have that Corn-on the Cob smell in his 2 million dollar condo, not some dirty old bum squatting by a dumpster out back of the White Spot.
The discussion then goes on to the topic of public toilets and the pros and cons of such. A big worry is the misuse of the toilets by junkies.
"But now I think we've come to a point in Vancouver where we have to act. The public need far outweighs those concerns. These units are going to be automated and will have a time limit on them. And really, people are going shoot drugs wherever they want."

This is from the city of Safe-Injection Sites, and free methadone. Kinda hypocritical to have Safe sites if people will shoot up wherever they want, eh? What's the point of it all? Why not just hand out a needle and a roll of ass-wipe to each junkie and tell them to let'er rip, "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em"

The reason I'm not in public politics is because I would fucking lose it at the press conference on stuff like this.

"What's your response to the homeless people and drug addicts defecating in the streets?"

"Eat more fiber"

Know Your Role

Bish , I swear to God, never has one comment made me laugh so much.
Please continue to be one of the regulars to check this blog. It's all about the back and forth.

Monday, June 06, 2005

If you don't have anything nice to say...

It must be my face.
I must have one of those faces that just screams "Tell me more"
I have no idea why people (Customers) feel the need to tell me the most intimate details of their life when purchasing a product.
Case in point. " I need to get Epsom Salts for my rash, The doctor said I should soak my posterior in the tub for a little bit each night."
"I'm buying these groceries because my cousins-uncles-former-best-friends-roommate-who-I-don't-really-like-because-she's-a-manipulative-bitch-who-smokes-and-curses-but-she's-only-in-town-for-two-days-to-testify-at-her-child-custody-hearing is coming over for dinner."
I don't care.
I'll assist a customer in anyway I can, within the context of the grocer/customer relationship. If you need a suggestion for an entree or dessert and would like to tell me what else is on the menu so I can best help you, fine. I don't need to hear the intimate details of why you are cooking an "I'm sorry" dinner for your wife, regardless who or what you stuck your dick into that got you in trouble in the first place.
On a similar tangent, people who stop and talk to other people (customers) in the store. Please realize that even though you are talking to only one person, if you keep using your BIG BOY VOICE, we can hear you on the other side of the produce section. I guess passing that secret along and asking your buddy to keep it on the "down low" is pointless after you've broadcast it in a public place.
But don't worry, I won't tell anyone.