Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Through The Eyes Of A Child

For the first time in years, I'm actually getting a little bit excited about Christmas.
As I have said previously, I don't really like Christmas all that much. Too much hype and bullshit for my tastes. All the crap with being nice all the time just rubs me the wrong way.

But this year seems different.

The Boy is just about 3 now,( he hits that milestone on the 21st,) and he is so pumped about Christmas. He loves to talk about Santa and the Reindeer and all that shit. It's cool to see firsthand how someone can completely buy into the mythology. It gets me going, and I find that I'm telling him all the stuff I was told when I was younger, and of course giving it my own little twist. ( Everyone knows Santa brings beer and whores for Daddy, right?)

It's to the extreme that I'm putting up lights on the house. Never done that before. Never cared. Now we need lights "So Santa can find our house." The things I do for this kid.

It must be really cool to enjoy everything so much 'cause you are either seeing it or understanding it for the first time. Everything is new and exciting.

And from his point of view, I betcha even chicks with A-cups look like they got huge melons!

Ah... to be young again.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Drunk & Disorderly

So like I said, I went to the Grey Cup.
Started drinking at about 10. In the morning.

Yeah, I'm a retard.

I got so shitfaced I only lasted about 1 Quarter or so.
Started causing a ruckus in the bathroom, and then the cops showed up.
They were going to throw me in the drunk tank, but luckily one of the people from the group I had came with vouched for me, and I was allowed to go back to the bus.

Did I enjoy myself? Hell yeah.
Slightly embarrassed? Oh yeah.

Got back to Victoria and crashed at the hotel. Had a great sleep, and woke up feeling no pain.

There is so much I'm not telling you right now.

I think I'll keep it that way.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

One Of Those Days.

Ever have one of those days when you know you have a lot of stuff to do, but just can't seem to get your ass moving?
Today is my day.
I have lots that I have to do, stuff to get ready for the baby, things to get ready for going to the Grey Cup tomorrow, and just some general stuff around the house.
But I really don't feel like doing any of it.
I know that I'll get it all done, it'll just take a mad dash of energy, and a couple of hours of intensive labour.
That's why I'm content to sit on my grande posterior and not do a damn thing.
Procrastination: It's how I roll.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Coffin Nails

It's been 3 years since I had a cigarette.

That's a lie.

It's been 3 years since I smoked regularly, I have had the occasional puff while I was loaded, but never did pick up the habit again.

So why am I talking about this?

As I mentioned here, I'm working in the more "rural" area of town now. Out here, everybody smokes. Guys smoke, girls smoke, teachers smoke, doctors smoke. Hell, I swear I saw a toddler bumming a light from a kid in a stroller. It's like the neighborhood pastime out here. That and playing hide the salami with your next-of-kin.

But the thing that bugs me the most is the smell.
Now just to clarify, not all smokers smell. But the ones who do, reek like they took a shit, wiped their ass with a tobacco leaf, rolled that leaf, smoked it, and kept the ashes in their coat pocket.
It's enough to make you want to slap them.

When I smoked, I was very aware of the odor. I chewed gum, ('cause I deal with the public, and the ladies like the minty-fresh breath) washed my clothes, and if I did smoke in the car, which was rarely, I rolled the window down. I was a clean smoker, not like some of the smelly dirtbags I've seen recently.

But you know what? Sometimes, deep down, at my very core ( right next to where I keep the desire to tag these two,) I really want to smoke again. I miss it. I used to love smoking. The taste, the nicotine high, the social aspect of it, all of the little bits and pieces ( like bronchi) that make up the average smoker.

Would I? Probably not. With a kid already and another on the way, I'm not worried about my health as much as theirs. But I'm the type of guy who said he'd never download movies. ( See previous post.) If my stress level reaches it's maximum, who knows what will happen.

Like a ticking time bomb, we'll just have to wait and see.....

Monday, November 21, 2005


I'm a pirate.
Yes, I'll admit, (unless you are from the RIAA or MPAA,) I do occaisonally download materials off teh Internet that I should have purchased in a store.

What's my justification?

Oh, I could tell you that I think it's wrong to support record companies that are mass producing inane drivel, and I could say that downloading a movie I would not go see in the theatre doesn't hurt anybody, or that paying $20 for a CD with one good song is just sheer stupidity.
Why do I do it?

Because I'm cheap.

I used to be the guy who would listen to the radio and tape that one song he wanted, even if it was only played at 2:45am on a Sunday night. I would be a bag of shit at school the next day, but I got my own copy of "Seventeen" by Winger. Who cares if two weeks later it was being played every ten minutes; I had it first.

Nowadays I use it for research. If I hear a song from a band I like, I'll download one or two more songs, just to see if they are not one hit wonders. If they aren't? Well then, I download the rest of the stuff, ..... like I'm gonna give HMV any of my hard earned money.

I used to just limit my downloading to music. I felt that movies, especially DVD's, were sacrosanct, and should be purchased to support the industry. If I didn't buy their movies, how would they afford all the great CGI that I have come to know and love? But then they had to go and make shitty movies like "Stealth" and "Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D" Any industry that can produce steaming piles of feces like that only gets my money for top-quality, worthwhile films.

Do I have any limits to my privateering ways? Who knows. Will the police press charges if they read this? Maybe not. Until then, I'll set my P2P program to the second star from the right, and I'll download until morning.


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Same %$#&!, Different Pile.

So I've been transferred.
What does that mean you ask? Not much of a change of jobs as a change of scenery.
Instead of being 2 minutes from home and being able to walk to work, I'll be 20 minutes by car and out in the "rural" area. Hippies and Farmers, here I come.
The good thing is that I'll be able to listen to music on the commute, and I'll finally be able to contribute to a rant when Joe bitches about what he listens to on the way to work.
The bad thing? Not much really. I'm a little nervous about going there, as I feel that my abilities have been hyped somewhat prior to my arrival, and I just hope that I can fulfill those expectations.

Holy Shit, If I talked about my feelings anymore I'm going to have to grow a vagina.
That would be sweet.....

More input from the outskirts of town later.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Parlez -Vous Fuck You.

There was a post on the forums the other day, asking what people think would happen if Quebec ever seceded from Canada.
The question wasn't really answered, but there was quite a heated debate about succession.
There were some forumites who were from Quebec, and to try to talk to them about the reasons for seceding was like trying to talk to a wall. Not all of them were like that, but the ones who were "into" the separatist movement were pretty die-hard about it.
I did not comment in the forums, mainly because I was so fucking outraged, and I wanted to try and hear all points of view.
One of the opposing people asked "What would you do in an independent Quebec that you can't do now?"
That is the $25,000 question right there.
I feel that Quebec is like the spoiled brat of Canada.
You knew kids like that when you were in elementary school, the ones that had parents that gave them everything, the teacher would dote on them like the sun shone out of their ass, and yet they would still bitch and complain about every little thing. They could not realize how good they had it.
Find any other country in the world that recognizes one of it's provinces, states or territories as "a culturally distinct society" and I'll show you a country just as retarded as Canada has been. Does the U.S. recognize Louisiana as a distinct society? What about Iraq? Were all those Kurds given special treatment because of there cultural differences?. I don't think so.

Why is it that you don't hear British Columbians talking about leaving Canada? We are probably better suited for it then Quebec, (I'm not 100% sure on that, but hey, it's my blog) and would be more economically viable, especially with Pacific Rim trading, and imports.
But you never hear B.C.'ers talk about leaving Canada. I think that's because we look at ourselves as Canadians first and B.C.'ers second. Why is that? The west has been screwed over by Ottawa far more often and more severely than Quebec ever has.

Maybe because I feel so passionately about the issue is why I'll never understand it. But I've met people from Ontario, (who are at the centre of power in Canada,) who feel that Quebec is the spoiled one. Talk to anyone from Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, or the Maritimes and you'll hear the same thing. Hell, you'll probably hear it from some of the anglophones in Quebec.

Now if you have one province saying the rest of Canada sucks and treats them like shit, and the rest of Canada feels that this province should just take the sweet deal they already have and shut the fuck up, who's right?

On the other hand, those whiny, bitchy kids from elementary school? They never learned how good they had it until their parents kicked them out, cold and hungry into the real world.

Monday, November 14, 2005

I Feel : Episode 3

  1. That in order to get a driver's licence, your should have to have a neural scan done, just to make sure all the synapses are firing .
  2. That if you ever lock your keys in your car, every person you have ever met will show up within 5 minutes to laugh at you.
  3. Most people aren't born stupid, a lot of them just work really, really hard at it.
  4. That Obi-Wan should have bitch-slapped Anakin earlier on. I mean, waiting and then cutting his legs off? And some people bitch about spankings.
  5. That if I had the laser gun that Bish was talking about, I'd snipe people's houses. But I would only ignite their stash of Jiffy Pop.
  6. The amazing thing about technology is that everything keeps getting smaller, except TVs, which will soon need there own postal codes.
  7. That some of the porn shown on said gigantic TVs will be truly awe inspiring.

Only seven today. Not much time to spare. Help me finish the list.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

"A Good Name Is Better Than Precious Ointment".

That quote's from the Bible, yo.
The Wife and I are somewhat at a deadlock on what to name the soon-to-be-born youngling.
We think it's going to be a girl, and have a great name already picked out. It's the boy name we are having trouble with. Everything she picks, I hate, and vice versa. I loathe looking at the name sites on the internet, as it seems to cause a small hemorrhage in my brain from sheer overload.

I need suggestions.

You have to keep in mind that, in my obsessive-compulsive way, I'll analyse all variations of suggested names for nicknames, put-downs, whatever. I'm funny that way. But still, all suggestions are welcome.

Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The End Of An Era

You know, the thing I like best about blogging every day is that it gives me a slightly different outlook on things. Some days I can't think of anything to write about, and other days I come across stuff and think, "I can't wait to put this into the blog." The thing that helped me the most is writing on my lunch hour.
You see, all these rants and shit are done when I'm at home for lunch. I have the house to myself, 'cause the Boy is at the sitters and the Wife is at work. I have the house to myself, can play what music I want, and write without anyone looking over my shoulder.

All that is going to end.

The Wife starts her Maternity leave tomorrow. (Yes, I will have spawned another by the end of December.) That means that when I come home for lunch, I'm not going to have time for myself. I 'll have to be sociable and do the family thing. (Not that I don't like doing the family thing, but this is messing with my routine, and I'm a very routine type of guy.) Another problem is that the Wife doesn't know about the blog. She might be pissed that I share some of my thoughts and feelings with the anonymous masses on teh Internet, and not pour my heart out to her. Who knows? I'm going to tell her about it, just because I want to keep doing it.

So I may not be as frequent between updates, but I will try. I'll just have to change my routine. I won't be like some guys (ahem...Joe) who rarely update, but bear with me and I hope to be doing this for a long time to come.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I'm pretty sure that, per capita, B.C. has the shittiest drivers in Canada.
I'm doubly sure that C.R. has the worst drivers in B.C.
The sense of rage I felt today just driving to work was overwhelming. There was a multitude of infractions, ranging from cutting people off to running red lights. Different cars, different people, one town, all retards.
I understand that for some people, driving is stressful.
I understand that morning rush hour, (what little the hometown has,) is a difficult time to be on the road.
But if you can't obey the simple rules of the road, at least obey the rules of common courtesy and common sense.
(I don't know why we call it "common" courtesy, it's not that common anymore.)
Please pull your head out of your ass, put the cell phone down, both hands on the wheel and drive like you know what the fuck you are doing.
It's days like this that make me feel sympathetic to those poor souls convicted of road rage.
I know that some of them are assholes, but I think most of them are just regular people who have been pushed to the limit by the incompetence of other drivers.
I'd list the numerous things that pissed me off today, but I don't have that much time, and I think that the blogger server would crash due to the pure, vicious hatred I would be putting on the page.
What will make this more shocking to some of you is that all this anger came from just a 12 minute drive, including the stop at Tim Hortons, which is the only thing that calmed me down.

12 minutes.

Thank God most days I walk to work.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with A CHANCE OF DOOM!

Do you believe in Horoscopes?
Do you check out the newspaper every day, get it in your e-mail, or look it up online?
I'm part of the first group of people. Fan of the newspaper horoscope. I'm not a huge believer, but sometimes it's nice to see something out there that is completely random.
Why do I say it's random?
Because if it wasn't, every newspaper, website and crystal ball would say the same thing for one person every day, no matter where you looked it up. You can have a newspaper article say that it's going to be the best day of your life, and then another one says "Don't go outside." Now unless you stay inside and have an orgy with some supermodels, one of these horoscopes is wrong. Whose fault is it? Who do we blame? What if the person who has been publishing your horoscope is a complete ass? What then?
It's the reason why psychics never win the lottery. Because when it comes down to it, we are on a ball of mud, spinning through the cosmos, without rhyme or reason, under no control whatsoever.
If you can predict what kind of day I'm going to have, you can pick the lotto numbers, or the stock market, or start betting on the ponies or sporting events. Do the gods not let you use your gift for profit? Give half to charity. How come you never hear of an operator on the psychic friends network hitting it big? Did they not look in to their future and see that they'll be on the phone all day?
Whatever it is that's out there, be it God, gods, aliens or who knows what, they have little or no influence on what's happening in my life, and if they did, you know they aint telling some schmuck so he can publish it in time for the morning edition.

Sunday, November 06, 2005


What's your level of nerdiness?
With the amount of technology nowadays, I think that each individual has a small percentage of nerd floating around in the mix.
Some are movie nerds, music nerds, computer nerds, gaming nerds; whatever. It's not like the old days when the nerds were just the book readers, math geeks, and D&D crowd, and the Jocks were the Jocks. Now most of the Jocks have computers and game consoles and play sports games on those, they use their computers to run hockey pools and of course, porn. So the old definitions just don't work anymore. In modern times, everyone is a nerd, it's just the Level of nerdiness that changes.
So where are you at?
Lets see:
  • I have a blog
  • I post pretty often
  • Play X Box, mostly sports, but some Star Wars games
  • Have a computer
  • Addicted to said computer.
  • Read lots of books, sci-fi, fantasy, whatever.
  • Digs cartoons and comic books
  • Can do minor computer hardware repairs, no software though.
  • Have lots of DVDs; same genres as the books.
  • Have played D&D, but that was in my youth, and not in the last 10 years.

I figure that puts me about the middle of the road. I'm nerd enough to hold my own for short periods of time with uber-nerds, yet still able to say " Boy, that guy is a nerd."

It's a sliding scale, and far from perfect, but where do you think you'd come in? Is it a valid argument? Am I full of shit?

Stay tuned for answers. ( Not Really.)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Eulogy For The Damned

How would you like your eulogy to go?
Have you ever thought about what's going to be said about you at your funeral?
Every once in a while, (not that often, so don't think I'm suicidal,) I wonder how my wake/ whatever will go. What type of music will they play, who is going to want to speak, who'll show up, and who will be so overcome with grief that they spend the whole event collapsed in a chair, unable to function.
Does this make me strange?
What would you like to see happen at your funeral?

I'd want something that people will remember.
Not shit like tumbling midgets or sad clowns crying, but just an event that will make people go "Holy crap, I never thought I'd see that at a funeral!"

Friday, November 04, 2005

Just Remembered

I won't be bloging much over the next couple of days.
My brother & family are going to be visiting and I'm going to be spending the Majority of time with them.
Don't worry, I'll be back.

Spying For The Other Side.

I've come to the realization that my son is a rat.
I don't mean that he looks like a rat, no whiskers, doesn't have buck teeth, really hates cheese actually. I mean rat like in "stoolie", "narc","snitch" and so on.
You see, he's just about three, and his biggest fascination is telling anyone who listens exactly what he did that day, who he saw, where he was; you get the picture.
Normally this isn't a bad thing, as I believe that he has great communication skills, and I appreciate that he likes to talk to people, he's just like his father in that sense.
The evil part is that he tells his mother anything we did when it's just me and him. If Daddy stops at the donut shop and gets a coffee? Mommy finds out. Daddy talking to a pretty girl at play-gym? Mommy knows about it. It's like packing around a video camera and just handing the tape to the Wife when I get home.
Do I have anything to hide? Not really. I'd never do anything bad in front of my son, it's just that one of these days I know he's going to say we were somewhere or did something, or saw someone and the Wife is going to explode.
And I know she'll believe him way before she believes me.
But I really like hanging out with the Boy, love it when we get to spend time together.
I guess I'll keep the little squealer around.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Food Was....Excellent.

Have you ever gone into a restaurant and accidentally had one of the best meals of your life?
I've had it happen a few times, and usually it's not the places you would expect.
Not to be misunderstood, classy places have great food too, but you expect it from them.
It's the hole-in-the-wall places that surprise you.
  • John's Place - In Victoria. This place is tucked away, no flashy signs, and if you blink, you'll walk by it. But they have the best waffles (with cream cheese syrup) that I have ever had.
  • Panda Express - Kihei, Maui. Yes, it's a franchise store, but damn it if it didn't have some of the best Chinese food I've ever had. Usually you go to one of these places and get dry chow mien, rock hard sweet and sour pork, and some type of vegetable dish that looks like a monkey shit on a plate. Not here.
  • Vendor Dog - Toronto. I know Joey's going to look at me strange, but that was the best Hot Dog ever, and the great thing was that when I burped three days later, I could still taste it.
  • Ricky's - Campbell River. Ah yes, the old hometown. I just have to mention Ricky's for the Grand Forks Breakfast alone. Ask the Sidekick, he'll know what I'm going on about.
  • The Mooseburger Cafe - Campbell River. Not only is it the juiciest burger ever, the ambiance (Titties, Titties, Titties) is spectacular. Been a long time since I've been there.
  • Teddy's - Oshawa? Don't ask me the exact location, as that part of Canada is all crammed together, but everyone out there seems to know where it is. When we went there it didn't look like anything special, but the line up to get in and the food when we got in changed all that. I bug the Sidekick every time he goes back to the home office to bring back some of the salad dressing they make there. Fucker never remembers.

I like trying out new restaurants and places whenever I travel, and hopefully I come across some more like these. Not that my fat ass needs the calories.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Revamp The Holidays.

Well, Halloween is over.
In Canada, that means that all the Christmas shit will start to go up soon.
I like the fact that we have Thanksgiving when we do, because any excuse for turkey is great, however I envy the Americans for the fact that they have one more holiday before Christmas.
It would make it seem like Christmas is farther away, and that you can still enjoy the fall without having to worry about it and all the bullshit that goes with that holiday.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Xmas hater. I just think that the merchandising world gets so riled up about Christmas that the bullshit advertising and the incessant goodwill are a bit to much to handle.
It makes me more grumpy the closer I get to Christmas.
That's why Canada needs a new holiday. One that will tide us over until Christmas, brighten our day after the gloom of Remembrance Day, yet still be simple enough for everyone to enjoy.
Some of my suggestions:
  • DVD Day - Get your loved ones the DVD they always wanted.
  • Free Coffee Day - Buy a coffee for a random stranger, and have random strangers buy you coffee.
  • Steak and a Blowjob Day. - Would be the greatest holiday ever.
  • Sit on The Couch All Day Day - Good movies on TV, some snacks.... At least the fatties would go for it.
  • Feel the Melons Day - If you see a chick with a nice rack, give 'em a squeeze.

If we had some of these holidays, I bet the suicide rate around Christmas would go way down.

Not only are we cheering ourselves up, but we are saving lives.