Thursday, November 10, 2005

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I'm pretty sure that, per capita, B.C. has the shittiest drivers in Canada.
I'm doubly sure that C.R. has the worst drivers in B.C.
The sense of rage I felt today just driving to work was overwhelming. There was a multitude of infractions, ranging from cutting people off to running red lights. Different cars, different people, one town, all retards.
I understand that for some people, driving is stressful.
I understand that morning rush hour, (what little the hometown has,) is a difficult time to be on the road.
But if you can't obey the simple rules of the road, at least obey the rules of common courtesy and common sense.
(I don't know why we call it "common" courtesy, it's not that common anymore.)
Please pull your head out of your ass, put the cell phone down, both hands on the wheel and drive like you know what the fuck you are doing.
It's days like this that make me feel sympathetic to those poor souls convicted of road rage.
I know that some of them are assholes, but I think most of them are just regular people who have been pushed to the limit by the incompetence of other drivers.
I'd list the numerous things that pissed me off today, but I don't have that much time, and I think that the blogger server would crash due to the pure, vicious hatred I would be putting on the page.
What will make this more shocking to some of you is that all this anger came from just a 12 minute drive, including the stop at Tim Hortons, which is the only thing that calmed me down.

12 minutes.

Thank God most days I walk to work.


  1. 1. You need to move to NJ, or just really visit for a week and rent a car. Drive from some airport hotel in Newark to the Bridgewater Commons outlet mall.

    Or, better yet, bunk in Jersey City (for it's safer than being in Newark; people get killed in Newark) and run from there to the Bridgewater commons.

    You'll really get a good appreciation for the phrase "Put down the phone and drive!" Maybe I'll explain the Defensive Honk one day -- although the only thing about it is that it's so often used, not that it's anything special.

    Road Rage is only our happy-shiny way of labelling he victim of real crime. The real problem isn't the frustrated BMW pilot in the left lane shaking his fist; it's the dumbass directly in front of him, driving 10-under in the left lane, talking on the cell phone or slapping a bratty time-out-raised hellion of a child kid.

    I've idly wondered if I could put a camera on my car bumper. Some sealed unit I get from the cops and dump back to their database weekly or something. The things I used to see on a daily basis were just astounding.

    Remember how the old biddies used to frown at kids spitting on the sidewalk? we need that again, like the chinese still do, and also in driver form: we need to be unashamed of honking at some dumbass so that, eventually after his entire trip is honks, he may discover yeah, he's being an absolute idiot. We need to collectively take action when some miscreant gen-Y overly-entitled urchin acts retarded. We need to be able to follow them home so that we can slap the parents.

    Then again, I followed some dipshit up-island tonight, high-beaming the ass every time the SUV drifted halfway into the slow lane and forced people to take evasive action. J wouldn't let me honk. I pull by, and it's some little bunny up front. Not yakking on the phone, not smoking (thus requiring the dangerous lighting-while-driving maneuvre) nor with child.

    Just plain stupid. Got me a stunned look in return. Like, THAT stupid.

    We used to be able to report these asses to the cops. Dunno if they did anything back then, dunno if they would now. I know the only peopel who actually give a shit would be reporting so many people they'd quickly stop listening -- for, after all, we must be just road ragers seeing fucktard driving in everyone me meet. I mean, yeah, we are, but that's because they jsut can't drive.

    Now you're going to tell me you use a mirror to change lanes. Then I will slap you.

  2. Mirrors? I'm insulted.
    Shoulder check fo' life yo.

  3. Fo' Life indeed.

    Man, I hate those people who can't turn their bloody head, and instead do that funny head-dance in the mirror. What, like 10 freakin' minutes of that is somehow better than exercising ALL your neck muscles? You too fat to turn your head that far, jabba?

    Bitch better give me a thank you wave, too. I still have a highbeams switch.

    A-ha! Short-range inter-vehicular radio communication. Standard. Now I CAN ask jabba if he really is too fat to turn his freakin' head, or ask the guy if he wants to pass or just thinks I'm his boss.

  4. I would love it if your cell number was tied to your licence plate.
    That way I could call up the slow moving bastard in front of me and give him the directions to the gas pedal.
    Because when the awesome power of my disgust for your driving overwhelms you, then maybe you'll speed up to get away from me, or at least my voice will be the last one you hear when you drive of that cliff.