Thursday, October 30, 2008

Daddy's Field Trip.

Ironically, immediately after I posted about the Boy's field trip I got the chance for one of my own. The Sidekick and I are going to a Hockey game!

Yep - this time next week, (Thursday) I'll be watching the Canucks battle it out with the Coyotes at GM Place. Of course, I'll have some free time before the game, so maybe stopping by the casino he's always raving about will be an option - that or beer - I haven't decided yet.

Look out Vancouver - here I come.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Roll In The Hay.

Today was The Boy's class visit to the local pumpkin patch/farm.

When my wife mentioned it to me last week, I laughed - "Have fun with 25 screaming kids & the farm animals in the mud." The smile vanished from my face when she told me it was on my day off, and since she's working, I got the pleasure of the farm animals. (I know that sounds dirty, but it's not.)

With our boots and gloves on, The Boy and I boarded the School Bus for the drive to the farm. On the way I noticed there was only one other Dad, and he was being hen-pecked by his wife, who was also along. Since the kids were entertaining themselves, the honor fell to me to entertain all the Mommys. ( It ain't easy being me.)

The hay ride was probably the best part, although being chased by a flock of sheep (that's what it's called, ask Wikipedia) hell-bent on catching the wagon and feasting on it's hay-ee goodness isn't as exciting as I make it out to be. The kids enjoyed the hay-bale maze the most - being able to see over two bales high kind of ruins it for all the adults.

I enjoyed the visit though, and The Boy had a blast - he's already talking about going back next year - I think when your 5, being in a place that's mostly dirt and mud is like being in a place that's all coffee and porn when you're 36. It may be dirty, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

Speaking of which, when's Daddy's field trip? That's what I want to know.


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Half-Day Blues.

There's something inherently frustrating about busting your ass to get all the extras at work done - and your boss deciding that, since we are so far ahead, He's going to take a half day and enjoy the sun.

Glad I put out all that effort.

Bitter? Who, me?


Sunday, October 26, 2008

You Know You're Canadian When..

While watching The Love Guru (Yes, I know.), the main thing that bothers you is the fact that Rob Blake takes a faceoff against the hero of the movie, Darren Roanoke.

Two elephants humping on the ice I can believe, but a defenseman taking a faceoff in Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Finals? Not even when Crawford was behind the bench would the Kings have pulled stupid shit like that.

Mike Meyers is a hockey fan. The fact that this made it into production goes to show that he was focused more on Jessica Alba's ass than what was happening on the ice.

For shame, Mike - for shame.

(I completely understand your fascination, Mike - there is nothing else redeemable about her, but Jessica Alba has a damn fine ass.)


Friday, October 24, 2008

"We Don't Make Singles, We Make Albums."

Yes, Angus - and each one sounds the same as the one before it.

AC/DC - I just don't understand the popularity.

I have an appreciation for them (as does any child of the 80's), but everything they've released has sounded the same, from Who Made Who to The Razor's Edge. There's no variety or growth - just more of what we heard before.

It's pretty sad that most people I know couldn't tell the new AC/DC single on the radio from something Airborne released months ago.

Angus and the boys don't have to worry about me downloading their latest, though - I'll hear it the same way I always do - coming from the speakers in some mullet-head's IROC as he's driving by on his way to the gun range.


Thursday, October 23, 2008


There's something about Sarah Palin that seems to entice male voters.

Maybe it's that fact that she's from a rough-and-tumble state, hunts, fishes, and is that state's most powerful figure. She seems like one of those women who you could hang out with, shoot the shit, have some brews and a barbecue.

Maybe it's the fact that she looks like a trashy librarian, and I'm bringing back my books 3 months overdue. (Bow-chica-wow-wow.)

Whatever it is, I lost it when she first opened her mouth. Something about her voice is both fascinating and repulsive at the same time. Listening to her talk is like hearing an audio recording of the movie Fargo.

Thank God a picture is worth a thousand words - because I couldn't take listening to her.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Maybe She Needs Glasses...

Tonight at work I had a woman tell me my looks remind her of a combination of Edward Norton & Chandler Bing.

I'm taking it as a compliment. (Wouldn't you?)

Now I'm just trying to figure out if she was hitting on me or just being polite in order to get access to cheap Dairy Products.

If she told me I had the rugged maniless of Dave Grohl, I'd be onto her like white on rice.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

It's A Miracle, All Right.

Yeah, that's me sprinting towards the finish line at the Miracle Beach 10K.

The picture quality is lousy, but it's either because my Wife is really bad with the camera or I'm moving too fast to catch on film. (Let's go with the later.)

Considering the fact that I haven't ran more than 10 minutes at a time all week, I did really well. I set a new personal best for myself (49:40) and surprisingly enough, came in 4th in my age group.

Of course I'm hobbled in pain as I write this, but that's part of the dream, right?

The two big differences between this run and the last? The potholes in the road and the 3K section past a farm which reeked of cowshit. (That's really great when you're huffing and puffing that in, let me tell you.)

But it was an enjoyable day in the end, and that's what counts.

As soon as my hip heals up a bit, I think I'll start training for my next race. (Whatever that's going to be.)


Saturday, October 18, 2008

Worst Sidekick Ever.

On my recent visit to Victoria I made a couple of purchases at The Twin's Comic Book Store. (I get the discount - it's sweeet.)

One of the purchases I made is to the right - Showcase Presents Green Lantern. I've always been a fan of the Emerald Gladiator, and a chance to get so many GL stories in one volume was too good to pass up.

Now my knowledge of the Green Lantern is from when I was a kid - we're talking 1978-79 before I was reading lots of comics. So this early presentation of Green Lantern threw me off a bit at first. Sure, everything I knew is there - Test Pilot, The Guardians, Green Power Battery, you name it - but there's something extra - Green Lantern had a Sidekick.

Looking back, it's not surprising - Green Arrow has Speedy, Flash has Kid Flash, Aquaman has Aqualad, Batman has Robin, and even Superman had Jimmy Olsen. So for GL to have a Sidekick as well made sense, except for one little thing.

His Sidekick was an Eskimo.

Not that there's anything wrong with that - if GL was an Arctic Superhero. But in the comics, he works in what would be the equivalent of California/Nevada - so the Eskimo guy seems out of place.

Oh yeah, his name? Pieface. Isn't that the most racially sensitive name ever? Combined with his trademark catchphrase, (wait for it....) "Jumpin' Fishooks!" it's about as subtle as a punch to the nose. I guess DC Comics didn't have a lot of subscriptions to the Arctic Circle, as it seems they aren't really worried about offending their customer base. (He was also Hal Jordan's mechanic, or as they called him, "Greasemonkey" - so yeah, Pieface the Greasemonkey. It works, right?)

But not only was this guy constantly getting into trouble, but he did the worst thing ever for someone who knows a Superhero's secret identity - he kept a journal. Complete with sentences like "My friend Hal Jordan (who is secretly Green Lantern..) blah blah blah". I know it doesn't seem like much in 1964, but that's like having a Facebook Group titled "Join if you want to know all my Hero's Secrets".

I haven't finished the book yet, but I'm hoping that GL dumps the Sidekick soon. I know it happens, as he wasn't there when I started reading GL all those years ago - but I want to see how these masters of subtlety handle it. My guess is they'll have him perish from choking on Whale blubber during a break from Polar Bear hunting. (In Nevada.)

And it won't be a moment too soon.


Thursday, October 16, 2008

It's A Schooner.

I've never been able to see anything when I look at those Magic Eye pictures.

That guy from Mallrats , William? Yeah- I'm like him. I could stare for hours and it just wouldn't work.

Until today.

I'm waiting at the Dentist's office - the Boy is getting some work done - and after having read all the Reader's Digests and Newsweeks, I grabbed a Magic Eye book to try and keep The Youngest Child entertained. (It was my turn.) I didn't think he'd see anything, but he might like the colors.

After looking for a minute, it just clicked.

All of a sudden I could see planets, rainbows, zebras, trees, and even a schooner (pirate ship). After giving the Youngling back to the Wife I spent the next 15 minutes flipping through the book, laughing like an idiot. How do I know it was like an idiot? The moment the Wife said " Quit it - you look like some freak on acid." Trust me baby - acid doesn't have this clear of a picture.

It's opened up a whole new world to me - I think I'll hit the garage sales and pick up all those old Magic Eye books and posters everybody is throwing out. I might even smoke pot again. (Does it help?)



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Talking, But Not To Each Other.

I walked into the store to pay for my gas - got in line and waited.

The guy in front of me, at the counter? On his cellphone.

The clerk serving him? On the phone. (Cordless job - wedged in between ear and shoulder.)

The other clerk? On her cellphone as well.

I pulled out my phone and placed it against my ear.
I didn't call anyone - I just wanted to look important too.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Status Quo.

Unless something changes after I go to bed, it looks like the Canadian Government will look almost exactly the same as it did before the polls opened.

It seems that as Canadians, we just don't give a shit.

Only 58% of the population (who were eligible) voted. That means that almost half the country don't even care who's running the joint - as long as we can still drink Molson and eat Poutine, everything's Ok.

Something's wrong with that picture.

This was the year I heard everyone talking about voting strategically. It's great in theory, but it falls short when the strategy for 42% of voters is to sit at home and do nothing.

If you don't vote, you can't bitch.

And that's the most important thing of all.


Monday, October 13, 2008

Personal Best.

So I'm back from Victoria.

How did the race go? (Thanks for asking.)

It was great - I set my new PR of 38:55 for the 8K.

The time on the clock was 39:57, but that's because from where I was, it took over a minute just to cross the starting line - being in a corral with 2000 other people isn't that much fun. Although most of the women did have runner's physiques, if you know what I mean. (Hubba Hubba) The computer chip they attached to my shoe gave the real time of the race.

Funny thing was, I didn't have time to hit the washroom before the race - sure, I went before I left the house, but once we got downtown to where I was supposed to be there just wasn't time. I think my overwhelming desire to urinate might have had something to do with my record time.

Next week? The Miracle Beach 10K - we'll see how that goes.

But until then, I'll shut up about running for a while and concentrate on my other passion - Boobies.


Thursday, October 09, 2008


What's that number?

It's my number for the 8K race I'm in on the weekend. I slap it on my chest so people can somehow keep track of me should I somehow get lost and wander off the course.
"What do you mean the race doesn't go through a strip club? - I was just taking a hydration break."

I'm hoping that it doesn't signify my finish.

I don't care how I place, but I'm hoping to beat 41:00 for my race time.

But I do like the symmetry of the number.
I think the only racer I'm jealous of is whomever has 6969.


Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Thank You, IFC.

As quiet time rolled around the house today, (the Boys were resting and out of my hair) I flicked the channels looking for something interesting.

For some reason I stopped on IFC.

Now, I've never been a huge fan of indie movies. Outside of early Kevin Smith, nothing really springs to mind. But for some reason I caught this movie about 20 minutes in and couldn't stop watching.

The next thing I know two hours have gone by.

I think it was the noir-ish vibe the movie has - that, and the fact that just like Fargo, you can't help but be drawn into the way these people talk. Picture 1930's rough-P.I. talk from the mouths of angsty modern youth.

Something about it was just compelling.

I recommend it.

(I also recommend Team America: World Police, so take it as you will.)


Friday, October 03, 2008

Public Excecution Transportation.

I'm never riding Greyhound again.

It's been years since I ever had to take the bus, and the way things are looking, it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever do again.

After the accidents, decapitation, stabbings, and now a bacterial outbreak?

I'll pay the fuel surcharge and fly - not only will I get there faster, I'll get there alive.