Wednesday, November 08, 2006

That's No Moon....

I'm having a bit of nerd rage right now.

I'm perusing one of or fine local establishments and find my self in the Toy section.
(Don't look at me like that. The Boy likes the Toy section.)
We approach the Star Wars area, and I glance at the shelves, amazed at what things they have now that I wished for when I was a kid.

They have Lightsabers.
Plastic, but they light up and make noise. Oh how I would have killed for one when I was younger. All I had was a stick to hit my brother with. I had to provide all the sound effects myself.

And then I look and see these toys.

What the fuck are those?
When the hell did Darth Vader ever ride a chopper?

Admittedly, he is bad ass enough to ride a chopper, but come on, what kind of shit is this? There's even Luke and Bobba Fett choppers. (Of course Luke has Artoo where the girl would normally sit. That's 'cause his sister was busy giving Han a handjob in the Falcon.) I just have a hard time fitting customized motorcycles into the Star Wars universe. If they would have taken the wheels off and called them Swoop Bikes I could maybe forgive, but they slap the word "Chopper" right on the box.

I guess the Teutul's went from American Chopper to Galactic Chopper in a galaxy far, far away.

I knew George Lucas sold out the minute some kid said "Yippee" on film, but I didn't think he sold out to the latest fad to come around the bend. (And isn't the chopper fad over now? - I swear it went away at least a year ago.) What's next George? A Landspeeder Poker Table? Princess Leia Strip Poker cards? (Poker's hot right now, I'm surprised he hasn't sold out all over again.)

Eventually It'll be Star Wars Polygrip and Imperial Depends. (Just like Grand Moff Tarkin uses!) Anything for the almighty dollar.

And a little bit more of my childhood mythology falls by the wayside once again.... Shitty.


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