- Until last night, I've never come across anyone talking on their cell phone in a movie theater before. I think that this crime should be grounds for justifiable homicide. Seriously, can't you turn the fucking thing off for an hour and a half? Are you so fucking important that someone has to get in touch with you at 10:45pm on a Tuesday night?
- I think I'm starting to develop gills. Not necessarily a bad thing. I'll be swimming (floating) around Waterworld-style, while the rest of you are paddling away trying to keep your head above water. (Seriously, what's with all the rain? If we were in New Orleans I could at least run around screaming "Make sure the Dykes don't crumble!" - if I did that here, a bunch of masculine women would kick the shit out of me. Or do my hair, I'm not sure which.)
- How many cups of coffee is too much? I've had about four extra large today. I think I'm trying to hit the hundred-cup feeling Fry had in that episode of Futurama. I will either step out of the time stream or see God, I'm not sure which. (If it's God, I'll ask him if he can top me up.)
- What is the difference between a burrito and a soft taco? Seems to me to only real change is the addition of lettuce. How does adding one condiment justify the addition of a whole new sector of a country's cuisine? (I will not except any answers unless they come from Mexico, or from someone who works at Taco Time.)
- I've been debating on getting a Vasectomy. I think I'll do it, but the only stumbling block I have is the fact that afterwords, every time I masturbate it'll be like lying to myself. I'm sure I'll get results, but it'll be like going to the store for a bagfull of air. What to do, what to do....