Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Five Things.....

  1. Until last night, I've never come across anyone talking on their cell phone in a movie theater before. I think that this crime should be grounds for justifiable homicide. Seriously, can't you turn the fucking thing off for an hour and a half? Are you so fucking important that someone has to get in touch with you at 10:45pm on a Tuesday night?

  2. I think I'm starting to develop gills. Not necessarily a bad thing. I'll be swimming (floating) around Waterworld-style, while the rest of you are paddling away trying to keep your head above water. (Seriously, what's with all the rain? If we were in New Orleans I could at least run around screaming "Make sure the Dykes don't crumble!" - if I did that here, a bunch of masculine women would kick the shit out of me. Or do my hair, I'm not sure which.)

  3. How many cups of coffee is too much? I've had about four extra large today. I think I'm trying to hit the hundred-cup feeling Fry had in that episode of Futurama. I will either step out of the time stream or see God, I'm not sure which. (If it's God, I'll ask him if he can top me up.)

  4. What is the difference between a burrito and a soft taco? Seems to me to only real change is the addition of lettuce. How does adding one condiment justify the addition of a whole new sector of a country's cuisine? (I will not except any answers unless they come from Mexico, or from someone who works at Taco Time.)

  5. I've been debating on getting a Vasectomy. I think I'll do it, but the only stumbling block I have is the fact that afterwords, every time I masturbate it'll be like lying to myself. I'm sure I'll get results, but it'll be like going to the store for a bagfull of air. What to do, what to do....


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