Friday, November 24, 2006

Geriatric Rock.

An Open Letter to The Rolling Stones:

Please, just hang it up already.

This letter is addressed to you because you guys are the figurehead band for aging rockers. Because of you, other bands who thankfully retired or disbanded years ago have decided that they are still relevant, and wish to tour and produce records.

I know that the touring is just a cash grab.
Don't tell me you are in it for the fans. If you were really in it for the fans, you would have stopped touring long ago. Does canceling tour dates to rest your voice sound like you are doing for the fans? How about missing other tour dates because one of you geriatric fucks thinks he's a monkey and climbs trees looking for coconuts?

And the performances aren't up to par.

You're resting on your laurels, and it shows. People only go to your concerts to say they've been there, not because it's an incredible rock experience. People are buying tickets for the memory of you, not for what you are now.
Mick, are you going to tell me that you can put on the same show with the same energy that you did when you were 25, or even 30? I'll bet the stage has non-skid floors so you don't slip and break a hip. When I saw Robert Plant, it was all he could do just to stand there and keep from dying. If that's what you think your fans want, I think you are sorely out of touch.

As for material, I don't think you guys have released anything good since maybe the early 80's.
Yet your continued release of albums, even ones that don't chart well, inspires other formerly great artists to give it another shot. I don't think the Eagles would have even tried to get back together except for the fact that they saw money to be made. I'm finding Aerosmith guilty of this as well. (Since Armageddon, they haven't made decent music at all.) And the list goes on: The Who, The Guess Who, Micheal Jackson, Hall and Oates, heck - even Duran Duran is in the studio right now. ( I would mention Guns and Roses, but they haven't released any albums, and barely tour.)

Won't any of you just die?

Collapse on stage. Mild stroke. Whatever. Just to show these other old fucks that there is a hazard involved in coming back. Then maybe they'll think twice before getting back on the bus or going into the studio again.
Is it too much for a guy to ask?

All the best on the last leg of the tour.

Fuck You.



  1. Guns n' Roses? Isn't that just Axl Rose and This Week's Henchmen? He's continually replacing another bandmember who's quit, and claiming Next Year for the Album.

    I'm such a music dweeb.

  2. Oh I know, it's just that they've given him hope that no matter how long it takes, he's going to be welcomed with open arms when Chinese Democracy finally hits shelves - on his Sixty-fifth birthday.