Monday, August 21, 2006

Life Lessons from Star Wars.

  1. Don't keep talking about power converters, it only makes you look like a whiny bitch.
  2. True Love can only be expressed by sealing yourself in carbonite.
  3. Be careful who you open-mouth kiss, it could be your sister.
  4. Family problems are best dealt with by multi-level, quasi-religious conspiracies.
  5. Being the Chosen One isn't all it's cracked up to be.
  6. Shoot first. If you feel bad about it, wait until the Special Edition.
  7. Never trust a chick in a metal bikini. (Jabba's Law.)
  8. If something smells like burning fat, it means Porkins has hit the Death Star.
  9. No matter what happens in your life, it's all Obi-Wan's fault - he's turned the council against you.
  10. Because of future technological advances, I'll never have to worry about dying from cancer or losing my hand if (and when) it gets cut off. Seems the number one cause of death in a galaxy far, far away is death by broken heart.
  11. In the future, anything is possible. They managed to get Porkins in an X-Wing, didn't they?
  12. That cramming a menacing bald character with a big purple lightsaber into a movie is enough. I get it, George, you have a big dick.
  13. That being a Sith Lord is great and all, but it don't mean shit when they cut off your legs.
  14. Cutting into a Tauntaun and crawling inside for warmth is okay, but try it with a giraffe and everyone gets mad.
  15. If I ever meet an Ewok, I'll have a nice pair of furry boots at the end of the day.

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