Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Han Solo's Blues.

Why did I let them do this to me?

I could have fought back; but then they would kill Chewie and Leia.
The bitch of it all is that I'm just a guinea pig for Vader to freeze Luke later on. Heck, if that wet-behind-the-ears farm-boy had any sense, he wouldn't be caught within twelve parsecs of this place.

I can't believe I trusted Lando. "Can't help it; they landed just before you did" My ass. I know he's still jealous from the time I won the Falcon from him. I bet seeing me come out of his old ship with a fine piece of ass like Leia must have really got to him. Sure, he played around on the landing pad, but I bet you behind closed doors he pimp-slapped one of those fuckers with the shiny earmuffs.

Why do they keep it so hot in here?
I know it's a foundry and all but come on, only Vader and Bobba Fett have A/C in their crazy suits. Chewie must be about ready to shed, and Leia's looking a little worse for wear... I bet she thinks this is just great, she's always bitching that I'm a scruffy nerfherder who is up to no good. She's always talking about this and that, and she even had the cohones to sit in the co-pilot seat and tell me how to fly my ship. I'm almost tuning her out now, just giving whatever reply comes to mind. "You're right, I know, yes your Worshipfulness." I'm reciting more shit than that gold fag robot she's holding on to for Luke.

Why is she doing that, anyway?
I saw her plant one on him, it was kinda hawt; maybe she'll do a three-way. Now if I could just swing Chewie in instead of Luke, we'd be set. I'd like to see the look on her face when she gets an eyeful of Wookie cock.

She's going to say something now; I can tell - she's got that scrunched up look on her face. It's fucking noisy in here, how does she expect me to hear with the machinery and these little pig-looking bastards scurrying around me? What's she saying? Something about a shoe? Her gloves are new? Fuck, always with the clothes. Well I gotta say something, it might be important.

"I know."

Great. Now she just looks confused.

What are these bastards doing now? This thing has it's own elevator? I hope that this carbon thing doesn't fuck up my clothes - these are my best pants.
Before I go down I'll take one last look at Leia and she if she's impressed by all this.

What? Now she's hugging Chewie? I'm not even frozen yet!

This Sucks.

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