Sunday, August 20, 2006

The First Time.

My Smores cherry has been popped - and it was a disappointment.
I found the treat gooey and too sweet, and just too much of a mess to deal with.

My God, doesn't that have a direct corollary to sex?

Name one person who has had a fantastic experience their first time and I'll show you a liar.
I'll admit, I was not the phenomenal lover I am now when I first stepped up to the plate. (If anyone quotes me on that, I'll deny it to my grave.)
I think that the first time someone has sex it's the meshing together of so many thoughts:
  • What you think you know about it.
  • What people have told you about it
  • What is actually happening to you at the time.
When you multiply that by two, (There should be two people there - otherwise it's just masturbating, and that's a whole other first time.) and you have six different thoughts of how this thing should work out. That's a cluster-fuck if there ever was one. (I know there are going to be a lot of puns throughout this, so lets keep the snide remarks until the end.) Don't forget that you have to tell this person how mind-blowing it was, even if it wasn't.

Adding to the awkward moment is the environment in which it happens.
It's never in a hotel room in Paris, or on the beach in Hawaii. (Except for Hawaiian kids, and they probably don't find it as romantic as the rest of us.) Most of the time it's at a drunken party, or quickly done before your (or their) parents get home. Sometimes it's even in the back of a car. (Mostly for Surrey girls, but still..) So on top of all the other pressures, you've just added another one.

The good thing is to get it out of the way, so that the pressure is off, and you can concentrate on more important tasks that will challenge you for the rest of your life.

Like getting it again and again and again and again.



  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. There's a lot to be said about the easy chatter around a campfire, and it's the kind of sitting back we seriously lack today.

    There's also a lot to be said for Smores in the microwave, too.

    The two activities are great on their own, and maybe even cheapened by simultaneity.