|I wish I was this tanned.|
Want to know a secret?
I talk to myself when I run.
Don't judge me - it's not the batshit-insane-crazy-eyes-talking-out-loud-homeless-guy rant. Well, not really, anyway.
Let's be honest - we've all got a lot of shit running through our heads - thoughts on life, thoughts on work, thoughts on what you ate for breakfast, and was that the cat I let inside this morning, or was it a rabid squirrel?
When I run, I don't listen to any music. No iPod, no headphones, nothin. Just me, the road, my feet, and what's going on around me - and when that sucks, I tune out the outside and talk to myself. (The reason for no music is a completely different post - trust me, you'll hear it eventually.)
My run this week was 10 miles. The wind and rain was doing it's usual British Columbia best, so I went indoors and hit my favorite treadmill.
Here's some of what I was thinking..
- God I hope Big Gay Rick* isn't here again today - last week he kept talking and talking - maybe I should poke him in the eye with a pencil - am I allowed to have a pencil on the treadmill? Do I have a pencil in my gym bag? Why would I have a pencil in there?
- Can I do 10 miles? I haven't ran 10 or more miles in months - it seems longer than that - wouldn't it be easier to just go eat a donut and say I ran?
- Good - the coast is clear - my treadmill's free. Let's get this over with so that I can go to work and then eat greasy, decadent, bad-for-me food with the Wife tonight.
- Hey - this feels pretty good so far - feet are alright, no chafing, and it looks like that girl might get on the stairclimber in front of me..
- I wonder what Triple T's run is going to be like? She was talking about using some sort of Ninja Running balacalava thing. Is that safe? What if some gangster takes shots at some Ninja running through his neighborhood?
- Shit! Big Gay Rick! And he took the stairclimber! Ugggh - this is going to feel longer than I thought. Look away....don't make eye contact...
- I'm kinda pissed about the Rundies. I really wanted them in a boxer-brief, but they don't make them like that. And they look like they are Women's only.
Please tell me that's not a guy's ass.
- I should have my own made - I'd ditch the "rest" one, and replace it with "couch" - and the "track" one should be reversible to "treadmill" - that would be bitchin'.
- Do people still say bitchin'? I should turn to the guy beside me and say "Hey, that's bitchin', right?" - no, forget that - he looks like a douche. I think bitchin' would make me sound old.
- How long has it been so far? Look at the time, don't look at the distance - 40 minutes? Already? damn - feeling good. Too good - this can't be right.
- Work is going to suck after this. What kind of idiot runs 10 miles and then goes to work? Maybe I can just "phone it in" do you think they'd notice if the Dairy section ran itself for a day?
- I bet there's runners out there who get to sleep after a run - lucky bastards.
- Those Rundies - I'd wear the "fartlek" one everyday - the kids would get a kick out of it.
- Should I have a tan after this? Do the Jersey Shore thing? When did I tan last? Should I blog about tanning? Haven't I already blogged about tanning?
- God this feels better without eating a Gu - although that Peanut Butter one seems temping.. Gu on toast - I bet that would be the shit.
- Why is that guy looking at me funny? Hasn't he ever seen a guy sweating on a treadmill for over an hour before? Does he think I'm going to have a heart attack? Am I going to have a heart attack? I'd hate to do that on a treadmill - fall on the belt, hit the wall - why do I think about shit like this?
- You know - I really think the Men's Rundies would work...I'd wear the "treadmill" ones over my shorts - that would be like free advertizing. Shit - I should get paid for this stuff.
- Is the Wife going to be up when I get home? I hope she has coffee ready - should I just "happen" to call her on my way home? Would she stab me instead?
- What's that on the Tv? Who watches the 700 Club while running? Jesus walked on water, right? He didn't sprint.
- If I changed the "Easy 6" on the Rundies to "Easy 7.5" would it be like I was bragging? Would they realize it might not be about running?
- You know what? I'm going to sprint this last half mile - just to show these people that I'm not a corpse running at 7 miles an hour.
- Thank God - I'm done.
Isn't it good I'm just talking to myself?
See what was on Triple T's mind here.
If she didn't get shot because she was mistaken for an urban Ninja.
* His name isn't actually Rick, and I'm not 100% sure he's gay or not. He's just reaaalllly friendly and doesn't shut up.