Friday, February 10, 2012

I Feel:

Punishable by Death.
  1. That the look of amazement most people give you when you say you've just run for an hour straight is worth whatever discomfort the run may give you.
  2. That if I had to choose between giving up my morning solitude of coffee, news, and Internet or a testicle, I'd be limping pretty badly to one side.
  3. That as much as I agree that the founder of Lululemon should be honored for his contributions, I don't think "Distinguished Entrepreneur" cuts it - I'm thinking "Saint".
  4. That if you use the last of the toilet paper roll and can't be bothered to change it, you should be drawn, quartered, cut into small pieces and mailed to all the other assholes who just "can't be bothered".
  5. That despite the previous entry, the loss of 20 pounds hasn't affected my level of jolliness yet. I'm not at Santa-levels, but I'm not a fucking grouch either.
  6. That after all the years of "exploring" with only a paper map and a backpack, pretty soon Dora's going to end up on a milk carton. I, for one, blame the parents who let their kid hang out with a monkey.
  7. That the only thing 3-D will add to Star Wars is to make the Luke/Leia kiss even more awkward. That, and Han's crotch bulge will be prominent in every shot because he's got balls bigger than two Ewoks.
    Two Ewoks: Perfect for snacks!
  8. That the way people anticipate and get worked up about the next release of an iPad or iPhone takes me back to how teenage-me used to get excited about the prospect of "Second Base".
  9. That, after forgetting to sign in at the gym this morning, having the girl behind the counter say since I'm "so forgetful" she'll check to make sure I'm wearing underwear next time is both creepy and a compliment.
  10. That my level of frustration when dealing with the general public is well documented, and the fact that I haven't ever actually stabbed someone should earn me some sort of award.



  1. Did you stand in line overnight to get to "Second Base"?

    1. Sometimes it felt like it...hahaha