Android Whore.

So PC Magazine thinks that because I own an Android phone, I'm a slut.

The article says that if you're looking for love on Valentine's, go for an Android user as we are more likely to put out on the first date, have a one night stand, and never call again. They make me sound like an insensitive asshole.

I can do well enough on my own, thank you very much.

Typecasting people based on their phones? How gauchè. (Is that right? My French is fucked.)

I'm Canadian, I run, I drive a beat-up Volkswagen Golf and have an Android phone. Okay, PC Magazine, based on that information, what can you tell me about my penis?

Ha! Got you there!
(Let's just keep any penile-related stuff between you and me, okay?)

While my phone does say a lot about me, it also has pictures of my Wife and kids on it, so there goes part of your theory - I obviously had more than a one-night fling with the Wife - although the missus may be interested to know I'm so easy...

...like she'll be shocked.






Later.