The Way I See It...

• Starbucks should go back to having witty, pithy sayings on their cups - rather than the self righteous, politically correct crap that I have to read when I'm enjoying my Skinny Latte.
• They should also hire Baristas who are able to stay away from the biscotti and macadamia cookies - the ones at my local Starbucks are obviously having trouble with this.
• Kids should not be allowed in Starbucks. Tonight the Sidekick and I had to listen to some kid screech it's head off while the parents sipped their Grande, 5-pump, no foam, no water, extra hot Tazo Chai Latte. I have kids, and even I wanted to smack them.
  

But damn, it's good coffee.



Later.

"Just One More Question..."

I'm not a huge fan of surveys.

I get invites from my phone company, my credit cards, my bank, and many others to participate in the picking of my brain, hoping they can glean out what makes me do the things that I do.

Good Fucking Luck.

I never answer phone surveys, but every once in a while I'll participate in an online one. Sometimes I like to fuck with the system and answer a survey like I was someone else.

I just answered a Telus survey like I was a young drag queen.

I told them I don't care what time of day the repairman comes by, as long as he's wearing those tight denim shorts. I said the most important scheduling aspect of any repair service was the astrological alignment of the plants Jupiter and Uranus. I also sid I made all my cellular choices based on what my cat says.

I hope they get a lot of useful information from all that.

Worse case scenario is that some gay guy from Telus looks me up for "follow up information."

Then I'll just give them The Sidekick's name.



Later.

CM

900 Posts.

That's got to work out to at least:

• 2250 spelling or grammatical errors. (Thanks Spellcheck, - and Bish)
• 536 shitty Posts.
• 63 mediocre Posts. (Talking about clouds, or shit like that.)
  
• 17 Posts where I was too lazy to come up with anything, so I threw up something from YouTube instead.
• 4 serious Posts. (Because the Internet is serious business.)
• 32 Posts about food, beverages, thoughts on food or beverages, wishing I had food or beverages... you get the idea.
• 11 Posts where I mention my penis. (Believe me, I checked.)
• 37 Posts where I bitch about work, working, the people at work, or any combination thereof.
• 29 Posts where it seems that the Hetro-Life Mate and I are more than just "friends."
• 14 Posts about Movies. It didn't have to be something spectacular - just fanboy gushing, mostly. Lord knows I wouldn't write about something cultural.
• 42 Posts that have suggestive sexual overtones, or I blatantly state how horny I am.
• 41 Posts that made sense at the time, but looking back I have no idea what I was talking about.
• 23 Posts that were complete in-jokes, and only two of you understood.
• 15 Posts that I've removed for sensitive, personal reasons.
  
• 8 Posts where I talked about hitting milestones. (100 posts, 200 Posts, etc.)
  
• 7 Posts that rambled nowhere and didn't make any sense.
• 6 Posts that made you laugh and chuckle.
• 5 Posts that were totally about bobbies - but didn't seem like it at the time.
• 4 Posts that were comedic gold, and overlooked by the Academy
• 3 Posts where I showed my charming, intellectual side.
• 2 Posts about something relevant - politics or news. It wasn't informed or opinionated, just what I thought at the time.
• This Post.
  
• .

That about sums it up, eh?



Later.

Torturing Myself.

Want to know what torture is?

I'll tell you what it isn't.

• It isn't exercising twice a day for the last six weeks.
• It isn't eating leafy greens and veggies until I'm a walking repository of Beta-Carotene.
• It isn't sweating so much that you feel like your middle name should be "estuary".

Torture is taking your kids through the drive-thru at McDonald's (because they begged you), getting them hotcakes, and having to breathe in that smell all the way home. I almost broke down and wept on the way back.

I'll admit - they aren't great hotcakes. Ever since they went to the frozen-microwave-and-serve variety the taste just hasn't been the same. But the smell - Oh God, the smell. If a woman wants to be ravished, (at least by me) just dab a McDonald's hotcake behind each ear and watch me go to town. It smells like vanilla cake mixed with a dab of heaven.

Needless to say, I sat at the far end of the table when my kids were eating.

If the U.S. really wanted to get tough with the detainees in Guantanamo, they'd have a couple dozen microwaves going full tilt, just outside the wire. That, coupled with some well placed fans, would be the best not-really-torture-but-it's-torture-really that you could get.

Better than the waterboarding they've been doing, right?



Later.

Look But Don't Touch.

Remember when I said I had to do that technological upgrade for work?

Well the reason for it is on the right.

We switched over to a new pinpad/terminal system for all our debit/credit transactions. Today was the first day of the switch.

Guess what? I didn't even get to use them once.

It's not like I wasn't helping to cash people through - I usually have to help out at least 3-4 times a day. But today, every single person I helped paid with cash.

It was weird. I had this great technological toy I wanted to use, and no one used their debit card. You have no idea how strange it is. Everyone pays with debit (or credit) - cash is almost the least seen type of currency around here.

It's like God was laughing at me.

"Ha ha, little man - looks like you'll be waiting a while to use that shiny toy!"

Asshole.

You know how it is when you get a new cell or cordless phone, and you have to wait 24 hours for the battery to charge up before use? That is what today was like - that interminable waiting period before you get a chance to play with the shiny new object.

It sucks.

I think tomorrow I'll buy a pack of gum (on debit) just so I can play.

Dentyne Ice, anyone?




Later.

Breakable.

So I roll up to work today, and what do I find?

Broken glass.

It was vandalism, as far as we can tell. No one got inside, and nothing was taken.

But what a pain in the ass.

Having to deal with the cleanup, the repair, (has to wait until tomorrow) and the endless questions from people about "What's happened to your door?" is maddening.

I'd like to find out who did it and break the windows where he/she works/lives.
It would be a pleasant retribution.

If you need me I'll be over in the corner.. sweeping up glass.



Later.

Of Dog Shit & White Shoes.

I suggest a theory:

God hates me.


Justification of my theory:

The whiter I want to keep my new shoes is directionally proportionate to the chance that I'll step in random dog shit. The frustration factor is multiplied by the fact that I a) do not own a dog, and by all rights should not come into contact with said species fecal matter, and b) hate the smell of said matter more than anything in the world.

It's not like I don't watch where I put my feet - I do. I suspect that some almighty entity is playing tricks on me, and conjuring piles of the stuff to magically appear under my shoe.

If you look at it, it's the only reasonable answer.

Right?



Later.

Odorous Chapeau.

See the hat to the right?

It's exactly like the one I wear to the gym. (Don't mind the Bulldog - I'm not trying to make a statement - it was in a discount bin.)

As I stated here and here, I'm a sweater. To solve the problem of it running into my yes and ears, I wear the hat. It acts like a sweatband, but without looking totally gay. Thus I enjoy my workout without having to wipe my face every five minutes and just throw it into my gym bag when I'm done.

And therein lies the problem.

The hat has taken on a life of it's own.

I've aired it out, ( a bit) but it's continued use and oft-forgotten confinement in my gym bag has left it with a certain aroma. (Why do I remember to do my gym laundry but forget the hat's in there?) I'm in a conundrum as to what to do about it. I need it, but what's the point of looking buff and sexy when you've got a fetid odor emanating from your head.?

What's the best way to deal with this?

• Suck it up and buy a new hat, cheapo.
• Wash it, possibly ruin it, and buy a new hat.
• Pray for divine guidance - hope Jesus returns with a new lid for me.
• Get one of those gay, wash-your-hat-in-the-dishwasher things - and feel like less of a man.
• Dangle these from my ears.
• Ignore it, and hope it will go away. (The correct man-thing to do.)
• Stop wearing the hat, and look like I'm melting every time I'm on the rowing machine.

None of them seem like excellent solutions.

I'm airing it out tonight, and I'll maybe wave the Febreze bottle at it before I go to sleep. Barring inspiration, I'll decide what to do after that.

But if your at the gym, an catch a whiff of gorgeous man-odor - it's either me on the treadmill - or I left my hat behind.



Later.

Most Retarded Moment Ever.

So the other day I'm heading to the gym, and I grab my iPod.

I go to turn it on and nothing happens - dead as a doornail.

Now it's been a while since I charged it - I figured I may have left it on in the car or something and the battery ran out.

I plug it into my computer and everything seems great. Charging just fine. Later on I undock it and have it ready to go for the next day.

24 hours later? It won't turn on. I was pissed. I've never had problems with it, and for it to give up the ghost like this got me really steamed. I was cursing Steve jobs and the unfairness of the universe. I was about to cast it away in disgust when I happened to glance at the top of it.

Guess what?

Yeah - the Hold Switch is on. I'm a dumb motherfucker who didn't even think to check the simplest thing. One flick and my (fully charged) iPod is good to go. I only deprived myself of music for two days 'cause I'm an idiot, not because Apple failed me.

I'm sorry, Steve - I'll never doubt you again.


Later.

I Lost Short Round's Head.

I envy today's children.

Why?

Because they get cool shit like this. Indiana Jones Lego. Is that not the coolest fucking thing ever?

When I was a kid, Lego sucked balls. (Not real balls - if it did, I'd have a fonder memory of it.) You only had three colors, maybe some wheels, and everything you made looked like shit. Sure, you could make a plane, but it looked like something the Wright brother's dog threw up. And for some reason every hat for my Lego men disappeared. It takes away from the illusion if you can see the Lego name stamped on top of your hero's pointy yellow head. (Why was every Lego guy Asian? What was up with that?)

I wonder if they have all the characters. I'd like the Temple of Doom set - where Mola Ram rips that peasant's heart out and casts it into the flames. Or the Plane Fight set - when Indy kicks that big Nazi into the propeller. Too much to ask?

The cool thing is, my son wants it. I just have to find some way to contrive a reason to get it for him.

I hope all the boxes look like this .

That would be too much to hope for.


Later.

I Want To Be A Rock Star..

More importantly, I want to be an 80's Rock Star.

You see, being a Rock Star nowadays has it's drawbacks. You are constantly in the public eye, held accountable for your beliefs and actions, and expected to lend your support to a number of worthwhile causes.

80's Rock Stars didn't have to do any of that. Did you ever hear anyone ask Kip Winger what he thought about the starving kids in Africa? Hell no - he was too busy singing Seventeen and banging hot chicks to care if some kid missed a couple of meals.

Sure, the paparazzi watched Tommy Lee, and reported what he was doing - but who cared? You could have printed that he was drunk out of his mind, bought some coke and went home with 3 women and people would have just shook there heads and said "That Tommy". Vince Neil even killed a guy and all he got was probation.

That kind of reckless, unaccountable, morally corrupting lifestyle is mighty inviting, don'tcha think?

My only problems would be the spandex, makeup, and hair. If I have trouble telling the difference between my band mates and the groupies, somethings wrong. I'd hate to grab the first thing I see when I get off stage and find it's got the same tackle as me.

Yes, there are perks and pitfalls, but I'd be willing to try it out for a while at least. I just have to work on "Throwing the Horns" and my extended guitar solos. Do you think Guitar Hero would help with that?

Sweet.

See you at the reunion tour.



Later.

I Feel....

1. Confused - I'm not sure who pisses me off more: The drivers in this town or the pedestrians. When I'm driving I want to smack them all, preferably with the hood of my car.
2. Elated - When you flip over Quad 8's and win a bunch of your money back.. Oh God, yes.
3. Frustrated - If you've ever tried to dress a two-year old that "wants to do it himself", you know what I'm talking about.
4. Amazed - That my tubby ass can finally fit into jeans I wore eight months ago.
5. Disbelief - Really, I can't believe the jeans fit.
6. Depressed - I really wanted HDDVD to win the format war. It's not that I hate Sony, it's just the spelling of "Blu" in Blu-Ray really pisses me off.
7. Irritated - That people who have no idea how a computer functions think it's okay to just "click around". Would you stick your hand into a running car engine to just "feel around"? Now I have to make the drive and fix that shit, retard.
8. Perplexed - That I haven't done an "I Feel" list in so long, yet I still struggle to have 10 things to list. (I guess the mind is starting to slip.)
9. Exhausted - It's tiring being this great. You have no idea how much energy it takes to be this fabulous. (And I mean fabulous in the "phenomenal" sense - not the "gay" sense.)
10. Minty - 'Cause this gum is the fucking greatest.

Later.

Can't Wait For Trewsday.

Right now, I'm basking in audio glory.

I'm listening to the Trews new album, No Time For Later. It's release date is Tuesday, but there's a link on their site that takes you to MuchMusic where you can preview the whole album.

So far, I'm really liking it.

I like it when you can tell a band has grown between albums, but they are also able to stay true to the sound that made you like them in the first place. I think the Trews have pulled it of with this one.

Tracks I really like right now are Man of Two Minds, Paranoid Freak, and Ocean's End.

I like the whole thing, actually - but if I had to pick first impressions, those would be the ones. If it's anything like the last album each song will grow on me, and I'll discover each of them in their own time. I miss the drive to work that I use to have - it gave me time to listen to all this music. (I'm starting to walk to work now that the frost is only a quarter-inch thick - I'll have the time then I guess.)

If you get a chance, check it out.

And since I'm off Tuesday, I'll see you in line at the CD store.



Later.

Aren't What They Used To Be.

If it wasn't for Spellcheck, I'd look like a retard.

My typing skills have gone way down lately. I'm making mistakes that would shame even The Sidekick. (Sorry Bro, I had to use you as an example people could relate to.)

If I was to just type and post an entry without Spellcheck and proofreading, you would all think that one of the kids had got online and was banging away at my keyboard. That or I had a seizure mid-post.

But is it my hands or my brain that's slipping?

I could probably take the loss of one or the other, but not both.

We'll see how it progresses, but if I start Video blogging, then you know it's the hands that have gone. (If I start talking about Port Alberni all the time, you'll know it's the brain.)



Later.

Better Latte Then Never.

I think I'm ready for Starbucks again.

I stopped going there for dietary reasons. My favorite, the Venti White Chocolate Mocha, topped in at 580 calories per! (Not a gay drink, just fattening.) That's just under the amount I eat at a meal.

It hurt, but I let it go.

I've been doing really well with the contest, (although this week I lost only 2 pounds instead of my usual 5) having lost almost 20 pounds so far. I don't want to jeopardize what I've accomplished, but I would like to enjoy a real caffeine fix every once in a while.

I was checking The Starbucks website for nutritional information when I started reading about their Skinny Lattes and Mochas. I'd heard of them before, but never bothered to look anything up. (I figured a Skinny coffee was the equivalent of a Lite Big Mac.) I can have a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte (No Whip) and it's only 160 calories - that's a lot easier to fit into my day than 580.

Which means I'll be fitting into my old jeans soon.

Coffee anyone?



Later.

(P.S. - I tried on a pair today - I'm in my old jeans now - but I'd still like to go down at least one more size.)

February Stars.

Yeah, I know it's Valentine's Day, and I should be posting either lovey-dovey stuff or ranting against the corporate mechanism that spawned this day, but my heart's not in it.

This morning I treated myself.

The kids were playing by themselves so I grabbed my coffee, hit the couch and started watching Skin and Bones. I have the album, but had never seen all of the concert. (Just bits and pieces.) It was being broadcast in Hi-Def last Sunday, and I was wise enough to PVR the fuck out of it - almost knowing that eventually I'd have a moment to watch it.

Fuck it's great.

The intimacy, flow, and setlist are spectacular. I have to say, if you asked me to choose between seeing The Foo play a acoustic set or a balls-to-the-wall rock set, I'd have a hard time choosing.

One of my all-time favorite Foo songs is February Stars - I can't tell you for sure, because I have about 15 or 20 all-time favorite Foo songs. (That makes narrowing it down extremely difficult.) Listening to that song today is what inspired me to post - Dave Grohl is my muse, I guess.


If you get a chance to watch it, please do so.
If you get a chance to see them live - I envy you like a fat kid envy's the Ice Cream Man.



Later.

No Help At All.

At some point during my technical work the other day I encountered a snag, and had to call a help desk.

At first, it wasn't too bad - I had someone who knew what they were talking about and helped me as best they could. When we still couldn't resolve it, they suggested politely that I call the manufacturer of the hardware that was giving me issues.

That turned out to be the phone call from hell.

Not only was the phone connection terribly bad, (there was a echo delay of two or three seconds- after speaking, I could hear myself repeating what was just said.) but it was so obvious that the guy had no clue and was just reading from a script. At one point, I asked him a relevant question, and he ignored it - he just kept reading along. He repeated the same instructions to me three times even though I'd told him I did what he instructed the first time he asked. It's like he wasn't even paying attention.

In the end I hung up on him and fixed it (with a bit of brainstorming from my brother-in-law) myself.

I wish that there was a button you could push that told the techs " I'm a guy with enough knowledge to do this if you point me in the right direction." instead of "Treat me like a retard and pretend I'm not even looking at the monitor." I know they have to assume that you don't know anything, but shouldn't it be obvious after three or four minutes that someone has a clue, and maybe is cable of stuff that's not on the script?

Ah, whatever - the problem's fixed now.

I hope I never have to call that number again.
I think I'll die a little inside if I have to.



Later.

Two Posts, No Waiting.

So yesterday I posted twice.

I had just finished one post, and the inspiration for the other hit me. They were both time sensitive, so to do one and save the other for a later date would have been retarded. (Hey look! He posted about the Grammys four days after they aired! What a douche!)


I just don't want all of you to get used to twice-daily postings - too much of my musings can be addictive and lead to abnormal behavior.

And I can't be responsible for that.

I'll try to keep it to one-a-day from now on.



Later.

Congratulations, Dave.

The Foo Fighters took home Grammys for Best Hard Rock Performance and Rock Album.

Was there ever any doubt?

I'd still sell my soul to see them when they are in Van - any takers?


Later.

Upgradeable.

Tomorrow is going to be a tricky day.

See, I'm not only the Dairy Manager at work, I'm also the pro-temp IT guy. They like to have me around whenever anything "newfangled" and "digital" needs to be dealt with. This can be anything from debit machines to setting up the network. I enjoy it, and they do reward me nicely.

But tomorrow is tricky because I have to to a couple of things:

1. Upgrade a shitty computer that they have,
   
2. Setup the network in the Main Office.
3. Install, hook up to the network, and test the new debit terminals,
4. Make sure to explain in simple terms what I did so they can understand.

The last one is the worst part.

Trying to explain to people that you can't just "put the disk in and everything is magically ok."is almost infuriating. They seem to think that I can get all of this done in about an hour ( I laughed at that part) and that it's all going to work wonderfully the first time. (Can you tell they've never done anything with computers before?) I'm also not at my regular location, all this is at the other store - so it's not like I can just stop and check on my stuff if need be.

But I'll get it done - and look like a genius in the end.

It's just going to be maddening, that's all.

I can deal.



Later.

Magnanimous In Victory.

I'm going to be a good sport.

I'm not going to be one of those people who gloats or glorifies in the defeat of others.

I'll be pretty tough though, 'cause the Avs sure put a whoopin' on the Canucks last night.

I was apologetic for the first two goals, admitting that they were lucky bounces on scrambles in front of the net, but after that, I just had to shake my head and smile a lot.

The amount of grief that I take for being an Avs fan in B.C is equal only to the amount the Sidekick gets bugged when he wears his Habs jersey in Toronto.

So to see my team just stomp the shit out of the local boys was simple payback, right? Sure, I know that Vancouver's been playing the shits and their defense is decimated with injuries, but so what? Colorado's three top scorers are out too, so shouldn't that have balanced the tables a bit?

Apparently not, judging by the score. (Ohh! Ice Burn!!)

Oh yeah, I said I was going to be magnanimous and above all the petty gloating, right?


Maybe next time.



Later.

Fit To Be Thai'd

Went out for dinner last night.

The suggestion was made for Thai food.

Now, I know of Thai food, but next to Lipton Sidekicks Thai Curry Noodle and the occasional deli Thai Salad, I've never really eaten it.
(Probably due to the fact that I like Hot and Spicy, and The Wife does not.)

So we went to the local (meaning: only) Thai restaurant in town, and after ordering, I waited apprehensively for my first taste of real Thai cuisine.

I think I'm in love.

The food was fantastic. Flavorful, spicy, wonderful aromas and textures. (I even enjoyed the import Thai beer The Sidekick suggested - we all now how his usual recommendations turn out.) I thoroughly enjoyed every morsel.

I overate like it was my last meal - and it was worth every bite.

I think I'll do it again - in moderation - another time. Too much of a good thing makes me a chubby boy.

I'm off to the gym to burn off the calories from last night. But when I burp, and taste Ganeg Paneg, it'll be worth it.



Later.

Frosty Toes.

Lately, my feet are always cold.

If I'm not moving around or actually doing something, I find that it feels like I have blocks of ice where my shoes should be.

It's not a pleasant thing.

It would be alright if I was the type of guy who wore slippers - but I'm not that type of guy. Slippers are not something I would even consider. Why?

"Cause slippers are for old men and weirdos.

Haven't you even noticed that most crazy people, when seen on the street, have slippers on? If you can't be trusted with laces, what do they give you? Slippers, that's what.

I'm not going that route.

I think I'll just rest my toes on the baseboard heater - maybe that'll help.


It's better than slippers.




Later.

Shuffle Up And Deal.

Poker Night tonight.

I've been doing well lately, and I hope it continues.

Some weeks are weird - we can barely scrape a table of six together, and then other times I almost have ten or more people who want to play.

Feast or Famine, I tell ya.


Wish me luck.

If I bust out, my resolution is to do 1 extra mile on the treadmill Friday.

Cards, don't fail me now.



Later.

You Tube Failed Me.

Anytime I've needed a clip to make a point, YouTube was there.

Anytime I wanted to post something you'd all chuckle at, YouTube was there.

Anytime I wanted a clip of a guy getting whacked in the nuts or funny animals humping, YouTube was there.

But today it failed me.

I was looking for a clip from Delirious - about how it might be if a black man was President, (obvious Obama reference, even though Eddie meant Jesse Jackson at the time.)and what did YouTube have?

Nothing.

Sure, I could have had a clip of him singing "Hymietown", but that wouldn't have done me any good. I even went to some of those other video sites to see what they had, and there's nothing out there.

So instead of a relevant and witty post about Barack Obama, I leave you with one of my favorite clips from Delirious.

Eddie - you were great - before all the Dr. Doolittle's, Daddy Day Cares, and The Klumps, you were actually really funny.


Later.

Shuffle.

A while ago The Sidekick was talking about the playlist that gets him through a Monday morning.

I'm too lazy to list that out for you, so I did the next best thing:

I fired up iTunes, hit shuffle, and now I'm going to list the 10 songs that iTunes thinks I want to hear:

1. Yellow Ledbetter - Pearl Jam
2. Come As You Are - Nirvana
3. Tears And Rain - James Blunt
4. Like Knives - City and Colour
5. Succexy - Metric
6. Foreign Language - Anberlin
7. Where Eagles Have Been - Wolfmother
8. Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung
9. Fly - The Tragically Hip
10. Still Remains - Stone Temple Pilots.

You now what? That probably would get me through a Monday morning.

Too bad tomorrow's Wednesday.



Later.

9:42

I hit a personal best today.

I did my cardio workout this morning, and was disappointed cause some old fucker was taking a walk on the treadmill - I didn't have much time, so I just did a set on the elliptical and called it a day.

On lunch break, I finished my circuit on the weights with about fifteen minutes left before I have to hit the showers - I could either do another circuit, or - and I checked - hit the treadmill.

The treadmill won out.

I decided since I didn't have a lot of time, I was just going to crank it up and see how much I could take before my lungs and legs gave out. I set the timer for 10 minutes and started running.

I only took a breather (quick walk ) for 30 seconds - I kept upping the speed as fast as I could take it.

In the end?

I ran one mile in 9 minutes, 42 seconds.

I haven't done that in a long time.
Sure, I was a sack of jelly gasping for air at the end, but it was worth it.


That treadmill is my bitch.



Later.

F*ck You, Eli.

So the Giants won the Super Bowl.

I'm disappointed, to say the least, as I really wanted to see the Pats win it all, and finally shut up those geezers from the '72 Dolphins.

But it was not to be.

I only got to see the first half, (had to work) but from what I saw, the Giants were all over the Pats and they just couldn't get anything together. I won't say the better team won, but the team that preformed better today certainly deserved the win.

I'm glad that the Stanley Cup is decided over a 7-game stretch. If it was just a one game showdown I don't think I could handle it. I'd have an aneurysm halfway through the second period.

At least Tom Brady can grieve for his loss in the arms of whatever Supermodel he's currently banging - that bastard.



Later.

Unhappy.

When is the appropriate time to stop saying "Happy New Year."?

Three times at work today I witnessed people greeting each other this way. Different people each time, no obvious connections. (Didn't seem to be part of a cult...etc.)

I had to look at my watch to check - yep, it's February - so why the hell would you even say that as a form of greeting anymore? If it's January 2nd I can see using it, but over a month later? Just say "Hi!" and "Long time no see."

I felt like punching them and pointing at a calender.

Or maybe just pulling the calender of the wall and smacking them with it.

That would Unhappy things pretty quick, wouldn't it?



Later.

Smug Satisfaction.

At the Gym, I'm a pretty quiet guy.

I don't chat with anyone, I leave people alone, and I do my workout and leave. I might talk to the gym staff as I'm signing in and out, but I'm there to sweat, not to socialize.

With the contest going on, It's busy in there - most days the cardio machines are packed and you have to take what you can get. I see the same people in there almost every day. I know that some of them are in the program as well, but I don't make it a point to advertise that I'm the competition.

There's two guys that drive me nuts. They walk around and talk to almost everyone in the gym, especially if they are females. They circle the fat ladies on the treadmills like vultures looking for an after-carcass snack. I know they are in the contest because I heard them bugging one of the front counter girls about the weigh-in times. It's amazing that they accomplish anything at all because they stop their cardio workout about 15 times in 20 minutes to chat to the person next to them or make some inane comment to the staff who walk by. I just turn up my iPod and ignore them.

But today was a great day - both these shmucks were getting weighed in right before me. And although the results are confidential, they were chatting about how they did. Retard #1 was shocked that he'd only lost one pound, and retard #2 was frustrated that his wasn't much better. Both these guys fucked up their initial weigh-ins, so there first week numbers looked great - almost ten pounds each. (To bad it doesn't last.)

They realized that I was in the competition when they saw me head into the scale room after them. I got my results and went straight to my workout - I had to get it in before work . While I'm on the elliptical, retard #1 strolls by and asks me how my weigh-in went. I told him it went great and that I was down five pounds. He asked if that was my total so far and I said no, last week I lost six - so now I'm at eleven total. His only comment?

"Geez, I workout a lot harder than you and I only lost a pound."

Excuse me?
I ignored that comment.

Still, it was great to see the look of shock on his face when he realized that I'd lost more than him - it made my progress so far that much more satisfying.

But I'm going to bury that fucker on the scale next week.




Later.