Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Saddest Room I've Ever Seen.

Tonight The Sidekick and I went for coffee.

There's nothing new or surprising in that; it was a regular coffee run, enjoyable and full of witty insights - however there was a disgusting part to the night that I didn't even mention to him at the time. (It must have been the shock.)

While getting our cup of coffee at the Downtown location of Timmy-Ho's I went to the bathroom. (Number 1, in case you were wondering.) The nightmare began the moment I stepped over the threshold of the God-Forsaken place.

First thing to hit me was was the sharp acrid smell. Some genius had made the decision to cover up the usual "bathroom" smell with an even worse one. How did they do that? They threw mothballs into the urinal. Great - now my eyes were watering as I'm fumbling for my zipper. If I didn't have to piss so bad I would have left.

I go to wash my hands, and after getting the soap dispenser to spit it's last 1/10000th of a gram of soap into my hand I notice that the taps look like they've grown an extra layer of scum just to discourage people from using them. Great. I look for some paper towels to grab and protect my hands, except the only hand drying instrument is the air dryer. I peer into the stall to grab some T.P to do the job - no dice - the dispenser has been ripped off the wall, and there is an empty packet of Wet Ones there instead. (Glad I didn't have to do Number 2.) I suck it up and use my hands to turn the water on.

After scrubbing and rinsing my hands I turn to the aforementioned air dryer to dry them off. It would have been more effective to blow on them myself. Had I let this wonder of modern technology do it, I would still be there instead of typing this post. I don't think it could have blown the seeds off a dandelion. (Yes I admit I dried my hands by wiping them on my pants. Feel my shame.)

I don't even want to think about the door handle I touched to get out of there.

Afterwards I went out and had coffee like normal. The horror of what I had experienced had not sunk in yet, and it wasn't until later that I felt compelled to write about it.

Next time I'm down there and have to pee - I'll just get an extra cup at the counter.
Disgusting? Yes - but better than the alternative.


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