As I watched, I realized certain differences between myself and the hero of the story, Rick Deckard and typed them out while the movie played*- I kinda kept score:
- He is portrayed by a young Harrison Ford, while I'm just played by myself. (He wins.)
- He's eating noodles at the start of the movie - He's more carb-friendly than I am. (Him)
- That mother-fucker makes a trench coat look good. (Him)
- He gets driven around by a young General Adama (Edward James Olmos) in a flying car, while I drive a 1993 Volkswagen Golf. (Him)
- My life does not have a voice-over narration. (Although I think that would be sweet.) - (Him)
- He drinks whiskey in the 97th floor of a super-cool futuristic apartment, and I drink coffee in a single-level rancher. (Close, but he wins)
- I have a yard though, and Deckard's got shit for grass from what I can see. (Me)
- His voice activated computer is way more responsive than my Kinect. (Him)
- I've never been punched out by a woman after seeing her naked with a snake. (trust me on this one.) (Me)
- He gets to shoot people (okay, replicants who look like people), and I can only fantasize about shooting that guy who cut me off when I drove the kids to school. (Him)
- He holds up a badge and says "Deckard - B26354" and the cops think he's great - I say "Watson - Dairy Guy" and they think I'm nuts. (Him)
- Sean Young (at the height of her hotness) will never visit me in my home. (Him)
- On my way to work there are no billboards of giant Japanese women. (Thank God - it would block the ocean view.) (Me)
- I have never been between Darryl Hannah's thighs. (Although, to be honest, she was kicking the shit out of him, so I don't think it was fun.) (Tie)
- Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) breaks his fingers and Deckard just keeps fighting - I would have soiled myself at the sound of his voice. (Him)
- In the end, Deckard escapes to Canada - I've got him beat, I'm already here. (Me)
- Deckard doesn't have a cold sore. (Him)
It's been years since I watched this show - and I forgot how good it was. Before the Sidekick reads this and scolds me for not watching the "Definative" Version he should know that I wanted the one with the narration, because - like I said in point #5, I think it would be sweet.
Sometimes it's nice to pull a classic out of the DVD rack, and yesterday was one of those times.
*Fuck yeah - I'm a multitasker!