Dear Radio DJ,

I know you're trying your best, but I've got a couple of observation while I'm listening to you at work today:

- Unless you had a request from a guy with a mullet and an Iroc, why are you playing Whitesnake? That's just not called for. Look at a calendar, it's not 1987.

- If you play one more Def Leppard song in the next 5 minutes, I'm going to assume it's either because some guy in the band died and you're going for the tribute angle, or else you're gay for one-armed drummers.

- Whomever taught you "witty banter" needs to be shot. Seriously. I've heard funnier stuff from my kids, and they still think farting is the epitome of humour.

- I have to say it - you're a heavy breather - try stepping farther back from the microphone, like maybe 2 or 3 miles.

- When you pick Loverboy for your Canadian content, nobody wins.

I don't want to come across as too negative or anything, and I do have some good points about your broadcast as well:

- ...... ummm, yeah - I couldn't really think of anything. I guess I could say "good job at cutting to commercial"?

I'm heading back from my lunch break now, and I'd just like to say that I hope you read this, because if you don't, the next four hours are going to suck.

Later.