Sunday, January 29, 2012

Grand Ad-sperations

After hearing how a fellow Blogger made 3 whole dollars in one day from Google AdSense, I decided to turn ads back on on the blog and start swimming in some of that fat Google cash.
What I imagine they're raking in.
I figure that since I've already surrendered my privacy to Google and entwined them in my life so much, (Blogger, Gmail, Google+, Picassa, Google Reader, Google Docs, I even own an Android phone) that one more step into the "Don't Be Evil" camp can't hurt, can it?
Google - totally not watching me pee.

Besides, if I whore myself out (Ad wise, that is) for 3 dollars a day, in six months I can have a Garmin paid for. (Or a Nike+ GPS watch - if either company wants to give me one to "review", I'll give my unbiased opinion while softly holding it and calling it my "precious".)
I'd stab a Hobbit in the eye for this.

So I made peace with myself and whatever deity watches over me, and clicked the necessary boxes to have ads all up in your grills.

And nothing happened.

Damn you, Google.

First the snub on Blogs of Note and now this? There's just big blank spaces where my money making ads should be. I want to have a post about T-shirts and see a huge fucking ad for the Mr. T fun doll (circa 1986) up there. I'll even take one of those slutty American Apparel ads - even though they make me feel funny in my pants.
Nothing's more Basic than an erection.

I'm sure I'll have to go on some epic quest through FAQ's and to tell the truth, I'm quite ready to slay whatever virtual dragons needed to make this Ad-thing happen. Any task, no matter how Herculean the effort, will be accomplished. (Outside of running outdoors in the Chicago winter - I'm not that hardcore.)

I'm willing to accept the fact that I'll never be Blogger's "darling" and suck up to the right people enough to make the Blogs of Note, and I understand that you've used the "Next Blog" button to bury me in the middle of a pile of Christian Soccer Mom blogs, but don't do this - don't take away my chance to have a piece of that sweet Google pie.
Filled with hopes, dreams, and porn.

Come on, Google - we can totally make this a win/win for both of us, right?



  1. I've made $0.02 since. It's random, man.

    And wtf is up with the Christian Family blogs? I get caught up in them too, and when I try to back myself out, I end up in Eastern European land.

    1. I think Google is either secretly a right-wing, fundamentalist Christian corporation, or else Religious Soccer Moms totally buy the "Don't be Evil" motto.

      Either way, I sometimes get the feeling.g my blog is in the wrong neighborhood...

  2. I would like to message you privately. But I don't know how.

    I am happily married. I am in Chicago and not approaching your garage with an ice pick and a maniacal grin on my face.

    I have some ideas to share with you.

    Nothing bad -- just stuff I've figured out over the past weekend. And maybe an idea.

    I'm seriously not a creeper.

    I'm checking a box on this comment which may or may not allow you to email me.

    Again...I'm not going to boil your pet bunny. Or moose. Whatever.

    1. I messaged you through your blog - hopefully it worked, or we know Google's "Don't be Evil" thing is a sham.

  3. adding the words "pet bunny" should have helped. though most clickthrus probably came from google watching you pee.....