Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Life Lessons From Charlie Brown.

As I sat and watched "It's The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown" with the kids the other night I realized that Charlie Brown wasn't just a entertaining show for kids - it readied you for life and fucked up your expectations all at the same time.

Preparation for Life:
  • It doesn't matter if the football is physical, metaphysical, figurative or symbolic - whatever it is, it'll get yanked out from under you more times than you can imagine.
  • Charlie Brown is a loner who is surrounded by friends who don't really like him, but rather pity him behind his back. They expect him to fail, and if by some chance he succeeds it's a "Christmas Miracle". Welcome to the adult workforce - enjoy your stay.
  • First impressions are everything - if you look like a bald kid who has worn the same clothes for forty-five years, don't be surprised if people think you are a loser.
  • Winning is everything - just ask your teammates when you fuck up at the ball game.
  • That masculine girl you've met who likes to wear sandals? Yeah, she's gay. Her partner may or may not be named Marcie, but it's all irrelevant, isn't it?
Fucked Up Expectations:
  • No pet - be it dog, cat, hamster or bird, will ever be as cool as Snoopy. They won't sleep on top of the dog house, nor will they get you out of trouble if you are stuck in France. Your dog won't understand you, but will tilt it's head quizzically and try to hump your leg.
  • When you're eight you get to have adventures with your pet, travel overseas, make your own Christmas pageant, and compete in a river raft race. That shit doesn't happen to eight year-olds - shit, it doesn't even happen to Thirty-Five year olds. (I've always wanted my own pageant.)
  • There will always be a security blanket to ease the pain and make it all better.
  • All moral dilemmas can be cleared up in less than 45 minutes - not including commercials.
  • If you don't like the holiday season, make up your own holiday or religious deity. It's okay - people won't think you're a nut. Really.
  • Cartoons are able to teach us life lessons. (Charlie never preached this, but many parents believed it.)
With all that out there for the kids to absorb and learn from, it's amazing that my generation isn't more fucked up than it is.

Wait - my generation is the one that created Power Rangers & Captain Planet, the one whose general apathy allowed Dubya to be re-elected, and has taken the moral values that allowed our society to thrive and thrown them in the trash.

At least we get to yank the football out from the younger generation.

We got that going for us.


1 comment:

  1. Dude, if you make a pageant, I'm totally goin'.