Monday, July 31, 2006

Idle Hands.

We've been having a discussion at work for the last couple of days about masturbation.

It's not that the topic deserves that much attention, it's just that everyone who hears about the discussion has to give their input. (Or preferred techniques.)

Now I know the last thing that most of you wanted to read about when you came here is the ol' Rub n' Tug, but the topic of discussion was to point out that it's a major turning point in a man's life when he can admit in mixed company that he occasionally Auditions the Hand Puppet.

Most guys under the age of 25 will completely deny having ever touched themselves down there; thinking you are going to pull out a ruler and smack them on the hand. We even tested this theory on a couple of the younger guys at work, asking them if they ever Battled the Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger. Of course they all viciously denied it. It's not like you ask for specifics, you're just asking if they have ever committed the act.

Guys over the age of 25 will pretty much tell everyone that they do it, and will even go on about technique and grip. Sometimes too much information is not a good thing, especially when it relates to Wrist Aerobics.

I think women are fifty-fifty on the subject. We didn't go and ask the girls if they do or not, mainly because I like my job, and asking those kinds of questions to the girls would not ensure that I keep it for long. But the major thought from all of us is that they do occasionally Butter the Muffin, though maybe not as often as the guys do. I'm hopeful that some anonymous person reading this would love to set the record straight. I'm sure the numbers on admittance and denial would almost be the same as the guys, although it's my personal opinion that most women will tell you they don't.

It all comes down to that time in your life when you are finally comfortable with yourself sexually and can view such things without all the hang-ups and taboos associated with it.

I guess that's one of the perks of growing older, finally being able to come to grips with yourself. (pun intended) , either that or complete loss of shame. Whatever works.


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