Sunday, July 02, 2006

Underwear? Under There.

Nowadays there are so many choices when it comes to underwear.

I'm just talking about guys underwear. I won't even try to fathom the difficulties involved with shopping for women's underwear. (God, if I was a woman I'd have a horrible time trying to pick out what kind of undergarment to wear. Actually, if I was a woman I'd have a hard time not touching myself all the time.) For the purpose of this discussion, I'll just focus on what's out there for a guy like me.
  1. Boxers - Boxers are okay, lots of room for "The Boys" and very comfortable. The only bad thing is that they have a tendency to bunch up when you're putting your pants on, which makes it look like you have tumors erupting from your legs.
  2. Briefs- Otherwise known as "Tighty Whiteys". No one over the age of five should be caught dead wearing these things. What's the point? I understand that you can't let "The Boys" swing around all the time, but don't resort to this.
  3. Boxer Briefs - The best of both worlds. Ebony and Ivory, Sonny and Cher, Beer and Peanuts. The support of briefs, the coolness of boxers. Form and function all in one. Point of fact: They tend not to "ride up" as much, which is a plus in my book.
  4. Thong or "Bananna Sling" - No. No. Nononononononono. Never. Unless it was for ridiculous amounts of money. If anyone wears these around under their street clothes, they should be reported to the police, both fashion and conventional. The factory that manufactures them should be nuked from orbit.
  5. Freeballin' - "'Cause I'm free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change" Okay, not Freebird. Freeballin' (or Going Commando) is some times necessary, but I would strongly recommend against it. Your risk the chance of either the "Stray Drip" or the even more fearsome "Zipper Entanglement". Even letting "The Boys" out to play isn't worth that risk.

What's your preferance? Does it matter?

I think I covered all the choices, or at least the general areas. It's obvious which is my favorite, at least the one I wear when I'm not being paid outrageous sums of cash...


1 comment:

  1. You forgot the other name for Boxer Briefs: Bloomers. Ah yes, the height of 1870s fashion in women's undergarments is alive and well in a cotton/poly/spandex version - for men! ha ha ha ha!

    Oh. And do they no longer spell 'banana' with only 2 Ns? You owe me a doughnut!