Tuesday, December 13, 2011

For Your Protection.

I'm working yesterday, near the front of the store, and this guy walks up to me:

"Hey Buddy - could you ring me through the till?"

He's got a couple of items in his hands, so I take a look at the cashier area - (I figured maybe they were busy and he was in a hurry) - it's a ghost town up there, so I say "I'd love to, sir, but there are 3 wonderful cashiers available to help you right there."

He glances at the 3 ladies standing there and turns to me. "I'd really rather have you do it." 

Since I'm not a guy to argue with a customer for no reason, I head up to the spare till, my new best friend trailing along behind me, and start to ring his groceries in. Thoughts race through my head: Does he have a complaint he wants me to deal with? Is he going to try and rob the place? Is he going to hit on me? Am I putting out that kinda vibe? I'm wearing my wedding band, right? 

My questions are answered as I ring in the second-to-last item.

After glancing around, he leans in and says "I'd also like a box of condoms."

Now it all makes sense.

The location that I'm at is a small store - we don't have a pharmacy or anything like that - just an aisle with some cough syrup and toothpaste, and things like condoms are kept behind the tills with the cigarettes. (One will kill ya, one will keep ya safe - strange, eh?)

Romeo here didn't want to go through the other cashiers and have to ask a girl for condoms.

Now I don't understand the shame involved in purchasing condoms. When I was young and in my prime, I would boldly go up and announce to the cashier and whomever was in the vicinity that I was buying condoms. There's no reason to be embarrassed. What does buying condoms mean? You're going to be having sex. Right there you're ahead of everybody else who isn't having sex that night. You win. I would look at the person behind me in line and say, "Hey - whatcha got there? T.V. Dinners? That's great - night of watching movies, eh? I'm buying condoms - I'm gunna be too busy to watch movies yaknowwhatImean?"

(Please tell me you can picture the huge fucking smile plastered on my face.)

I don't buy them anymore, but I almost wish I could - just to get the fun of proclaiming my activities to the world.

But the fact that my poor friend across the turntable was ashamed to go up and ask for condoms from a woman is kinda sad. He should be proud - the guy was older than me - all he's letting the woman know is a) all his plumbing still works fine and b) he's going to be using it later.

I grabbed the box for him and rang it through - he paid quickly after that and left.

As he was going out the door, I made sure to loudly say "Have a great night!" and as he turned to look at me I gave him a knowing wink. His wide-eyed look made my day.

Yeah - I'm great at customer service, but I'm also an asshole at times.


1 comment:

  1. This is great! My husband has a horrible time buying condoms too! hee hee ;)