Sunday, September 18, 2011

To Cap It Off.

I'm a guy who wears a baseball cap practically every moment he's not at work. I'm the only person I know who thought "Sandwich Artists" have a great job because they get to wear ball caps while working, so you have to take this list with the understanding that I'm a bit biased.

I think that when making a first impression, the way you wear your hat says a lot about you. What's on it (logo, team, etc) says even more, but I'm not going to even get into that right now.

This is what I think when I see someone wearing there baseball cap any one of the following ways:

-  Curved Brim - You're casual, relaxed, and just an average guy being yourself. You could even be a cool motherfucker with his own blog and everything.

-  Bent Brim - You're a redneck. The sharpness of the bend is just a measure in degrees of your redneck-ess - the sharper the bend, the more likely you are to have multiple gun racks in your pickup, and keep trying to invite me to watch NASCAR. You're probably nice, but I will automatically label you as "Cooter" in my mind.

- Flat Brim - In this case, race pays off. I know it sounds bad, but Black guys pull this look off effortlessly. White guys? My first thought is that you're a douche. Second thought is that you're a wannabe douche, and if you have your hoodie unzipped and the hood up over your flat brim hat it will be all I can do to restrain myself from slapping you.

- Backwards - If you are doing something that requires the hat to be backwards (Jetskiing, parasailing, cliff diving) I understand. If you're just walking around with it on backwards I'm going to assume you're a narsisstic bastard who wants everyone to see his face because he thinks he's 20 times prettier than the average guy. (See: Fred Durst)

I know this only covers a few variations, but you get my point. How you wear your chapeaux (if you wear one) says just as much about you as the rest of your outfit. (Unless you're not wearing pants, then that says enough on its own.)

I could probably ramble on more, but I think you get my point. I'm sure there's those out there who disagree or think there's something I missed - but hey, that's what comments are for, right?


1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:54 am

    Can't wear ball caps forward because they slip off. That anterior cranial bump is lower, and I like to think it is a sign of larger capacity. ... And that god wants you to see my pretty face. A face so nice, /they made it twice/.