Monday, September 26, 2011


- I'm not sure if having the Gay guy at the gym so excited that I'm working out in the mornings again is a good thing or not. That level of enthusiasm is creepy.

- The miles that used to fly by in a blink seem to drag a bit more now. Getting back to my usual pace/speed is going to be a bitch.

- I seem to always wake up at 5am now. Does that mean I'm old? Or does that only count when it's because you have to pee?

- My phone still confuses me - doesn't try to autocorrect "clitoris" - but didn't like me typing "pee".

- Ahhh, clitoris. I can spell it, and I also know where it is. Ladies, tell your friends.

- I wish that the healthiest food on earth was peanut butter. If that was the case, my body could be considered at temple to fitness and nutrition.

- Sometimes I want to send the Kids to school with Peanut Butter Sandwiches, just to see if the school calls in a Hazmat team.

- I always sleep closest to the door - it either signifies I'm a protector, or that I don't want to jump over anyone if I have to bolt for the exit.

- Have I ever stated how much I hate Dire Straits? I'd like to dick-punch every member of the band. If any of them are dead, dig 'em up - I'll dick-punch their rotting corpse.

- The contestants on the Biggest Loser always suprise me. They are amazed that they've lost weight - but isn't that what happens when you remove your head from the KFC bucket and get some exercise?

- If we get more and more bitter as we get older, does that mean by the time I'm 50 I'll be able harm people with my withering glare? 'Cause that would be neat.

- Puppets are a dying art form. Thank God. Pieces of felt that move and talk? That's the devil's work, people.



  1. Anonymous9:06 am

    You have got to feel better now.
    You are right about Dire Straits (I will hold them for you).
    Wrong about Peanut Butter, it has got to be superfood.

  2. At my child's school they have a separate table for kids who are allergic to foods. They have their own table. . .I mean. . shouldn't a kid know if they're allergic, not to eat something?
    My son know's he's allergic to cats, he doesn't go up and lick them.
    I'm sure there are those who have crazy allergies, but when I was in school, if you forgot your lunch, they served you a peanut butter and jelly (but mostly pb) sandwich and that was that. *GASP*