Now that I've grossed you out with some cannibalistic humor, lets get to the meat of the matter (bad pun): Kids.
As troubling as they can be, there are some positives to the entire experience from a "Dad" point of view. These are mine. (Of course, my kids are 5 & 8, your teenager may think you're the biggest dick ever - not my problem.)
- You are the epitome of "Cool". - It doesn't matter how cool or uncool you were in High School or College, to your kids, you're Joe Fucking Cool and everything you do is to be admired and copied.
- You can fix anything. - Once you fix one thing for your kids, they automaticlly assume you can fix anything else in the world. Fix a busted Optimus Prime toy? Your child now thinks you can repair a damaged Nuclear reactor. My kids think the only reason I have other people fix things (ie: roof, car) is because I want to spend time with them instead. "Dad could have welded that strut back on, but he'd rather take us to the park."
- If you know one thing, you know everything. - I answered a question on Jeopardy once before anyone buzzed in, and got it right. According to my kids, I'm now the smartest man alive, and can answer any question they have - from "Why is the sky blue" to "Why do some dogs squat and some lift their legs"? (Thanks for backing me up, Wikipedia.)
- You are the best at any game, any time. - My kids saw me complete a season on NHL 11 and win the Stanley Cup, so now they think that I can finish any level on any game in less than 30 seconds. They also think that I rule at Snakes and Ladders, but that's because they don't catch me cheating.
And I'm quite alright with that.