Mentor.

Tonight is the Annual Celebration of The Sidekick's Birthday.

He's turning 30.

Having been there myself already, I feel his pain and it is my duty to guide him through this rough time in his life. I'll use my Five more years of life experience to make sure he has an easier time of it than I did. (Remember, I was already done shitting my pants when he was born.)

I've been passing on kernels of wisdom since I've met him, but there are some that I don't want him to forget.

• Check your zipper before leaving the washroom- otherwise it looks like you are fondling your junk.
• See that spark of interest in a woman's eye? Watch it disappear when you talk about how much you love Star Wars and Neil Young. (It's okay to love them, just break the news gently.)
• Chicken Soup is good for the soul, but Tomato Soup is good for what ails you.
• Karma is a bitch. I know. I used to Date her.
• Keep your head up and your stick on the ice.

Oh, I've got more, but I'll dole those out as he progresses well into middle age. He'll fight it at first, but then he'll relent and come to accept that his "youthful enthusiasm" is now "childish immaturity".


Come on in buddy, the water's fine.


Later.