I'm in pain.
I hope all of you appreciate the suffering I'm going through.
Tonight at work I had to clean up some broken glass. (My fault - we won't get into the details.) It wasn't a problem, except that I got a microscopic sliver of glass impeded in the fleshy pad of my index finger.
It's my right index finger, which sucks because that's the finger I do everything with. I'm all right until I actually do something with my finger (like type) and then it grates into my body with excruciating pain. (I'm a man though, so I don't cry.) It's pretty annoying.
I've tried to dig it out, but my aged and decrepit eyes keep failing me. I can't squint that long with out getting a screaming headache. I've resigned to letting it get infected, and then having someone cut it off. I believe that is the best course of action.
I know the title is misleading, as it's a glass sliver and not a glass slipper, but that's too fucking bad. If I want to misuse my metaphors because I'm in extreme pain, you'll all just have to like it.
If the infection goes gangrenous and I pass on, I bequeath the sliver to The Sidekick. Someone shove it in his finger so he'll be next.
I'm going to try digging this thing out one more time.
I might go the Rambo route and just cauterize the damn thing.
Wish me luck.