Excellent conversation, good coffee, brewed by challenged people behind the counter. ( Soon we will walk in there and the coffee will be served by monkeys hurling fecal matter.)
I have a new insight into the unemployment problem in this town and many across Canada. Most of the people that aren't working must be horrendously stupid. Because if a major coffee chain such as the one I frequent has to stoop to hiring these type of people, the ones they've turned down must be lacking in gross motor function, or be unable to tell up from down.
Hey now, before you go thinking I'm a bastard, ( and you'd be right, ) I have done hiring and firing for a Major Multinational Corporation. Sure, it was on a small local area, but the same principle applies. Just because they have a heartbeat and the ability to fog up a mirror doesn't mean you should hire them. If they do the above and have a great rack, fine, hire away, but otherwise no go. And this leads us to the following:
The Awesome Rules of Hiring and Firing.
- The shorter the skirt, the longer the interview.
- Comments like " no gag reflex" and " gymnast level flexibility" should be duly noted and recorded in file.
- Document everything, take pictures if they'll let you.
- If the resume has a coversheet, it's a good sign. If it has a centerfold, even better.
- Try to avoid questions about "morals" and "scruples" and focus on meaningful stuff like "open relationships" and "bi-curious".
- If they seem distracted or edgy, offer them a drink of water. If they are hawt, offer some Rohypnol.
- When terminating the employee, mid-coitus is not recommended. Post-Donkey Punch is even worse.
- Try to get "one for the road". If that doesn't work, fudge income reports to government.
- Make sure all paperwork is completed and proper filing is done. Hand out photos and phone numbers to friends.
- Make sure any reference given is succinct and to the point. "Great Cans" will do just fine.
I think that if most employers would follow just a few simple steps the overall work experiance would be much more satisfactory for all of us.