Thursday, December 08, 2005

A Difficult Task

I've had hard jobs before.
I've been there when a goal was set, and when others said it was too arduous to do, I did it.
I've fired people who broke down and cried afterwords.
I've had a multitude of things to do at once, and completed them all.

But the hardest job in the world is teaching a 2 year old not to shit in his diapers.

Instead of torturing the prisoners in Abu-Ghraib, they should have had them potty train kids ages 2 to 3.
Trying to explain to someone not to shit their pants when all they've done for 2 years is do nothing but shit their pants is pretty difficult.
I had somebody tell me tonight how much trouble they were having housebreaking their dog.
"Ha! Try teaching a kid" I said. " At least you get to rub their nose in it and hit 'em with a newspaper."
I suggested the newspaper trick to the Wife; she didn't go for it.
She won't even let me lay newspaper on the floor.

The Boy's not dumb. He understands what is going on. He uses the toilet to pee all the time. But doing Number Two on there? No Fucking Way. I have to admit, if I had someone around to wipe my ass all the time, I wouldn't be too thrilled about changing the program either.

Maybe it's because we flushed the dead goldfish down there. Maybe he doesn't want to shit on fishy heaven.
I figured I could buy him off, but if he craps anything like his old man, it's gonna cost me a fortune.

Solutions are what I need.
And please, don't say put a cork in it.


  1. I think it's an appropriate time to bring up Joey's final post for July.

    My Bro-in-law has a method he says works fine: swap out the Diaper for underpants and say Don't Shit Your Pants. Never had to toss any.

  2. Doing that method already, he's just so stubborn that he just won't shit at all for three days, and that's not healthy.

    But it's a great talent.