Friday, October 07, 2005

Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From Porn.

  • Easiest ways to pick up a girl: Meet on street, (with camera rolling) say "Wanna Fuck?" then go crazy. Order pizza, and if it's a chick driving, you automatically get to "Give her the tip".
  • Ladies want to bang anywhere,anyplace, anytime.
  • If you meet twins, of course you get to fuck them both. The thought of sex with their sibling excites them, as opposed to grossing them out.
  • The Donkey Punch is a finely executed sexual maneuver that was mistakenly left out of the Kama Sutra.
  • Condoms are for Wuzzies.
  • If you are banging a Japanese woman, there is sure to be blood, urine, feces, and possibly tentacles in school uniforms involved.
  • When caught with another woman, your spouse will feel obliged to join in, rather than killing you.
  • Strangers are just people you haven't fucked yet.
  • Most women prefer to look at semen closely, thus the reason for shooting it in their eyes.
  • Women only wear two kinds of panties, thongs and none.
  • Sex on a bed is for amateurs. Trapezes are where it's at.
  • Stds are a myth perpetuated by frigid bitches.
  • All women secretly want to share their man with their best friend.
  • If a woman rejects you, she's obviously a dyke, which means she just needs a good " deep dicking"
  • And if she's a dyke she must be hot, 'cause there are no fat & ugly lesbians.

Why the need for a list? Who knows. What have you learned from porn that you'd like to share with the world?


  1. Heh. Donkey Punch.

    Hmm. I guess I could actually mention a few things I HAVE learned from porn, but it may cast J in a negative light or suggest I've had way more women than to which I'll own up.

    Joey would talk of plugs, I bet! hee hee.

  2. Actually, I read a story recently that described a man whose job it was to go through porn and remove the Money Shot from the picture. Basically, the company paying him didn't want anything potentially debasing to women, and, c'mon, that kinda is.

    the organization for which he worked? A California chain that specializes in women-friendly porn, and from which women can then feel more comfortable renting porn.

    .. because they found the biggest customer demographic for porn was women 18-25. A buddy of mine who worked for The Source (not the RadioShack takeover but the 24h porn chain in Calgary) would definitely agree with this demo. No, the hot Uni girls renting porn still do not want to talk to the guy behind the counter.