Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I Feel: Google News Edition

I'm starting this morning like I start every morning before work: Coffee and Google News. Here's what I think:
  • That I find Peyton Manning's 5 year, $96 million contract so astounding it's inconceivable - I can't begin to comprehend that much money. I bet the Waterboy is going to be pissed if he asks for a raise and is turned down.
  • That since the iPad 3 heats up to about 116 degrees, I guess it means I won't be resting one on my nuts. (I don't own one, but now I can add "How hot will it make my nuts?" to my Questions-to-ask-the-salesguy list if I ever go tablet shopping.)
  • That, as an outsider looking in, it seems to me that Mitt & the Boys are all just racing to see who will come in second when the Election starts. Still, the politics down south are way more entertaining to watch than our own. 
  • That the possibility of an Angry Birds Theme Park both interests and terrifies me. All I envision is kids lining up to catapult themselves at other kids. I bet there won't even be protection, unless you're playing as one of those Pigs with a helmet.
  • That stating that the Kony2012 director was "Psychotic during his nude meltdown" seems like the most obvious headline of all time. No shit, really? I figured he ran around waving his nutsack in a calm and rational manner.
  • That it's impossible not to click on a headline that screams "Horny VIKING MICE". 
  • That I know Google is following what I do online when it links to Beer and Sports on the front of my News page.
  • That for some strange reason, I now want to have a Beer cocktail while watching the Canucks/Blackhawks game tonight.

Fuck - coffee's empty and it's time to go to work.

At least I'm informed - now if any of my customers want to talk about Horny Viking Mice, I'm all set.



  1. Hmmm...I read google news also...did't see anything about horny viking mice...maybe google is more in tune with your likes/searches than you would like to admit!

    1. The secret is out - Scandinavian rodents drive me wild.

      Thanks for letting that one out of the bag, Google!


  2. Horny Viking Mice? I wonder if that's trending...