It's okay to make jokes; I was a lightweight and young enough to be proud of that fact. I remember bugging my friends because I could get drunk on two coolers, and they had to waste their money buying more booze to do the same job.
Don't think I'm retarded, I was only 14.
And yes, I said coolers.
Before you go asking if I had a vagina back then, I must say that initially I hated the taste of beer. It was bitter, sour, and not really to my liking. So I stuck to coolers, which were more palatable. There's only one time that I can recall regretting the fact that I drank coolers.
- I brought along a couple Two Liter bottles of Canada Coolers Tropical Cooler to the 2nd Annual Arches Staff Camping Trip (ie: Three day weekend of Debauchery.) While sitting around the campfire one evening I finished my first bottle and proceeded to open my second. I was dared by people in the crowd to "chug" as much of it as I could. I accepted the challenge, and promptly downed the entire two liter bottle. Bad move. I lasted for about five or ten minutes, and then decided that I wasn't feeling too well. Excusing myself from the campfire, I walked away to get some fresh air. To steady myself I leaned on a convenient tree that wasn't there. I fell down an embankment and was found momentarily by two brothers who were also at the festivities. What did these two stalwart saviors of mine do? Nurse me back to health in the comfort of a tent? No- they dragged me around the campsite only pausing so I could throw up into the bushes. (Bastards.) In the morning you could see little furrows in the ground to mark where they carried me around.
Shortly after, I decided to suck it up, be a man and drink beer. I switched to many different variates over the years, from Budweiser to Rickard's Red to Canadian (Still the favorite.)But beer can be a bit much at times and other alternatives are needed. (The only other acceptable beer is the Draft Beer at The Wee Hideaway in the 'Shwa. But only after hours and with two packs of smokes.)
I switched to Rum. Bacardi, in fact. But the problem with rum, like Vodka, is that everybody else likes it. I would go to a party, set my booze on the counter and when I went to mix another round - Poof! - it's gone. I needed a tasty solution.
I'll never remember how I stumbled upon Gin. I think I had heard of a Tom Collins and decided to try it out. After that, the gates were wide open. I started drinking Gin and Ginger, Gin and Tonic, anything that you could name. The great part of this was that no one else wants to touch the stuff, so it's mine! All mine! Hahahahahaha! - But I'm getting carried away. (I also introduced the Sidekick to Gin. But that's okay, I'm willing to share with him.)
At the last staff Christmas Party, I ordered my last drink of the night - Gin and Ginger - and noticed that the entire 26oz bottle was almost empty. I commented to the bartender about how much Gin she had sold and that it must be getting popular.
She looked at me and said "Nobody else has touched this - It's all you."
What can I say?