Monday, May 29, 2006

Vocal Impotence.

Woke up this morning with a sore throat.

Now this isn't a problem, as I'm not some whiny pussy who gets upset that his throat's a little irritated, but the major inconvenience is what it did to my voice.

For most of the day I sounded like I was going through puberty a second time. My voice was pitchy, cracking, and ranged in volume from a whisper to a croak. Seriously, it was like I was thirteen again. Had to check and see if maybe another testicle was going to drop.

There's no way to be in customer service when you sound like that, either. Try answering the phone. I expected someone to ask if my Daddy was there, or if they could speak to someone over the age of twelve. Dealing with someone in a one-on-one is impossible as well, just because the minute they hear you they treat you like you have the plague, or ask some dumb question like "Losing your voice?" (I could stab every fucker that asked me that today.)

But it's getting better now, or at least it seems to be. Worst case scenario I do it all again tomorrow, just this time I up my dosage of Halls to three packs. (I know, I'm hardcore like that.)

I'll let you know if I find a third testicle, though.


1 comment:

  1. 1. As we learned on South park today - who says TV isn't educational? - the best cure for sickness is Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, Dayquil and Sprite. Accept no substitutes, but your folksy 'Halls' remedies are amusing.

    2. I lied. A Halls Bender is the best cure for the common cold, as proven by fish farmers everywhere.

    3. Maybe we don't need to hear if that third one drops.

    4. VW: fuscrxs . Ponder the meaning. I figure it's a rant vs organized medicine.