Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Energy Crisis.

Why oh why, when you need a battery, can you never find the right size one?

So I needed a battery for one of The Boy's toys. It was a couple of batteries, really. (I should be using the plural if I'm going to be telling it right.)

Do you think I could find the correct ones? Not a fuckin' chance. I needed Triple "A", (which is strange as just about every goddamn toy he owns takes about 15 "D" size batteries, or at least a small piece of fusion-able material.) and there were none around. I searched high and low, all over the house.

I found "D' batteries.
I found "C" batteries.
I found watch batteries, car batteries, rechargeable batteries (wrong size), batteries that were old, batteries that were new, batteries that were yellow, and batteries that were blue. (Not really, but it rhymes, right?)
But no Triple "A"'.

Now came the "Rob Peter to pay Paul" strategy. Which piece of electronic equipment could I live without, in order to steal the "gems of power" from within?
First to find something that would have Triple "A" batteries.
Penlight? No dice.
Hair trimmer? Nope. (Don't laugh, just 'cause a guy keeps himself neatly groomed doesn't mean he can't start some shit.)
Most of the remotes take "AA" batteries, so they would be of no use to me... or would they?

There is this older remote we have for a spare T.V. which never gets used. It's been sitting on a shelf for about four months, and since I've never had occasion to use it, I never checked what batteries lay enclosed in it's plastic shell.

Success! Triple "A"! Woo! Good thing I never used that remote. The way I flick through the channels, the batteries would have lasted about 15 minutes. But they were the correct size, and functioned perfectly for The Boy's toy.

I wish there was a type of "Universal Battery" that fit all devices, no matter what they did. And forget about needing ten of them to run one thing. Make it so that one battery will do the job, and if necessary, maybe two. (For heavy duty things like a fat person's scale, or a nympho's vibrator, you could use three.) Think about how easy that would make your life.

But until then, I'll keep scrounging, switching, and getting really pissed off looking for those oh-so-important cylinders of juice. So if your remote doesn't work one day, and feels a bit light....

Don't look at me.


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