Friday, November 18, 2011


*First World Problem Alert* 

If you are concerned with starving children, hurricanes, kittens, clean drinking water or the plight of the harbour seals - don't read this. Go to some other blog that's less self centered and more huggy-feely - maybe one with a tofu recipe in the sidebar.

I've got a wart.

No, it's not on my balls - if it was the tone of this post would be more panicky and there would be pictures. It's on the inside of my middle finger on my right hand. This is completely unacceptable as that is my coffee-cup-holding hand and the cup handle pushes directly on the wart when I lift the cup - and that motherfucker hurts like a bitch.

So you can see my dilemma.
My options are:
  • Don't use the handle.
  • Go left handed.
  • Don't drink coffee.
  • Cut of my finger.
As a coffee drinker, the last one is probably the most acceptable. If I don't use the handle, I'll burn my hand, going lefty would be like jerking off left-handed (It's just not done), and not drinking coffee would expose people around me to a dangerous situation - because without access to the blessed bean, I'm likely to rip someones head off and have them visually examine their own prostate.

The Wife's suggestions are to get some Compound W and use a travel mug instead. I guess she doesn't like the thought of me with only nine fingers, or else she's got some secret hatred for amputees - I don't know which. I'm going to give her idea a shot, but only because she says I never listen to her - or something like that, I really wasn't paying attention.

I'm sure it'll work itself out - but if the posts seem to be coming a little slow in the next couple of weeks, you'll know it's because I went with my final option - that, and I'll have a nametag that reads "Stumpy".


1 comment:

  1. Personally...cutting it off is probably the only way to ensure it wont come back. However, Dr. Scholl's Freeze Away works pretty awesome.