Sunday, August 28, 2011

Fasten-ating Situation.

"A button, a button, my kingdom for a button." - Me.

Why the soliloquy, you may ask? (And even if you didn't, you're going to hear anyway.) I know its not normal for me to bust out my semi-Shakespearian chops, but it all comes down to a missing button on my shirt.

It wouldn't be a problem except that the button I'm missing is, to me, the most important fastener on the shirt - the second button down.

(You think I'd write about missing a bottom button? What kind of blog do you think this is? I'd just tuck that shit in my pants and carry on.)

The second button is the one that holds it all together. At this time of year we don't wear ties, so the collar button is always undone and without the second button, my shirt is open to the middle of my chest - making me look like a reject from a 70's disco movie.

Adding to that image is the fact that I'm quite hirstute , so there's a forest of manly chest hair breaking out all over the place, straining towards the sun. Might as well throw a couple of gold medallions on there just to top it off.

So as you can see, my two options are to either button right up to my collar and go all Revenge of the Nerds or leave it wide open and appear to be a Tony Montoya wannabe.

(Just so you know, I'm going with the Tony look - at least he got laid. Sure, the nerd did too, but he also had a Darth Vader mask going for him, and I'm fresh out.)

I figure my options at this point are either keep broadcasting the manly chest-hairness, staple it closed, or see if I can somehow carve a button out of something.

I'll try and keep you posted, but that staple option is looking pretty sweet right now.


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