Friday, June 09, 2006

Burn Baby, Burn.

So I went golfing today.

Now I could go on about how the whole day was, from the incredible service and fantastic surroundings of the golf course (Crown Isle, for those who care.) to how much beer I was able to drink, but that would be relevant stuff and I know you aren't here for that.

I'd like to tell you a story.

This story involves a guy about my age, who looks like me, who also went golfing. Now this young gentleman was exceptionally bright and witty, and his charming good looks were the envy of everyone else on the course.

This individual was having a fantastic time golfing, his shots were sailing though the air, almost right on target, and his day was going great. The beer was flowing freely, and although the sun was not bursting through the clouds, it was nice and warm and a great day to be outside.

Unfortunately this young man forgot that even with cloud cover, one can burn fairly quickly out in the open. He did think about it at one point, as he's not a total idiot, but he disregarded it almost immediately, thinking sunscreen was for pussies. And with a fair complexion as his, he would surely be in dire need of whatever sun he was going to get.

He didn't notice the redness as it touched his cheeks. He ignored the way his freckles seemed to soak up the sun like sponges, and how they almost swelled with contained radiation. It wasn't until he went home and got out of the sun that he noticed the color of his arms and the ruddy glow that suffused his face. (Part of this was the booze, but we can't blame it all on that.)

Now he's in a slight bit of discomfort. He feels warm, and he knows he is going to be unable to sleep tonight because of the painful burning and fear of melanoma. On top of that it looks like a farmer tan, just neck and arms, which means that as well as the discomfort, he has to deal with looking like a retard.

We must all feel bad for this man. For when one such as he is struck by such an affliction, we can only hope and pray that it passes as soon as is possible.

I'm sorry to burden you all with the horror of this story, but the tale must be told so that others do not suffer the same fate.

(Okay, it is me. I got a burn from not wearing sunblock when I was golfing today. But if I just told you that, it would be the shortest blog on record. Also the booze hasn't faded yet, and I always tend to ramble when I'm drunk. It's really more fun this way don't you think?)


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