Thursday, April 19, 2012

Smoky Olfaction

I don't smoke anymore.

I say anymore because for those years of my life that I consider myself functionally retarded, (15-30) I smoked hardcore. I was one of those people who smoked over a pack a day and didn't think anything of it.

Quitting smoking is a whole other post, and not what this is about at all.

No matter how much I smoked, (and if I was drinking, I smoked a lot) I was always able to pull off one thing:

I didn't stink.

   - Maybe it was my cologne obsession.
   - Maybe it was my constant chewing of gum or mints. (When dealing with the public, the last thing I wanted was stinky breath.)
   - Maybe I have a nose that can pick up the subtle bouquet of a fine wine, the smell of freshly cut grass 3 blocks over, the hint of a sexy woman's perfume from across the bar, and yet still ignore the smell coming from my shoes after a run.

Whatever it was, I never had that reek of stale smoke about me.

I can't say that for a lot of people who shop where I work.

The location that I'm in, while quite smaller than my previous location, sells almost 3 times the amount of cigarettes than our downtown location does. Down there, it's odd to see a transaction that involves cigarettes - out here it's odd to have one that doesn't.

That being said, there are a fuckton of smokers who come in and out of the store each day. I don't judge them on their habit, (because I hated people who judged me) but I do judge them on how they smell.

If you can be standing behind me while I'm working stock in my section and I can smell you before I see you, there's a problem.

If I am ringing you through the till, and I know you are going to be buying cigarettes not because you asked, but because I can smell you, there's a problem.

I get how smoking dulls your sense of smell - after I quit smoking I remember how good everything smelled and tasted (pretty sure that helped me hit fatty-status) - but I don't understand how you can not smell the noxious fumes emanating from your own body. And these are the same people who hate campfire season because they "End up smelling like smoke.".

I'm almost thinking we should hand out complementary Air Fresheners with each pack of cigs. "Here you go sir, your pack of smokes, matches, and a fragrant tree to hang around your neck - come back soon."
Like this, but around the throat.

Now if only I can get my bosses to go along with it.....



  1. I have a super sensitive sense of smell also. And at one time I smoked and I was always hyper aware of not smelling like smoke. I know the type of people you are talking about...and I always wonder if they can smell themselves.

  2. My biggest pet peeve is getting on the inside track at the Y with smokers. And you know they're smokers because they're sweating ashtray - it's horrible. And part of me just wants to say ... why are you wasting time exercising (Or, why are you funking up my track?) because the jogging isn't going override the filthy habit.

    But I keep my shitty comments to myself. Unless I can unload them on someone's blog.