Monday, April 23, 2012

Dear Ontario Driver:

Thank You.

Thank You for the pleasant drive to work today - following behind you was a joy on my 20-minute journey.

What was so pleasant, you ask?

You actually fucking DROVE.

- You weren't staring out at the ocean, acting like you've never seen a body of water larger than a coffee cup before.

- You weren't chatting away on your cellphone, oblivious to the world around you.

- You weren't driving a tractor. (It's an issue around here..)

Your consistent speed of +10 over the speed limit made me actually crack a smile instead of my usual drive-to-work rage face.

I'm glad that we could both enjoy the highway without me having to pass you and hope that you would have picked up on the evil thoughts I would have been sending your way. The fact that I didn't have to pry my clenched-in-anger hands off the steering wheel when I arrived at work was a surprise.

For once, I made it to work with warm coffee. (I will admit, I have a shitty travel mug, but that didn't matter today.)

But I wonder:

As someone from Ontario, why weren't you checking out the ocean, the mountains, the majestic scenery we have around here?

Is it because you are used to driving the 401, where taking your eyes off the road is certain death?

Is it because next to the greyness of the urban wonderland that is Toronto, you think trees suck?

Or is it because you had an epiphany on how to fix the Leafs, and wanted to rush back home and tell Brian Burke? (Good luck with that one.)

Whatever your reasons were, I'm glad you were in a hurry, because it allowed me to get a more positive start on my day. You may drive in front of me anytime.*

For that, I thank you.


* That's a one-time offer - if you drive like a schmuck, all bets are off, and you'll see how nasty a guy in a Volkswagen Golf can get..


  1. The really mental people all drive Mini Coopers over here. I swear they provide a free lobotomy with every one sold.

  2. Here everyone drives grandpa cars with big ass rims. WAAAY too fast. Good Luck tomorrow. I really enjoy your blog.