Friday, December 07, 2007

Big Fat Purse.

Dear Lady with the Big Fat Purse:

What the fuck do you keep in there?

As I watched you lug that monstrosity around my place of business today I was amazed that you:
  • aren't crippled up from the shear weight of whatever it is you are dragging around,
  • haven't been searched by the Immigration authorities for smuggling in a family of refuges,
  • think you need to have whatever it is you have in there, in quantities that I can't possibly fathom.
I was impressed that you were able to find your wallet and pay for your goods in less than 15 minutes. I expected it to be handed to you from within by an orphan girl who looks similar to the one on that Les Mis poster you see everywhere. I think I also saw Jimmy Hoffa's cuff-links, but I didn't want to pry.

I was still in shock when I witnessed you climb into a vehicle that seemed to be only half the size of your purse, and successfully shift that weight into the passenger seat.

That's when it hit me:

You must have a small Black Hole in there, which can compress space and time and therefore can hold all the shit you can possibly need, yet still be able to fit into a modern-day car. It all makes sense.

Except for one thing:

Why does it have to be teal green? What the fuck is up with that? A Black Hole I can understand, but teal? Really?


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