1:08:54

See that up there?

That's my finish time for the Merville 15K.

I think I did great. I had fun, it was easier than I thought, and I left it all on the road - I ran the best I could and exceeded my expectations.

I ran almost 30 secs/mile faster over this race than I did at my last one, two weeks ago. My average mile was 7:24, which works out to a 4:36 Km. If I keep going at this rate, I'll be in the money in no time.

I placed tenth in my age group, which is an accomplishment, and came in 97th out of 348. Not bad numbers for a former Fat Bastard. (Now just a Bastard.)

The strangest thing was that during the race, at the 9K mark, me and another guy were having a conversation. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be talking to someone as I ran a distance race and still place well, I would have told you that you were nuts. (Who has time to talk when you can't even breathe?) But there I was, talking running (albeit in a slightly labored tone) as we crossed the kilometer marker. We even had a chuckle about that.

As much as I like running, I'm starting to get addicted to these races. It's so invigorating to have the competition, camaraderie, and to just be out.

I've found my new drug.


God help us all.




Later.

Excuses.

Reasons why I haven't blogged lately:

1. I'm lazy.
2. I have absolutely nothing interesting to say, unless you want to hear about Running or Dairy Products.
3. I watched Quantum of Solace last night, and after seeing James Bond kill everybody who even remotely wronged him, my rant didn't seem that important.
4. I was busy carb-loading for my 15K race tomorrow.
5. For some reason, clean clothes and dishes won out over blogging, so I did laundry and housework instead.
6. My kids won't leave me alone. They demand constant attention, and since I'm the greatest Dad in the world, I oblige.
7. When I do have a half-hour to myself, I "relieve stress" - otherwise the world would be an unhappy place.
8. I do have a job, you know - and it's not blogging. (Although it should be, I think I'd like that.)
9. The sun was shining.
10. After staring at the monitor for 15 minutes, I drew a complete blank.

I know they aren't good excuses, but there they are.

I will get back to something regular, I promise; after this race and once everything else (drama) settles down, I'll be back on track and regular updates of pointless observations and my bitching will continue.




Later.

Fool of April.

April Fools is the only Holiday on the Calender that you really outgrow.

No matter what your age, you still acknowledge Christmas, St Patrick's and even Valentine's Day. But April Fool's? That's the one you leave behind.

There's something about pranking other people that just doesn't translate well to the age I'm at now. I think as I matured, I grew to understand that Saran Wrapping a toilet bowl may seem hilariously funny, but it's also a huge, disgusting mess. Yes, Son, that shit is funny - just not when it's on my floor.

Sure, there's always one guy who's still out greasing doorknobs and trying to fool those around him. But to me, it seems like they're just tolerated now, not revered like they were when I was 9.

There were no pranks pulled in my life today.


And I don't really feel bad about that.


Shit, I'm getting old.




Later.

I Want To Be A Coyote...

At least for their home games.

I've been to lots of Vancouver Canucks games. Not on my own dime, mind you - there's no way I could afford that - and I've never thought twice about what the tickets cost. I know they're expensive, it's Hockey, right? Hockey's expensive everywhere.

Not so.

As I read in the Province the other day, Hockey games in Phoenix are amazingly cheap. So amazing that I found it hard to believe. (I even went and double checked the Coyotes website for verification.)

The last game I went to in Vancouver, the ticket cost $144.50. Factor in the 3 or 4 $9 beers I had, plus the $9.50 Hot Dog, and that's a very expensive evening for the company that took me too the game. (Yay Sour Cream!)

As per the article and the Coyotes website, I could get seats for a family of 4 (lower bowl) for $166. With that comes free parking, free all-you-can-eat peanuts, hot dogs, popcorn, and pop. The last price I could find for beer was $5.

So for what it would cost for me to go to one game in Vancouver, you could take 4 friends to a game in Phoenix - or I could go to 4 games by myself, but I'm not that much of a loner.

I understand about supply and demand, and that's what drives the prices to be the way they are.

But I just wanted to say it sucks.






Later.

Of All The Songs In All The World...

This retard has to cover "Africa" by Toto?

I know it's been out for over a year, but this song is getting a lot of airplay at the local radio station, which means I hear it at least 4 times a day at work. It's not that it's horrible, it's just that it's ..Toto.





The worst part with the song is that it gets stuck in your head - over and over and over again. And the last thing I want in my head is Toto - they weren't there in the Eighties, and they certainly don't belong there now.




Later.

I Feel...

1. That I'm a glutton for punishment - I just signed up for a 15K run next Sunday in Merville. I must like running in these areas that reek like cowshit.
2. That between kids, work, wife, and life - I just don't get to drink as much as I used to.
3. That I have a longing to pee on a tree in Oshawa. What does that say about me?
4. That listening to the music that's played in the Gym is starting to get to me. When I can sing along to "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga - it's time to give up and charge up the Zune.
5. That the tougher the economy gets, the more people bitch about the price of Kraft Dinner.
6. That coordinating my schedule with the Sidekick's is a lot like aligning the planets - when it does happen, it'll be a celestial event you'll read about later.
7. That I've said "There's always next year." Way too much when referring to my Colorado Avalanche.
8. That when the people around you get new cell phones - even if they aren't iPhones or Blackberrys - your own just seems to look like a brick of shit in your hand.
9. That if I told the Sidekick what was playing in Winamp as I type this, he'd have a apocalyptic fit and disown me forever. (And yet, still better than The Hip.)
10. That if I ever did an "I Feel" list with 10 complete thoughts, it'd be a miracle - 'cause I usually cop out and type something like this shit right here.

Later.

Clerical Error.

Due to statistical misinformation, I reported an erroneous time for the completion of my Half Marathon.

The stats are in, double checked and posted - My time of 1:44:55 does not stand.

I did it in 1:43:11, bitches!

Sure, a minute and forty-four seconds may not seem like much, but trust me - it is. By the time a minute and forty-four seconds rolled around after the race, I was sucking back water and trying not to throw up - see what can happen in such a short span of time?

I checked the online results today:

• I placed 211th out of 547 - in the top 40%.
• My average pace was 7:52/mile - 4:53/Km.
• I was 28th out of 39 for my age group. Not great, but 6 of the first 14 finishers were from my group - M35-39. So I think that's good.

I'm quite pleased.

(Like I wasn't fucking ecstatic before, right?)





Later.

In Between Goals.

I'm kinda lost.

Having finished my Half Marathon and winning the weight loss contest I was in, I'm all out of goals. I know, I know - most intelligent people would have planned for what they were going to do after achieving their goals, but if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you'll understand I don't really operate that way.

So what is it that I want to do?

My next big run is in October, so the training for that is out - but I think I'll keep doing the mileage - I don't want to stop that. Running 20-25 miles a week should keep me where I want to be.

I do still have that last 6 pounds to go, and I did get all this weight loss stuff in my prize package, so - I think with a slight change in my weight routine, I'll be pretty good to go. Maybe I can get my BF% down to 16-17%.

I think this year, I'm going to get a tan. I have the fake 'n bake passes, (yet another prize) and with running outside when it gets warmer, maybe nature can help with the rest. It would be nice not to be translucent for at least one summer.


Well look at that - I've got some goals.

Thanks, Internet - what would I do without you?




Later.

One Year Later.

It's amazing the difference a year can make.

Last year, on this very day, I blogged about how good it felt to run on the treadmill at my gym. I brag about running my first 5K on the thing, and sound amazed that my time was a 9:03 minute mile.

I then go on to say that the gym was going to be closed the next day, and I was going to try running outside.

And now, one year later exactly, I finish my first Half Marathon with a time of 1:44:55. (I'll hold for the applause.) That's an average 8:00 mile.

12 months ago I struggled to run 5K - today I finished 21.1K. (Mind you, the last 2K were hard.)
The sense of accomplishment I'm feeling is indescribable.

I'm hoping I can continue this trend - maybe next year I'll look at this post and say "1:44:55? What was I doing, walking?"



Later.

Shoes? Check. Zune? Check. Nerves? Double Check.

Tomorrow's my Half Marathon.

I'm nervous as hell.

This isn't a piddly 5K or 10K - this is what real runners run.

I've got my music, my Nike+, my shoes - heck, I've even got my running gear all laid out for tomorrow already.

Now I just have to wait.

I think the part that freaks me out is the fact that I've been talking about this race for the last 3 months, and yet it seemed like it just snuck up on me. All of a sudden, I'm racing tomorrow.

I have goals and expectations:

1. Finish the damn race.
2. Finish in under 2 hours.
3. Finish at around 1:50:00 if possible.
4. Get a shirt.
5. Try not to suck.

I'll let you know how it all pans out.



Later.

What To Wear...

Don't mind me - I'm just boring t-shirt guy.

What's that on my shirt? Oh yeah - nothing. All my t-shirts are blue or grey or black and have absolutely nothing interesting about them. (Except that they are tagless, which is nice, 'cause I hate how the tag can sometime irritate the back of my neck....but I digress)

I got the Sidekick a witty t-shirt for Xmas one year - I'm pretty sure it got him laid, but he'll never give me the credit for that one. I've never needed a shirt's help to accomplish the deed, but it would be reassuring to know I have backup.

I think I tried to wear a funny t-shirt once. I'm fuzzy on the details, but I don't recall it getting a lot of laughs. I think the sweater I was wearing overtop had something to do with it.

I 'm sure that I'm over the age of people who can successfully get away with wearing something witty splashed across their chest. I don't know where to go for guidelines on this, but I'm sure not going to listen to the girl down at Jeans Warehouse.

No matter what I have on my chest and back, just remember - I know when you're looking at my ass.




Later.

Winning By Losing.

So we got the results today from the "Flex Fitness Challenge" I was in, which wrapped up yesterday. (Why is it a fitness challenge? Because you'd get your ass sued off if you called it a Biggest Loser contest.)

I won - kinda.

There were three main winners: one for pounds lost, one for inches lost, and one for body fat % lost. Although I was close in the pounds lost, I missed it by 2 - I only lost 14 pounds as opposed to the 16 that took the title.

I wasn't even close in the inches lost department - as overall I lost only 4 inches - the gains in my legs and chest actually held me back in that category.

So, by process of elimination, you can see I won the body fat % part of the completion - I lost 5.7% body fat - putting me at 21%. That's still a bit higher than I'd like, but considering a year ago I was still at around 35-38% , that's a drastic improvement.

The sad part of it is with going on holidays, my brother coming up, hockey games, and just life in general, my diet sucked over the last 3 weeks. It would have been nice to see what I could have done if I had been faithful to the program.

And although I said I'd like to be at 170 to run my half-marathon, I don't think the extra 6 pounds will hold me back much. (Probably keep me warm if it's cold.)

Would I do it again? Maybe. I think the competition helps, but I was never in any direct competition with anyone - I think if we did group weigh-ins and had more interaction with the other competitors, it would ramp up the tension and everyone would push just a little more.

But whatever - I'm happy with the results. (I consider myself a work in progress anyway.)


See you at the gym.




Later.

Rumors of My Demise...

.. have been greatly exaggerated.

With the Twin's family up for the Nephew's Hockey tourney, the last couple of days have been really hectic - hence no blogging. Having two extra kids in a house the size of mine is enough to throw anything off kilter, and being able to coherently form thoughts wasn't part of the bargain.

But I can tell you some things I've learned:

• I miss the extra padding my lard ass used to have - sitting in the stands at the Arena would have been warmer and more pleasant with a few extra pounds of padding back there.
• Tim Horton's Roll Up The Rim is a piece of shit. I haven't won a damn thing since it started this time, and that's just not right for a guy that drinks as much as I do. When's my time Lord? When's my time?
• I am pretty much the greatest Rock Band vocalist ever. I may not sound good to me or anyone else, but that game thinks I'm fucking amazing. 96-100% on almost every song? God, I'm good.
• If the weather in Courtenay is as shitty next Sunday as it was in Campbell River today, I'm going to be one wet Half-Marathoner. The fact that it's less than a week away now kinda freaks me out.
• The more I see one, the more I want an iPhone.
• As much as I was dreading the weekend, tomorrow's going to be just as bad - I have to do my last long run (10+ miles) , weigh in for the final of the weight-loss contest I joined, and get the Boy to school on time - then my day can start. (It'll only be 8:30am then.)

I'm going to get some sleep - but don't worry, you'll hear from me.



Later.

Let's Go Yachting.

Sure, you'll be the 9,255,054th person to see this video, but you could be the first to do it from my blog. (That's something, isn't it?)

Anyway, I laughed my ass off.



I can just see myself off of Cape Mudge, cruising along with my Lucky and enjoying the high life. Ah, yes.....





Later.

Cheap Therapy.

There's something cathartic about driving 120mph and slamming into a wall. The crunch of metal, the way time slows down as bits and pieces of the car twirl though the air, sunlight sparkling on the shattered glass.

There's nothing more relaxing then careening your car through the city, tearing through a gate, up a ramp, through a billboard - only to come down onto the road a twisted heap of metal.

And all of this for only $20.

I've had the demo of Burnout:Paradise on my 360 since the day I bought it - it was on there already, with a slew of others for me to whet my Next-Gen appetite. As I deleted them one by one, I've always kept Burnout, even though it only had 1 car and 1/10th of the city to roam in, just because it was fun.

So when I saw the game at Wally World for $20, I had to pick it up. More cars, more room, more chilling gruesome accidents to experience from the comfort of my couch. There's nothing better to ease the frustration of a long day than madcap driving through city streets, pulling wicked e-brakes and doing those nifty backwards-spin-around-180-drive-away things like Knight Rider used to do when I was but a young lad.

It's cheaper than drinking.
It's cheaper than weed.
It's cheaper than professional help. (Take that as you will - Hookers or Shrinks, they're both a rip off.)


Best $20 I ever spent.



Later.

Work Sucks.

The first day back at work after holidays always sucks.

It's not about the job, or what you're doing, it's just that it's work.
You are being paid to be somewhere and do something in a place when you'd rather be somewhere else doing something different.

I think I'm going to have to step up my early retirement plans...

Anyone know where the nearest Lotto retailer is?



Later.

Skewed Readership.

One part of my blog that I really enjoy is seeing who's coming around to check out what I'm saying in my little corner of the Internet.

It's interesting to see that people from Korea, China, Uruguay, England, Scotland as well as my Canadian brethren are interested in some topic enough that they stumble upon my assorted rants and raves.

What's disturbing is how many are interested in this post.

Why is the subject of geriatric urine such a hot topic? Is it due to the rising senior population, or is it some twisted fetish? (The skeptic in me, who's been on the internet a while, is well aware that it could be the latter.) Whatever it is, I'm such an authority on it that I'm number 8 on Google China's results for "old men peeing".

Conflicted: Impressed that I'm ranked so high, yet disgusted at what they are looking for.

Good thing I don't write about anime porn.



Later.

Saturday at Wal-Mart.

If you want a soul-crushing experience, go to Wal-Mart.

As much as some may hate the Corporation itself, (much like The Arches) I find it's the people who shop there that depress me the most.

(I know that I'm including myself in the above group, but I like to think I'm a bit apart from them - I know I'm slumming, they haven't realized it yet.)

I understand why people shop at Wal-Mart - the prices. What I don't understand is why people act the way they do at Wal-Mart.

Today I witnessed people having no regard for the other customers in the store - blocking aisles, cutting lines, and just being generally ignorant to everyone around them. I saw more garbage from the McDonald's in the store spread around and lying in displays than I imagine I would have seen at the McD's, had I even gone in there. Watching people paw through merchandise like they were digging for gold - throwing it left and right - made the display-builder in me shudder.

I'm not sure what it is about Wal-Mart that brings out the worst in people - maybe they feel bad about shopping there, and take it out on the other people around them. Maybe they feel so insignificant in their own lives that they act rude and disrespectful to the only people they feel are beneath them - Wal-Mart employees. (We saw that a lot at The Arches - gas jockeys would talk shit to you because you're working the grill instead of their really cool job.)

If going to one place makes you become this ugly human being, why go there? To save 3 dollars?

As happy as I was with the purchases I made today, I left Wal-Mart feeling a little let down - not with Wal-Mart, but with the Human Race.

Shopping shouldn't make you sad.



Later.

My Inner Geek Just Jizzed In His Pants.

This movie is going to fucking rule.


(Oh God, I'm such a nerd.)





Later.

Fuck All Music Channels.

Fuck You, MTV.

Fuck You MTV2, Much Music, Much More Music, and any other music channels that I may have missed.

You used to be good for something. Something like, I dunno - music maybe?

There was a time, many moons ago, when I enjoyed having your channel on in the background - I'd hear the tunes I liked, see some outlandish shit that used to pass for videos in days gone by, and just once in a while, you'd show me something new.

I'd like to thank you for introducing me to the Foo Fighters and the Trews - I still remember the first time I saw "Big Me" and "Tired of Waiting".

But for everything else, you can suck my balls.

Why is it that the only time I ever see any actual music on your channel is when it's Video on Trial? How sad is that? I have to wait for a show with semi-funny comics and gay guys to see 45 second snippets of videos.

And to see that, I have to wade through seven hours of "I'm-a-D-list-celeb-who's-fat/addicted/drunk/socially awkward/train-wreck-who-wants-six-more-minutes-of-fame." Once you see Verne Troyer piss in a corner, you just don't want to see T.V. anymore.

How sad is it that I look enviously at a country music channel, just because they play music and not the same reality shit all the time? (By the way, that's the only time I ever look enviously at a country channel.)

Clean up your act, it's just depressing.

I've turned away from you now, to the digital stations on my cable box, and to HDNet concerts on Sundays. (I'm even willing to watch some MMA and movie trailer shows if it gets me repeat showings of Skin & Bones.) You may lure me back, but it'll take the television equivalent of a lapdance and blowjob just to get my attention again.

And then you'll have to wow me.





Later.