Calling an Audible.

When you call the Workplace, you will generally be greeted by 1 of 3 ladies who work in the office area and handle the majority of calls.

They will then get on our intercom system and announce who the call is for and what line to pick up.

These women each have a very distinct sound to their voice, and I can only describe them as The Wheezer, The Nazi, and The Porn Star.

The Wheezer has the most nasal voice I've ever heard. That, combined with the fact that she holds her mouth so close to the phone that you can hear the exaltation of each breath, makes it seem more like an obscene phone call from the Geek Squad than an announcement.

The Nazi, believe it or not, is actually a French-Canadian woman. Unfortunately her accent and incredibly abrupt and bitchy tone make it seem like she'd be more comfortable paging Mr.Goebbels to the camp gate than me to Line 2.

The Porn Star is my age, and I believe that she believes she could possibly be the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe. It's the only reason I can find that she would answer every call and announce each page in the same sultry tone as Marilyn singing "Happy Birthday" to JFK. She sounds like a retired phone sex operator who's just doing it to keep busy on the weekends.

Needless to say, everytime I hear the telltale "ping" before an announcement comes over the speaker a part of me looks forward to see who it's going to be and the other part covers it's ears and wishes for the peacefulness of public radio to return.

....and we all know how I feel about public radio.

Later.