Now before you go wondering why I would call my best friend by such foul terms, let me tell you that I have only the utmost regard for the man. He is, after all, the Hetro-Lifemate.
The reasons I call him beautiful are as follows:
- He's not completely fugly. There are women out there who find him attractive and charming. (Go figure.)
- He's got the soul of a saint, the heart of a poet, and the penis of a miniature schnauzer. (I'm calling the last one by what I heard through the grapevine. I have no first hand knowledge of this.)
- He's been my rock, my backup, my confidant, and my moral compass.
- He just received tickets to the Kings of Leon concert in Vancouver and asked me to go.
Lets look at that last one for just a second. Savor it, soak it in.
The Fucking Kings of Leon! Sweet Mary Mother of God and All that is Holy - The Kings of Leon.
For me, right now in my musical evolution, this is one of the top 3 bands I would Give My Left Nut to see. (Please note that the Sidekick did not ask for said nut, nor did he make any mention of my nuts as a form of currency.)
Thank God he gave me 3 months warning - now I can make sure I have the time off, the cash, and build up my stamina for the event.
Hold on a sec - I have to wait three months to go to this concert? Every day is going to be like molasses, endlessly dragging on until the day of the show.
Curse you, Sidekick - for giving me the musical equivalent of Blue Balls - I can go, but I have to wait for it. I'll have a stereophonic hard-on for the next 98 days.
God, my Zune is going to take a pounding.
Thank you, Sidekick - even with the wait, I still think you're one beautiful, glorious bastard.