I Feel:

That my ability to hold back from punching ignorant, rude, and stinky people is the hallmark of my career in customer service.

That the main reason I don't is because these hands are made for lovin', not fightin'.

That in order to balance out workouts, housework, work, the things I want to read and write, and have an actual sleep schedule, I'm going to need the day to be extended by about 6 hours.

That with starting my Half-Marathon training, I've become reacquainted with my old Nemesis, chafing. Someone start praying for my thighs.

That the weather phenomenon known as a "Pineapple Express" is shittier than the movie of the same name, and lazier than James Franco's eye. Enough with the rain already - can't it just be Spring all the time?

That watching The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King on television instead of DVD is an exercise in couch sitting of world-record proportions.  I almost made it too, but I couldn't sit and watch the homo-eroticism of Hobbits jumping on a bed at the end. Halfway through that movie, I just wanted Sam and Frodo to get a room already. I'm not one to judge, but I don't want to watch.

 That with the fact that I'm either fiercely hot or freezing cold, I'm starting to wonder if there is such a thing as Male Menopause, or maybe God's just fucking with me.

That if we're being Honest, the only reason anyone would go to the Winter Classic is for the spectacle of it all - because really, those seats would be shitty for watching hockey.

That my deisre to go home and workout is going to have to compete with my desire to go home and sleep. Pillow versus weights: let's see who wins.

That unless I try really hard, I can never make it to 10 on these....

Later.

MidlifeRamblers Episode 7: Mastery of the Geek Haiku.

Oh yeah, we ramble on about Transformers too. (And everything else in our worldview, too.)




Later.

Maintenance is Key.

I have high standards when it comes to my DVDs.

Maybe not in what I watch, (ask the Sidekick, and he'll say my copy of The Princess Bride proves that) but in how I take care of what I have.

So it drives me nuts when I see people treat their DVDs like shit.

I had a guy at work lend me Wild Hogs. (Not my choice, but the Wife liked it.) He brought the disc in for me and when he handed me the case I was appalled.

The outer case was scuffed, the cover slide was ripped, and it still had the price tag on it. It may sound trivial, but I don't need to know that he paid $24.95 for Wild Hogs - if he did, he needs to get a refund. I was almost terrified to open the case and see the disc.- I figured it would look like cats played hacky-sack with it.

I just don't understand how people can treat their stuff like that, especially if they are willing to lend it out to other people. Bad enough that you're going to get judged on your viewing choices - but to hand out beat up, badly treated stuff? It just tells me you can't take care of your shit.

And if you don't take care of your stuff, why would the people you lend it to bother to take care of it? They know you don't give a shit, so why should they? When I hand someone an immaculate disc in packaging that looks like I bought it yesterday, that's how I expect to receive it back.

Do I go overboard? Probably. But to present my things, and by extension, myself as uncared and unkempt is just unacceptable to me.

I'm going to end it at that.
I gotta go dust my collection anyways.


Later.

My Inner Geek Just Jizzed In His Pants.

This movie is going to fucking rule.


(Oh God, I'm such a nerd.)





Later.

Questions & Answers.

Kevin Smith is coming to Vancouver for a Q & A on March 27th.

As we speak, the Sidekick is getting ready to scramble for tickets, as they go on sale this Saturday at 10:00AM.

I would give my left nut to go see this show.

As a long-time Kevin Smith devotee, there are a few questions I'd like to ask - if I get the chance, of course.

1. How hard was it to focus while filming Rosario Dawson's dance scene on the roof of the Mooby's? I would have just stared at that shit for hours.
2. What is your favorite mall, and where is it located?
3. Tell me about Linda Fiorentino. (Supposedly, he just won't talk about her.)
4. Which is a faggier drink - a Grande White Chocolate Mocha, a Skinny Vanilla Latte, or a Venti Hazelnut Machiato -extra hot, no foam?
5. If you were forced into an all-man threeway with Ben Affleck and Jason Mewes, would you be on the inside or the outside of the sandwich?
6. Will you be my friend? (Even if it's only on Facebook?)

Nothing really deep and personal, mind you, but just stuff I'm curious about. (The Affleck/Mewes thing? Don't ask.)

I hope the Sidekick is successful in his endeavor. I hope that we get a chance to go to this. I hope Dave Grhol is sitting beside me in the audience.

Here's to hoping.



Later.

The Reader

I loved this book.

I can't wait to see the movie.



I know it's out now, but I don't think it'll be in my neck of the woods until the New Year, if ever.

If you can't see the movie, at least read the book - it's phenomenal.

Trust me.



Later.

You Know You're Canadian When..

While watching The Love Guru (Yes, I know.), the main thing that bothers you is the fact that Rob Blake takes a faceoff against the hero of the movie, Darren Roanoke.

Two elephants humping on the ice I can believe, but a defenseman taking a faceoff in Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Finals? Not even when Crawford was behind the bench would the Kings have pulled stupid shit like that.

Mike Meyers is a hockey fan. The fact that this made it into production goes to show that he was focused more on Jessica Alba's ass than what was happening on the ice.

For shame, Mike - for shame.

(I completely understand your fascination, Mike - there is nothing else redeemable about her, but Jessica Alba has a damn fine ass.)

Later.

Thank You, IFC.

As quiet time rolled around the house today, (the Boys were resting and out of my hair) I flicked the channels looking for something interesting.

For some reason I stopped on IFC.

Now, I've never been a huge fan of indie movies. Outside of early Kevin Smith, nothing really springs to mind. But for some reason I caught this movie about 20 minutes in and couldn't stop watching.

The next thing I know two hours have gone by.

I think it was the noir-ish vibe the movie has - that, and the fact that just like Fargo, you can't help but be drawn into the way these people talk. Picture 1930's rough-P.I. talk from the mouths of angsty modern youth.

Something about it was just compelling.


I recommend it.

(I also recommend Team America: World Police, so take it as you will.)



Later.

Where Real Life & Hollywood Differ...

The Rocketeer was released in 1991. It's an American movie involving spies, saboteurs,the mob, federal agents, and a guy just trying to do the right thing.

10 years later, in real life, a bunch of crazy fuckers killed 3000 people in one day.

In the climatic scene at the end of the movie, the Mob and the G-Men team up to help defeat the Nazi's - The Rocketeer saves his girl, defeats the Head Bad Guy, and all is warm and cozy at the end of 110 minutes.

It's been seven years since 9/11. The Bad Guy is still out there, the Republicans and Democrats are still at each others throats, ( if the Mob and the Cops can team up, why can't they?) and nothing is warm and cozy at all.

Of all the failures of any Government in the western world, the fact that the main people responsible for this one atrocity still being at large ranks somewhere at the top of the list.

Maybe we should get Hollywood in on the action.





Later.

Quantify My Solitude.

Behold the Second trailer for the next 007 film,Quantum Of Solace.




God Damn.

I don't care if the Secret Evil Organization is Spectre or not - I'm lovin' it. The inclusion of Spectre in the Bond mythos was always one of my favorite parts. The fact that Bond isn't facing just one crazy fucker, but a whole cadre of them seems to just make sense. After all, who better to challenge those who fight for Queen and Country than those who hold allegiance to no country at all?

I can't wait for November.



Later.

I Feel...

1. That when it rains for your entire holidays, you should be able to call a "do over".
2. That spending 2 hours in Butterfly World made me a better Dad, and not an emasculated shell of a man. (It just felt that way.)
   
3. That just because I gained three pounds binging over the weekend, it's still alright to take it out on my workout partner in the gym. ("We're gonna bench what?")
4. That the crazy looks I get from people when I run in the rain are just as funny as the crazy looks I get for running when it's 24° outside.
5. That my downfall will be Peanut Butter. Don't ask.
6. That I shall have to watch 14 hours of cinematic masterpieces to erase from my mind the horror that is Hot Rod.
7. That the next time I agree to rent such a horror, I am attacked by midgets and punched in the gonads at least three times.
8. That getting up at 5:45am to go to the gym at 6 on my holidays means I'm committed, not retarded.
9. That Barack Obama should have picked Hillary as Veep - pickin' a white guy just gives the rednecks another reason to shoot at him.
10. That phoning me and asking if I'm going to vote Liberal or Conservative if there is a fall election is like asking me if I want to be kicked in the right or left testicle - I don't want to do it, and no matter what I choose, I'm not going to like it.

Later.

Lee Meriweather Was A Stone Cold Fox.

I just watched Batman: The Movie with The Boys the other night. It's good camp, they love it, and where else are you going to hear the line: " Sometimes you just can't get rid of a bomb."

I must admit, though - I have a new appreciation for Lee Meriweather. That woman was a total package. I think I prefer her as "Miss Kitka" the Russian journalist, but she does fill out the Catwoman suit quite nicely.

I think The Boys and I were appreciating that movie on two different levels, that's for sure.


Later.

I Love Shitty Movies.

Got home from work tonight and watched Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay.

That makes 3 "shitty" movies I've watched in the past week: Semi-Pro, The Heartbreak Kid, and H&K2. What can I say? They're funny, you don't have to think about them, and it's a mindless way to veg out for 118 minutes.

Do I like deeper, more substantial movies? Yes, yes I do. But if you are just in the mood for mindless lowbrow humor, why not go with what works? I also like comedy that makes me think - but at the end of a long day, that is precisely what I don't want to do - think.

So pull up the couch and bring on the dick and fart jokes - I need to de-stress.



Later.

You Got Your Chocolate In My Peanut Butter!!

Ok, not really.

I stumbled uopn these videos on YouTube. See what happens when some guy takes two of my favorite movies and mashes 'em together with the all-time favorite. (I would say 3, but there's no way in hell Rush Hour is a favorite of mine.)

Watch and enjoy.








The Holy Trilogy will never be the same....




Later.

Pineapple Tidbits.

The Sidekick and I saw the trailer for this when we went to see Hellboy 2.

As much as I enjoyed that movie, I was more thrilled about getting the chance to see this picture when it comes out.

It looks funny yet it also seems to be much more than your typical stoner movie. And hey, it's got Seth Rogan in it - I have to give it a chance.

Judging by the trailer, this might be good enough to make me forget about the last time I had to see James Franco on screen. (shudder)

Oh hell, I might as well post the trailer too:



See what I mean? That shit's going to be good. "Smells like God's vagina" is the greatest saying I've ever heard.




Later.

Scooped!

The Sidekick beat me to it.

I was going to post about The Watchmen trailer that's been released on the Internet, (I'll also get to see it when I go see The Dark Knight) but the bastard stole my thunder.

The guy posts twice in a week and a half, and he steals it right out from under me? That's just not fair. Sure, I know movies are his shtick and all, but you think I'd beat him to the punch on this one.

I guess I'm slipping in my old age.

I'll let him have the page views - you can check out his site to see what it looks like.

As for the movie, I'm quite stoked. I love the graphic novel, and if it translates half as well on screen, we are in for a treat.

Check it out, I'm sure you'll like it (or at least be intrigued).



Later.

Bat-Fucking- Hilarious.

In honor of The Dark Night opening tomorrow, (or midnight tonight, if you are one of those lucky bastards who got in to a midnight screening) I 'm posting two of the funniest Bat-related images I know.

Enjoy.

Later, Friends - Same Bat-Time, Same Bat-Channel.

The Only Guy I Know Who's Hornier Than Me

The Sidekick and I are going to see Hellboy 2 tonight.

I'm somewhat shocked, as he didn't really care for the first one, but give him any chance to go to the movies, and he'll be there. (I recall a rumor that he was at the theater on the opening day of Mean Girls.)

As much as I liked the first Hellboy, I'm a bit skeptical on this one. I'm worried that there will be too much "monster overload" on the screen, and that what might be a great story has been covered by special effects.

I will say one thing - as long as Ron Pearlman continues to portray the Big Red Guy, I'll probably keep going to these movies. (You have to admit, it's one of the best casting decisions of all time.)

Have no fear, I'll tell you what I thought of it.

Until then, imagine me in the theater, drinking my Timmy's and watching this:







Hellacious Goodness.




Later.

Up, Up, And ....Yeah.

Went and saw Hancock tonight.

(Do you know that typing Hancock into Google Image search without SafeSearch on is a bad thing to do? Sure, you get the picture you want, but you also get stuff you don't want to see.)

I liked it. It could have been better, but I really did like it. It starts off great, but somewhere around the middle of the second act, it drops down a notch in intensity and just plateaus. Still a good flick, and worth seeing, but don't expect it to go in any direction you think based on the previews.

But I do have to say one thing - Hancock's scowl ranks up there alongside Derek Zoolander's pout as a facial expression for the ages. It never falters, wavers, or gives up. Will Smith may look angry, or constipated (or angry about being constipated) but he stays true to the character for the entire film.

I'll say it again - I liked it. I'll buy it on DVD when it hits. (But that's nothing special - I want to buy everything on DVD when it hits.)



Later.

I Feel Shame.

Yes, I went and saw a movie about an Israeli hairdresser.

That's all I want to hear about it, okay?

Fun movie, but too much hommus for my liking.



Later.