Holiday, Shmaliday.

After enjoying Turkey with all the trimmings post-late shift last night, I was looking forward to hitting the gym this morning. (Yes, I'm the sad type of person who looks forward to punishing their body physically.) Something about eating that much that late at night makes me crave the workout - like if I give the fat molecules any extra time to stay in my body, they'll never leave.

I had even planned on having a tan - with lotion!

I got up at my usual time, (5am) and headed off to the gym. It's never a shock to be the only car in the parking lot - when you go as early as I do, sometimes you're the only car there. But after 5 minutes, when none of the other regular's cars were showing up in the parking lot, I decided to go and see what was going on...

Closed.

Not reduced hours, not opening later - closed for the whole day.
(For Easter Monday? Really? We close a business for a Zombie Holiday?)


Fuck.

I'm awake already, so I don't want to go back to sleep. It's too cold at this time of the morning to run outside, so I'm at a loss as to what to do.

So I go home, make some coffee, and read until the sun comes up.

As much as I enjoyed the quiet time, I really wanted to get a workout in. I'll go for a run later, but nothing beats that 5:30am sweat - makes every calorie I consume later on feel guilt-free.

Goddamn Catholics and their fucking holidays - (right, Sidekick?) ruining my routine...




Later.

Rumors of My Demise...

.. have been greatly exaggerated.

With the Twin's family up for the Nephew's Hockey tourney, the last couple of days have been really hectic - hence no blogging. Having two extra kids in a house the size of mine is enough to throw anything off kilter, and being able to coherently form thoughts wasn't part of the bargain.

But I can tell you some things I've learned:

• I miss the extra padding my lard ass used to have - sitting in the stands at the Arena would have been warmer and more pleasant with a few extra pounds of padding back there.
• Tim Horton's Roll Up The Rim is a piece of shit. I haven't won a damn thing since it started this time, and that's just not right for a guy that drinks as much as I do. When's my time Lord? When's my time?
• I am pretty much the greatest Rock Band vocalist ever. I may not sound good to me or anyone else, but that game thinks I'm fucking amazing. 96-100% on almost every song? God, I'm good.
• If the weather in Courtenay is as shitty next Sunday as it was in Campbell River today, I'm going to be one wet Half-Marathoner. The fact that it's less than a week away now kinda freaks me out.
• The more I see one, the more I want an iPhone.
• As much as I was dreading the weekend, tomorrow's going to be just as bad - I have to do my last long run (10+ miles) , weigh in for the final of the weight-loss contest I joined, and get the Boy to school on time - then my day can start. (It'll only be 8:30am then.)

I'm going to get some sleep - but don't worry, you'll hear from me.



Later.

Of Playgrounds & Panty Lines.

(As much as the above title sounds Pedo, it's not - no children were harmed in the following post.)


Even though I felt like shit today, I had promised my kids I'd take them to the park. If there's one thing I've learned since the little tykes came along, it's that when you promise them something, you have to deliver.

So we head to the playground. When we arrive, it's overrun with kids from a daycare next door. My kids are thrilled because there are tons of other children for them to play with, and I'm thrilled because the 3 guardians of these little angels are all wearing my all-time favorite outfit on women aged 21-40, yoga pants.

So I sat at the playground, watching my kids run around and play, and also made some small talk with the ladies. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, my coffee was just right, and I was surrounded by God's wonderful creations wrapped in Man's greatest fashion accomplishment.

I knew it had to end sometime.

After a while, the daycare kids had to go back inside, and my kids were wiped from all the running around and playing. As I was getting our stuff together, The Boy asked "Can we come back and play with the daycare kids on your next day off, Daddy?". I looked over my shoulder at the lycra-enveloped wonders exiting the playground and replied:

"Absolutely, son - My days off can't come fast enough."





Later.

The Only Guy I Know Who's Hornier Than Me

The Sidekick and I are going to see Hellboy 2 tonight.

I'm somewhat shocked, as he didn't really care for the first one, but give him any chance to go to the movies, and he'll be there. (I recall a rumor that he was at the theater on the opening day of Mean Girls.)

As much as I liked the first Hellboy, I'm a bit skeptical on this one. I'm worried that there will be too much "monster overload" on the screen, and that what might be a great story has been covered by special effects.

I will say one thing - as long as Ron Pearlman continues to portray the Big Red Guy, I'll probably keep going to these movies. (You have to admit, it's one of the best casting decisions of all time.)

Have no fear, I'll tell you what I thought of it.

Until then, imagine me in the theater, drinking my Timmy's and watching this:







Hellacious Goodness.




Later.

Downtime.

After a day like today, nothing is better than chilling with the Sidekick to vent and relax.

Coffee is my fuel, and the release of frustrations and irritations from dealing with the general public is the dangerous by-product. (I don't think it's harmful to the ozone, but who knows.)

But that's why this post is short: I'm not really here, but at Timmy's - you'll be able to see the steam from when I vent.


Later.

I Feel....

1. That the guy on the Radio is a complete idiot. If you say that "Touch of Grey" is your favorite Grateful Dead song, it really means it's the only Grateful Dead song you know.



2. Forget the protein shakes and supplements - the greatest thing after a hard workout is a Timmy's XL 2 Cream, 2 Sweetener. Start your day off right, dammit.


3. That my ideal job would be just walking around the store and bulshitting with people. Either that or Porn.



4. That sometimes I don't eat enough roughage.
5. That pretty soon I'll be taking a gas can and siphon tube with me on my morning jog. Stealing other peoples gas reduces my carbon footprint, right?



6. That when I wake up feeling like I've slept in late, only to see that it's actually 7am, means I'm either getting up way too early on my gym days, or else I'm still asleep and soon my dream will involve clowns dancing naked.



7. That the less I physically look like Mike Matusow, the more my Poker luck seems to echo his. (How many rivers can one man take?)



8. That running on the Treadmill comes in three stages: Why the hell am I doing this; This feels great, I should do it more often; and When the fuck can I get off this thing?



9. That Peanut Butter should be it's own food group. Healthy or unhealthy, that shit's amazing.



10. That trying to come up with Ten interesting things to say is harder than it looks. Try it sometime. (And yes, complaining about my lack of roughage is interesting. You're reading about it, right?)
    

Later.

A Steaming Cup Of Tranquility.

I didn't go home for lunch today.

Instead I strolled next door, got a coffee (Venti Skinny No-Sugar Vanilla Latte)and a newspaper, stepped onto the patio area, and read my paper in the sun.

It's the most awesome thing ever.

(For those of you who think drinking coffee in this weather is crazy, you can kiss my ass - I'll drink coffee when I'm in the burning pits of hell.)

There is something inherently relaxing about coffee & the paper - a sense that all is right with the world. (Even though you are reading something that tells you everything is clearly not right at all.)

Whatever - it was the most relaxing part of my week I think.

I should schedule coffe-paper-sunlit patio-days more often.

It'll be good for me.




Later.