The Heat is On.

Holy Shit - it was hot today.

I don't care what the thermometers said, it was broiling. I deal better with the heat now - all the running last summer made me appreciate it a lot more, and this year I've gone from fat and pasty to slim(mer) and light brown.

Today I did something I never would have done years ago to beat the heat - I went to the lake.

Now before you start thinking about Frankie & Annette, I did bring the kids with me, so it was a family type day.

We had a blast. The kids played at the edge of the water, we threw rocks, and Daddy got to enjoy the beautiful scenery that surrounds the lake in the summer. A great time was had by all. I wasn't sure how the kids would handle the heat, but the only time they even kicked up a fuss was when we had to leave.

They want to go back tomorrow - I'm hoping we'll be able to. (First I have to do all the yardwork and shit, and then we can go play.)

Here's to not sitting in the house in front of the fan - summer fucking rocks.



Later.

Request.

Dear Homeless Man on the Seawalk:

For the love of God, please put a shirt on. I know it's summer, and the weather's gorgeous, but you have to think of other people at a time like this. For me to come around the corner by the park and be confronted with your fat blubbery man-tits splayed out for everyone to see not only made me gag uncontrollably, but I almost stumbled and fell - which would have prematurely ended my run.

Now I'm just assuming that by your disheveled, ragged appearance that you are homeless - If you are the fine owner of one of the oceanside mansions that dot the area, I would just ask that you step inside and fetch a shirt, or maybe have your butler do it. If that wasn't the case, maybe you could dig something out of that shopping cart full of shit you were leaning against.

As an aside, I just like to say that you must be the most resourceful homeless guy I've ever seen - most people with addictions such as yours are skinny and malnourished - for you to be as . . rotund as you are only hints at your ability to procure food. I wish you could have conjured up a shirt and maybe some deodorant, but I guess they aren't as high on your priority list as beer and whatever you get out of the dumpster.

If you get a chance, dig in the one behind Canadian Tire - maybe they threw out a tarp or something you could use. It just might have the coverage you need.



Later.

Good Guys Wear White Hats.

Even if they have a Canucks logo on them.

I think I'm one of those people who never look good in pictures. Unless it professionally done or photoshopped, I end up looking washed out and not as lively as I am in real life. (But what can I expect from a webcam, really.)

If I do look tired, it's because I just got back from a nine mile run. (It's amazing what new shoes can do for you.) So please excuse any lack of energy which may appear in the image.

As for the white hat, it's the one I got at the Canucks game The Sidekick and I went to. Would you believe you can't buy a white Colorado Avalanche hat in GM Place?

Enjoy the photo - just don't sell it to the tabloids, kay?



Later.

Kenyan Or Jamaican?

I'm having trouble deciding on a nationality.

I'd love to be able to cover the grueling marathon distance like the Kenyans do, but can't overlook Jamaica's dominance in the short track events. (Which is better ladies - a quick sprint or a long run?)

The main problem I have is that I'm the whitest Canadian I know - even with running outside, I've only got a pseudo-tan, not even worth bragging about. I'd never fit in.

Maybe I should incorporate time in the tanning booth into my training regimen.

Or, maybe I should just run more.

Yeah, that's it.


Later.




P.S. - I did my 5K outside today, as opposed to the treadmill, and did it in about 26:00 (give or take 5 seconds.) Although not below the 25 min mark like I hoped, it was nice to be close.

Of Playgrounds & Panty Lines.

(As much as the above title sounds Pedo, it's not - no children were harmed in the following post.)


Even though I felt like shit today, I had promised my kids I'd take them to the park. If there's one thing I've learned since the little tykes came along, it's that when you promise them something, you have to deliver.

So we head to the playground. When we arrive, it's overrun with kids from a daycare next door. My kids are thrilled because there are tons of other children for them to play with, and I'm thrilled because the 3 guardians of these little angels are all wearing my all-time favorite outfit on women aged 21-40, yoga pants.

So I sat at the playground, watching my kids run around and play, and also made some small talk with the ladies. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, my coffee was just right, and I was surrounded by God's wonderful creations wrapped in Man's greatest fashion accomplishment.

I knew it had to end sometime.

After a while, the daycare kids had to go back inside, and my kids were wiped from all the running around and playing. As I was getting our stuff together, The Boy asked "Can we come back and play with the daycare kids on your next day off, Daddy?". I looked over my shoulder at the lycra-enveloped wonders exiting the playground and replied:

"Absolutely, son - My days off can't come fast enough."





Later.

Jesus Was A Runner.

And a damn good one, too.

I have to say that right now, more than anything, I'm digging the outside running.

The breeze, the sun, all of it comes together so nicely that I don't even feel my legs moving. I used to think the treadmill was a great way to zone out - now I'm convinced that outside is the way to go. (Did you happen to notice how girl runner's bouncy bits really bounce when they are running? It's an added perk, I'd say.)

Tonight I did just over 6K - I went slowly because I was tackling a monster hill right at the start, and I wanted to save my energy. I finished it in just over forty minutes, which also includes stopping to talk to the Sidekick. (See? When is the last time you ran into anybody on the treadmill? It just doesn't happen.) I had so much energy left at the end I almost chided myself for not going faster.

Bish was right - The me of a year ago would have scoffed at just going out for a run. "Outside? To run? Where? - I'll go if it's a donut shop." I'm impressed with the progress so far.

I figure if Jesus can walk with the cross on his back, I can run. I ain't got shit on mine.(and there's nothing tied to my ass, either.)




Later.

Sweating Bullets.

I think I'm going crazy, and here's proof:

I took yesterday off from the gym. It's good to let your body rest, and even I realize that you can't workout all the time.

I was going to go this morning, but decided to sleep in and have a family breakfast before I went to work at noon. As I was getting ready for work, I was feeling guilty about skipping the gym and then it occurred to me: run on my lunch (dinner) break.

It all seemed so simple: Pack my gym gear, get changed at work, run from work to the seawalk. I figured I'd only run a short bit, not too hard, and turn around 10 or so minutes in and head home for a shower and back to work.

I didn't figure on how retarded I am.

• My work clothes, in a backpack, with shoes and keys and everything = about 10 pounds.
• I'm running at 3:30 in the afternoon - probably the hotest part of the day.
• I should have known that once I started, I wouldn't be able to stop at "just a little bit."

So what did I do?

I ran my usual 6K in almost my best time ever - with the extra 10 pounds on my back. When I got home, I was sweating like mad. I was even sweating after I came out of the shower. (That can't be right.) I was almost done sweating by the time I made it back to work.

Was it hard? Yes.

But it felt great.

I'm thinking of signing up for the local 10K that takes place in October. I could start training soon, and it'll fit right in with the workouts I'm doing now. It'll be one thing to check off my lifetime "To-Do" list.

Next time you see some fool running on the Seawalk in the heat of the day, honk and wave - I'll wave back if I can lift my arms.




Later.

Adverse Reflection.

I bought a pair of sunglasses yesterday, and there was one thing that really bothered me.

The mirrors that they put on the sunglass stand/turner-thing are similar to circus fun house mirrors. Depending on which mirror I looked into, I was either anorexia skinny or morbidly obese. Do I go with round frames to accent my sharp cheekbones, or do I get square to hide what looks like my fourth jowl?

They're also set a midget-height. (I'd say dwarf, but a dwarf might have to use a stool.) You almost have to bend in half to see your refection. I'd have better luck checking my shades on someone's chrome tailpipe.

With no help or thanks to the mirrors, I did end up purchasing some glasses. They even looked good when I got them home and checked them out in a real mirror. The Boys wanted me to buy them some too, but they already have some, and I wasn't about to get the youngest one the Spears-Lohan-Hilton type bug-eyed white ones he wanted so badly.

That'd be therapy for sure.




Later.

Too Hot To Post.

It's 11:15pm right now, and it's still 25° outside.

That's too fuckin' hot.

Right now my ass cheeks are sticking to the chair, thus breaking my concentration and preventing me from forming any coherent thought.

It's not pleasant.

I didn't remember it being this hot last year - but then I went and looked at a couple of posts from around this time - this is when I was sitting with bags of frozen peas in my crotch, shortly after my vasectomy.

Funny how I look back fondly on that, now. (The peas, not the surgery.)

Ahhhh - Good Times.



Later.

Bob Villa Can Lick My Balls.

(Not that I'd want him to - that beard would itch.)

Today I was a domestic machine.

I started the day off by fixing a toilet, edging the lawn, weed eating, mowing front and back yards, and finished of with pressure-washing my entryway and driveway.

Did I mention I had the kids with me the whole day? (Juggle that, bitches.) That's got to be worth extra points somehow.

Finish that off with cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, and cooking dinner - it means I don't feel guilty about not going to the gym tonight. (I still would have rather been there.) I have to go back to work tomorrow just to rest.

Yes, I'm that hardcore.

Aren't you proud of me?

I thought so.




Later.

Horticulturally Inadequate

Your Lawn is more than just grass.

The way your lawn looks, and is kept, says a lot about who you are and how you present yourself to the world.

Right now, my lawn says that I'm a lazy-ass piece of shit who couldn't care what the rest of the neighborhood had to say.

(Actually, it's not that bad.)

I haven't really had the time to devote to my lawn like I have in past years. I've only been able to mow and weed-whack, and that's about it. No fertilizer, no weed& feed, and I haven't even touched my side lot where the weeds are getting nasty.

So basically it looks the shits.

It's still about average for my area, it's just that I have high expectations. Thank God for the rental house down the street, and the scuzzy house across from them. If they weren't around, I'd feel even guiltier about my lawn. But next to four foot high grass and toys strewn all over, my lawn looks like something the PGA should be playing on.

Tomorrow's my day off, so some portion of the day will be devoted to the yard. I'll do what I can, and just keep plugging away at it. (I'm thinking about going for a Rock Lawn, or maybe Astro turf - whaddaya think?




Later.

A Steaming Cup Of Tranquility.

I didn't go home for lunch today.

Instead I strolled next door, got a coffee (Venti Skinny No-Sugar Vanilla Latte)and a newspaper, stepped onto the patio area, and read my paper in the sun.

It's the most awesome thing ever.

(For those of you who think drinking coffee in this weather is crazy, you can kiss my ass - I'll drink coffee when I'm in the burning pits of hell.)

There is something inherently relaxing about coffee & the paper - a sense that all is right with the world. (Even though you are reading something that tells you everything is clearly not right at all.)

Whatever - it was the most relaxing part of my week I think.

I should schedule coffe-paper-sunlit patio-days more often.

It'll be good for me.




Later.