Change it Up.

Since my foot is still an issue, I've switched from Running to Biking in an effort to get my cardio fix in - it's not too bad, but there are some differences I've noticed:

1. It's easier on the feet, but tougher on the balls.
2. As a runner, it seems to me that cars tend to give you a wide berth - on a bike, it's like cars fucking hate you.
3. The plus with riding a bike is that the breeze cools you off - the downside would be the sweat gushing out of every pore the minute I stop.
4. I don't know about you, but I don't have to wear a helmet when I run, so getting used to that is going to be a bitch. (If you do wear a helmet while you run, I suggest you join a different running club - you may have inadvertently signed up for the Special Olympics.)
5. Going downhill on a bike? Waaaaay fucking easier on your quads.
6. I think I'm going to need gloves as the grips on the bike are hurting my palms - and I really need those. (I gotta take care of what takes care of me, right?)
7. It's hard to appreciate female bikers like female runners. Same amount of spandex, but the women on bikes are all hunched over..
8. Did I mention it hurts my balls? 

No matter the differences, I kind of like the change - and even when my foot feels better and I can start logging miles again, it's still going to be part of my routine.

I'll just make sure to take the helmet off if I'm riding the bike in the gym.




Later.

Thank You, Vancouver.

• For being cheerful and fun while I was there. Keep this up, and that "No Fun City" label will disappear fast.
• For having a transit system that worked perfectly, and wasn't a pain in the ass to navigate.
• For cleaning up and shining - looking like a true International City.
• For having all those people in Blue Jackets around - who don't mind giving directions to a guy who's "got his buzz on".
• For a Tim Horton's, Starbucks, or other caffeinated beverage place available when I stopped drinking Gin.
• For being the Gateway to Poco, where the real party was.. hahaha.

I'll be back in a month, so don"t forget about me..



Later.

Hangin' Around.

Hey, I just flew into this blog, and boy, are my arms tired.
(Ba-dum Kssh)

Lame jokes aside, my arms are tired - from rock climbing.

I had no wife and no kids today, so like any normal guy I had coffee, read the paper, mowed the lawn, and then decided to try my hand at Indoor Rock Climbing.

I drive by On the Rocks at least once a week, (it's on the way to my parent's place) and having heard about it from other people, it seemed like something I'd like to try. But with always having the Boys, I've never gone in.

It was great.

For $20, I got shoes, a harness, and a quick introduction into the wonders of an auto-belay system. (The great thing is, it's $20 for an all-day pass - I'm going back after dinner tonight.) The auto-belay means you can climb alone, and once you reach the top, you can either climb back down (yeah right) or fling yourself into space, where it lowers you down gently rappel-style.

The gym was busier than I thought, with quite a few people there. Nobody seemed judgmental or rude, and everyone was enjoying themselves. The biggest shock to me was seeing a 8 year old boy scamper up the wall, racing his sister saying he's a "Spider Monkey". Once he hit the top, he just lowered himself down, unhooked and raced off to another area.

It may not be something that I'll do every week, but it's a nice alternative to have. (I'll tell you how nice tomorrow, depending how sore I am.)

I will say this: hardest upper body workout ever.


Later.

Of Bears, Beers, and Aching Calves.

Of all the golf courses I've played at, Bear Mountain reigns supreme.

Forget reigning - Bear Mountain takes the other golf courses, kicks their whinny little asses and sends them packing like the bitches they are.

As you can tell, I'm somewhat enamored with the course. As thrilled as I was to get a chance to play in the Thrifty Foods tourney, it was where we were playing that excited me the most, and the course didn't disappoint.

The treatment by the staff was phenomenal - it was like I was a touring Pro, not some shmoe from the sticks. The place just screams class and money, and the only other place I've been to that has the same feel in the air would be Whistler.

The greens, the fairways, the course is immaculate and in tip top condition. Too bad there were a bunch of drunks playing on it, but we had a fun time.

My team was a great group - I knew one guy already, and the other two were really nice. My cart-buddy was the most fantastic bastard of an Englishman I've ever met, and I could have sat and listened to him drink, curse, and laugh all day.

And drink I did. At Campbell River events, you have a choice of Lucky, Kokanee, or Coors Light. Not bad, but not my favorite brews. Yesterday I drank nothing but Sleemans, Alexander Keith's, Stella, and the odd G&T. And that was all from the Beer Cart. They must have known we had an Englishman in the group because the cart never seemed to be more than 3 minutes away.

So after a Lunch that stuffed me, 18 holes that drowned me in Beer, and a Dinner where the steak was cut with a butter knife, what do I regret?

I regret not resting my calves today. Although there was a cart, there's lots of walking in golf, and I was on the side of a mountain... Of my 3 mile run today, it wasn't until mile 2.5 that they started to loosen up and not be stiff as boards. (Putting them through 6 miles of hills tomorrow to show 'em who's boss.)

I'd love to be able to go back to Bear Mountain. And here's to hoping I get my wish.


Later.

Buck MotherFucking Rogers.

What's one of the greatest birthday gifts a guy from my generation could get?

(Unless you guessed the A-Team Van or the General Lee, you'd have to pick this.)

Buck Motherfucking Rogers.

You see, of the fabled geeky tv shows from my childhood, two of them stand out from the fog of memory. Battlestar Gallactica was one, and Buck Rogers was the other.

After Star Wars came and blew our minds in 1977, there had to be something to fill the void that was left until George Lucas stopped counting money and decided to make a sequel.

Buck Rogers filled the void.

I was at that age where I was old enough to appreciate Buck's stranger-in-a-strange-land quandary, and yet still naive enough to wonder why Colonel Wilma Deering made me feel funny in my pants.

The show had everything: humor, action, a hinted at sexual tension between Wilma and Buck, and a fucking robot that walked around carrying another robot like Flava Flav wears a clock. (The fact is, I think Flava owes Twiggy & Dr. Theopolis a shout out for the inspiration.) Combine that with different hostile alien races and exptic worlds, and it was enough to keep me sitting four inches from the T.V for a hour once a week.

Big props to The Sidekick for picking this gem up for me for my Birthday - even bigger props for giving it to me early as he won't be here on the fabled day.

I can't wait to sit down and watch my childhood appear again before my eyes in all it's chessy glory. What I can wait for is the uncomfortable dream of a three-way with Deering and Twiggy I know is going to happen.



Later.

Watch Out, Gary Carter...

There's a new kid in town.

That's The Boy and I at his T-Ball game. He's really liking it so far, and his favorite position is catcher. (Why a catcher in a t-ball game? Someone has to put the ball on the tee, and this is better than him laying down in right field and not paying attention.)

He's has 4 hits, one run, and one outfield catch. He's all over this game as oppossed to Soccer, where he ran around for 45 minutes and didn't feel like he accomplished anything. (It might have something to do with the T-Ball championship I won at his age - must be in the blood.)

The thing I like the most is that the games are Monday and Wednesday evenings - so I , a guy who works most weekends, can actually go. It's even been suggested that I help coach, (I dare say I'd be better than the sham of a coach that they have now.) but we'll take it one step at a time.

I know that most of you probably looked at the title and went "Gary Carter? Wasn't he Arnold on Different Strokes?". And you'd be wrong, 'cause that's Gary Coleman - Gary Carter was the only cool batcatcher to play for a Canadian team when I was growing up.

At least until my boy hits the Majors.....




Later.

Cheap Therapy.

There's something cathartic about driving 120mph and slamming into a wall. The crunch of metal, the way time slows down as bits and pieces of the car twirl though the air, sunlight sparkling on the shattered glass.

There's nothing more relaxing then careening your car through the city, tearing through a gate, up a ramp, through a billboard - only to come down onto the road a twisted heap of metal.

And all of this for only $20.

I've had the demo of Burnout:Paradise on my 360 since the day I bought it - it was on there already, with a slew of others for me to whet my Next-Gen appetite. As I deleted them one by one, I've always kept Burnout, even though it only had 1 car and 1/10th of the city to roam in, just because it was fun.

So when I saw the game at Wally World for $20, I had to pick it up. More cars, more room, more chilling gruesome accidents to experience from the comfort of my couch. There's nothing better to ease the frustration of a long day than madcap driving through city streets, pulling wicked e-brakes and doing those nifty backwards-spin-around-180-drive-away things like Knight Rider used to do when I was but a young lad.

It's cheaper than drinking.
It's cheaper than weed.
It's cheaper than professional help. (Take that as you will - Hookers or Shrinks, they're both a rip off.)


Best $20 I ever spent.



Later.

My Inner Geek Just Jizzed In His Pants.

This movie is going to fucking rule.


(Oh God, I'm such a nerd.)





Later.

Holiday....

I must be doing something right - my first day of holidays are sunny and nice.
(Cold as Fuck in the morning, but I'm not going to complain about that.)

I originally booked these holidays to help the Sidekick move - but since we did all the big stuff a couple of weeks ago, I'm just going to go over to The City and hang.

There's going to be poker, comics, and probably the occasional Gin or Beer. (Oh Noes!) It'll be cool to just kick back and roll - old skool style. Of course it's not completely old school, 'cause back in the day I'd sleep in on a hungover Sunday morning - this time I'm making him take me to his Gym. (Sad, isn't it?)

I have to go to the Gym, he said his new place is down the road from an IHOP. (How the hell am I supposed to resist that?)


If all goes well, I leave Saturday morning and come back sometime Monday/ Tuesday. I think after 3-4 days with the Sidekick in the Big Smoke, I'm going to need another holiday just to recuperate.

Can't wait.




Later.

Giving Up The Game.

I have to stop playing NHL 09.

Not by choice, mind you.

You see, the copy I have isn't really mine - it's the Sidekick's, and I've just been using it while he was away from his Xbox. Now that he is situated in The Big City, I have to give it back.

And therein lies my problem.

At first it wasn't a big deal, as I'd received a Futureshop gift card for Christmas, and was planning on getting the game with that when I returned the Sidekick's copy. (No problem, right?)

But then I spent the gift card on DVD's. Some in January, and the rest just the other day.
( I got this sweet deal on The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen & Ghostbusters 1&2 - how do you pass that up?)

So now I will be without my Hockey fix until Payday. And that seems like an eternity away.

You have to understand, this is a game that I play religiously. Every day, at least once. It's addictive. Giving this up cold turkey will be harder than quitting smoking and masturbating at the same time. (Impossible, right?)

So wish me luck.

I'm gonna need it.



Later.

Kiss My Ass, Billie Jean.

It finally happened.

After months and months, I finally beat that bitch.

I beat Billie Jean into the gym this morning.

It doesn't sound like much, but it's an accomplishment.

Billie Jean is always first in the gym. Monday to Friday, she's the first name on the sign in sheet. Doesn't matter if they open at 5:15 or 5:30am , she's first through the door. It's been a goal of mine to beat her. (Sad, isn't it?)

Today was my day.

Usually her car is parked right by the front, next to the handicapped spot. It's a sweet spot, but tricky to get into as you have to cut a sharp corner as you come into the parking lot.

I was right behind her as she pulled in today.

While she was wrangling her Honda into her favorite spot, I parked and calmly walked (fast, but definitely not a run) into the gym and signed in. Victory!

She didn't say anything, (Probably because she doesn't know of my obsession with beating her to the sign in sheet)but I could tell she was hurting inside.

At least I think it was that - she was doing lunges, so maybe the pained expression was from those.

But in my mind, she knows.
Oh yes, she knows.




Later.

W.T.F.

The Boys love to watch this show.

I have fun watching them watching this show.

They laugh so hard I almost think we might have to go back to diapers.





Seriously - whatever these guys are smoking - I'd like a hit.


Later.

Questions & Answers.

Kevin Smith is coming to Vancouver for a Q & A on March 27th.

As we speak, the Sidekick is getting ready to scramble for tickets, as they go on sale this Saturday at 10:00AM.

I would give my left nut to go see this show.

As a long-time Kevin Smith devotee, there are a few questions I'd like to ask - if I get the chance, of course.

1. How hard was it to focus while filming Rosario Dawson's dance scene on the roof of the Mooby's? I would have just stared at that shit for hours.
2. What is your favorite mall, and where is it located?
3. Tell me about Linda Fiorentino. (Supposedly, he just won't talk about her.)
4. Which is a faggier drink - a Grande White Chocolate Mocha, a Skinny Vanilla Latte, or a Venti Hazelnut Machiato -extra hot, no foam?
5. If you were forced into an all-man threeway with Ben Affleck and Jason Mewes, would you be on the inside or the outside of the sandwich?
6. Will you be my friend? (Even if it's only on Facebook?)

Nothing really deep and personal, mind you, but just stuff I'm curious about. (The Affleck/Mewes thing? Don't ask.)

I hope the Sidekick is successful in his endeavor. I hope that we get a chance to go to this. I hope Dave Grhol is sitting beside me in the audience.

Here's to hoping.



Later.

My Baby's Back.

Today at 5:42pm, My baby came home.

I almost wept.

She's hooked back up, and running like a champ. I didn't want to put the controller down.

It's been 1 month and 7 days since she broke down - now, with therapy, she's a s good as the day I first plugged her in. I almost forgot how the light shines off her crisp graphics and fast gameplay.


Welcome home, baby -

Welcome home.




Later.

Resolve

If you can't guess what my New Year's resolutions are going to be, I'm not going to tell you.

Based upon the sound advice of "If you tell someone what you wished for it won't come true" - I have decided to keep my resolutions close to the chest. That way the only person who can hold me accountable to them is me, and I'm pretty lenient with myself.

I know what my goals for the next year are - some of them are admirable, some are necessary, and some are downright selfish. (Do I really need to masturbate that much? - Yes.)

I'll let you know when I've accomplished one, but the failures I'll keep on the down low.


Later.

Christmas Spirts.

I had a bit of a conundrum tonight.

Do I continue drinking beer, which I've been doing since 3pm, switch to Rim & Eggnog (that I had to take a breather from the Beer), or go with the Gin I've been drinking since The Sidekick came over tonight? (Once I got off work at 6.)


Oh my God - the holidays are full of pressure and stress.

I believe I'll stick with the Gin - at least for now.



Merry Christmas , everyone.





Later.

All I Want For Christmas Is My Xbox Back.

With the chill in the air and the snow on the ground, it's the perfect time to curl up indoors with my Xbox and play some games.

Oh, wait - it's not here.

Shit.

That's right people - after being afflicted by the Red Ring of Death, I'm still waiting to get my repaired Xbox back. The graphic you see above is taken directly from my status page at Xbox.com. They're not done fixing it yet, and it still has to be shipped out. At this rate, I'm lucky if it gets here by the New Year.

Reading online, I was initially impressed to hear that most people got their box back within a week - but I forgot to take Canada Customs into account. After hearing from The Twin that his box took almost a month to get back, I was still optimistic. I thought I would be different.

Boy was I wrong.

With the inclement weather we're having, I think the snow will be thawed by the time I start playing NHL '09 again. An even bigger kick in the nuts would be to get more games for Christmas - then I'd have to look at the shiny packaging, but unable to play.

So Santa, if you're listening, Please contact Bill Gates and tell him I want my fucking Xbox back.

Thanks.




Later.

Survival Package.

Here's a tip:

The most important piece of equipment to bring on your child's School Field Trip to the Museum isn't a First Aid kit or a Cellphone.

It's a Hip Flask.

Although parts of the museum were interesting, there were certain areas where liberal doses from the flask would have helped. Namely:

1. The Puppet show.
2. Craft Centre.
3. The crazy Old Lady who pretended to be a girl from the 1800s.

I'm pretty sure Granny in the log cabin was hitting the flask pretty hard before we even got there. She was either incredibly cheerful or slightly drunk. Having to deal with that after watching a puppet show in a theater full of screaming children was where my need for the flask came in. Watching puppets describe a partial shipwreck off Quadra Island in 1927 isn't the most stimulating thing for a 36 year old man. My 5 year old? Thought it was incredibly realistic.

Craft Centre was a gong show. Don't they know that giving almost every child a glue stick is asking for trouble? Whoever arranged that debacle should rethink their plans next time.

A couple of nips from the flask would have helped on the bus ride home too - it would have made that game of "I Spy" go much faster.

Next field trip I'm leaving the Swiss Army Knife at home and reaching for the Hip Flask - I'll be prepared for sure.




Later.

Call Me Petty, But...

Nothing makes me feel better than winning at Poker.

Except taking chips from a real dick, that is.

When I got home tonight, the Wife was playing in an online tournament - she was doing okay, but there was this guy at the table who she said was being a real dick. She got fed up playing and asked if I wanted to finish the game.

I jumped in, and within five minutes had this guy totally pissed at me. Normally I don't say much in chat, but I started lipping this guy off every spare moment. His best comeback was to take shots at my Mom, and that shit hasn't bothered me since grade school.

Cut to ten minutes later when I say he's got no balls and he goes all in with 7/8 offsuit - of course I have pocket Jacks. Bye-bye, loser.

Although it felt good, it takes me back to that old adage:

Winning an argument on the Internet is like winning Gold at the Special Olympics, even if you win you are still a retard!

Welp, call me retarded, then.



Later.

XBox vs. Wii.

With the XBox out of commission, I went to my backup console - the Wii.

Although I liked the Wii when I first purchased it, I really haven't used it all that much - it just doesn't have the games, look, and feel that I enjoy. And lets just face it: the graphics are what keep you playing, and the Wii just doesn't have the same shine.

The XBox is like a hot girl that does nasty things and talks dirty to you while looking back over her shoulder. (Wink wink, nudge nudge.) By comparison, the Wii is a chick who gives great head - you just don't want to look at her while she's doing it.

Their both fun, but it's no contest which one I'd rather be playing.

I haven't even had a chance to ship it oout yet and I already miss it. No games, no streaming video, no nothin'.


This sucks.




Later.